Nasty
by DPD
Summary: Edward came to my offices to discuss his past. He had lost his partner. My heart grieved for his loss, until his dark secret was revealed to me.
1. Chapter 1

**Author:** DPD

**Rating:** M for language and guy-on-guy action.

**Pairings:** Edward/Jasper

**Disclaimer:** SM owns it all, but my pervy mind and thoughts.

**Summary: **This is a sad, dark, yet beautiful story about Edward, who came to my offices to discuss his past. He had lost his partner. My heart grieved for his loss, until his dark secret was revealed to me. **Contains hardcore kink, fetishes, scat play and golden showers**.

**WARNING**: not for the faint hearted.

**A/N:** This is a slash story. If you are not into man on man sex, walk away. If you are under 18, walk away. There are kinky disturbing images including paraphilia like coprophilia and urolagnia. If you have a weak stomach, walk away. There are plenty of other stories for you to read.

I want to thank my three musketeers Athos, Porthos and Aramis (you guys know who you are!) for helping me make this fic almost pleasant for you guys to read, and for convincing me to post it.

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><p><strong>NASTY <strong>

**Chapter 1**

I have been a psychiatrist for a few years now, and that coupled with being a young, gay man brought me a lot of work. People tended to look for sympathizers to their issues and pains, and being gay was the right combination for many.

While in medical school, the perversions of the human mind always caught my attention. We studied cases in which the mind played a huge part in disease and trauma; like a mother who was depressed and losing control of her own actions, poured hot water on her crying kid; or like a young man who tried to commit suicide, driven by the fear of being a schizophrenic like his dad; or even thousands of cases of cancer and other degenerative diseases could also be linked to the troubles of the soul, or in my field; the mind.

Healing the body seemed to be useless in many cases. Disease seemed to come back in the same or different forms. The mind was the main source of the patients' troubles, so choosing psychiatry was kind of natural to me.

I found their stories fascinating. I liked making people feel better and more comfortable with their reality. Most people only needed someone who they could trust to open their hearts and let out whatever it was that may be festering inside, making them feel unworthy, useless, small and sick.

Some ended up developing real pathologies and losing their minds, needing to be medicated. Some were born this way or inherited those mental conditions. Others would get lost inside themselves, closing up to the real world.

That was _his_ case.

**XxxxxxxX**

While being a student in medical school, I had the pleasure of working with Dr. Carlisle Cullen. He was a surgeon and worked at the University Hospital. Being an excellent teacher, he was one of my favourite professors, but he questioned my option for Psychiatry, hoping I would change my mind and choose surgery instead.

That never happened.

Being a huge admirer of Dr. Cullen, both as a doctor and a man, I invited him to my graduation ceremony, and he was the one to hand in my diploma. My parents were very proud and couldn't believe their only son had just become a doctor. I was the first member of my family to have a university degree.

During the after-ceremony cocktails, which took place in the gardens of the University—same as the ceremony had been—the sun was almost setting in the horizon, making it a mix of the most incredible shades of pink and orange. I was standing under a tree, sipping my drink and observing the crowd; mom and dad had already gone to the hotel to get ready for dinner. I was surprised when I noticed Dr. Cullen walking towards me accompanied by the most beautiful creature I had ever laid my eyes on. He was tall, strongly built, had pale skin and copper hair. His eyes were a deep, beautiful emerald green and made my heart skip a beat. I just stood there in awe, watching them approaching me. As soon as they did, Dr. Cullen introduced the vision before me as son.

"Congratulations on your graduation again, Doctor Hale! This is my son, Edward." Edward offered me his hand to shake. As we were connected like that, I saw another man jogging in our direction, quickly closing the distance between us. He was also beautiful! Long, dirty blond hair tied back in a neat pony tail. Blue eyes, tanned skin that shone against the white crisp shirt, collar open, no tie. Stopping by Edward's side, he circled his arm around Edward's waist, claiming his man. "And this is James, my son-in-law," Carlisle completed. I shook hands with him, introducing myself, while my heart deflated from a boulder to a small pebble.

After that, I was unable pay attention to anything else that was said. All I could do was observe Edward and James's interaction. James was all over his guy, while Edward was trying to keep a low profile, at least that's what it looked like. I recall Carlisle mentioning he was in college, too… being a musician or something—Julliard maybe? I really couldn't remember.

The rest of the day passed in a blur – only images remained. Once over, I didn't see them again for a number of years.

**XxxxxxxX**

I was surprised to see Carlisle in my office one morning. He looked concerned. His usual carefully combed hair was now a mess of blond strands; his blue eyes were paler, sporting dark purple rings beneath them. His forehead was wrinkled in a constant frown, and I could see his belt was buckled two holes tighter. I was curious to know why, after a few years of no contact, he would come to me looking like that. Was something wrong with him? Or maybe his lady?

Striding inside my office, he said hello cordially, looking appreciative at the heavy oak bookshelves, the 18th century paintings I had just bought in an auction hanging on my walls, the fancy Persian rugs I had covering large portions of the floor, and the antique furniture I had bought especially to decorate my office. Among them were my desk and the coffee table across from the black, velvet couch. I was passionate about the past. History was my second favourite subject in school. I also loved to have a nicely decorated, cozy, comfortable environment to treat my patients in.

I invited him to take a seat, and he slid his hand up and down the back of the black velvet-clad sofa before doing so. Running his fingers through his hair, looking strained, he watched me sit in my leather armchair—a gift from my grandmother—across from him.

Sighing, he didn't beat around the bush and introduced the subject that brought him to me straight away, "So, Dr. Hale, Jasper, I came to ask for a favour and see if you can help me. I have heard wonderful things about your work. You have been dealing with many cases known to us, and your success has been impressive. I'm desperate. I believe you remember my son, Edward?" he asked raising his brows at me while leaning forward on his seat. I nodded.

Burying his head in between his hands, he breathed in heavily before continuing, "So…the day you two met, I believe I also introduced you to a young man called James, my son's life partner." I nodded again. Looking at the floor, he went on, "Well…he committed suicide six months ago."

My heart flew to my mouth! For a split second I didn't know if he was talking about James or Edward! I could feel the agitation building up inside of me. I didn't want to sound hasty, but my anxiety levels were reaching off the charts. I tried and managed to hold back a little, but I needed to ask, I needed to know, "I'm sorry, but he who?" My question seemed to have broken his line of thought.

"What?" he fired, shooting his head up, his confusion showing in the way his eyes seemed to be searching mine.

"Who committed suicide?" I tried to fake a calm I most certainly was not sporting at the moment.

"Oh, James. James committed sui- well…I need help with Edward. Since he lost James, he hasn't been himself. I know I'm not supposed to get involved, and that he is a grown-up who needs to look after himself, but…" and then he was silent, maybe feeling guilty or embarrassed for doing the exact opposite of what he was supposed to be doing.

Being a doctor and understanding that Edward needed to deal with things in his own way was one thing, but if he didn't look for any help, when he needed it, was another.

"I understand. You never quit being a father. But you are right, starting therapy has to be his decision." I tried softening the blow.

"We have been talking to him, Esme and I… We have been asking him to find a therapist, and he never gives us an answer. We talk and talk to him but all he does is listen to us, never replying or really discussing anything. I talked about you, and he finally showed some interest. All I'm asking is for you to see him once. He agreed to come if you were willing to see him."

His eyes were hopeful. I didn't want him to give that up, but I had to tell him I could not operate a miracle. Many times, when a patient is coerced to look for therapy, when they don't suffer from any illnesses that could cause any damage to society or to themselves, or are not ready for it, they end up quitting. "That's good. But it's up to him to stay. You know we can't force him, unless he has been thinking—"

"No…" he hastily cut me off mid-sentence. "He would never harm himself or anyone else."

Well, that was a small relief, but as much as I wanted to see Edward again, I had many reservations.

**XxxxxxxX**

Everything was arranged so Edward could come see me in the evening as my last patient of the day, twice a week.

Our first session was…interesting. Edward arrived in jeans, a pale yellow sweater, his hair an auburn mess, disturbed eyes, overnight stubble, and his scent was pure man. He shook my hand, sat on the sofa and said absolutely nothing for forty-five minutes. He wouldn't look at me or show any attempt to say a single thing. His lips remained sealed the whole time.

God, he was beautiful!

I knew he wasn't doing it to spite me or his parents. He was genuinely unable to speak; I could see it in his eyes, in the way they would dart around as though he was having an internal debate that just didn't reach his mouth.

Never expecting him to come back, I was surprised when he did. Again, he said nothing. But I could feel something was different this time. He was anxious. His body language showed all the signs of a time bomb about to explode, but every time he moved and looked like he was about to speak, he would sigh and say nothing. His hands would fly to his head furiously tugging on his hair, his cheeks flushed.

Third session; Edward was much calmer. He paced around the office, checked some books. Slid his slender fingers along the edges of the bookshelves, looked out the window. His interaction with me was non-existent this session. Even being able to watch his figure for a whole hour, I felt frustrated. The second session had been heavy on intent, and I could feel he was connected to me. This time, he was detached. His body was here in the office with me, but his mind was somewhere else.

I felt hopeless as he edged towards the door at the end of the session. However, just as he was about to exit the door, he said, "'Til next time."

I was stunned... He had never bid me goodnight, or goodbye, or anything before that session. He generally nodded, looking into my eyes as if trying to read my mind, and rushed out the door.  
>I didn't know what to expect next.<p>

Session after session he would change in demeanour; from withdrawn, to hopeful; to anxious; to depressed; never speaking to me. But he came back every time, so I did my share; I waited until he found it within himself to speak to me.

**XxxxxxxX**

I lost track of the hours we spent in relative silence, until one day he spoke. "What do you think you can do for me?" he asked, looking outside the window. I got excited, even knowing he could go silent any minute.

I observed his behaviour as I answered, "I can listen to you…" I was honest. That would be the first thing I could do. Without it, my hands were tied.

"Why would you want to do that?", he asked, still looking away, immobile.

"That's my job…"

"Why?" He finally turned, and we made eye contact.

"I find the human mind fascinating." Edward crossed the room and took a seat across from me.

Pursing his lips, I finally could see the beautiful, but tormented man he was. His eyes weren't concealing his soul any longer. He wouldn't look me in the eye for long, but he was showing me he could, maybe, talk.

"There's nothing fascinating about my mind. I'm no genius; I'm not mad; I'm just… not." He sighed.

"What about your heart?" I tilted my head, and shifting on my seat, I tried to show him I was open for conversation too.

"What heart? I haven't got one."

He pursed his lips again, and I could see his eyes glistening; their colour had changed with the addition of the tears. My heart clenched as I observed him glancing around the room aimlessly, making a herculean effort not to let the tear drops run down his flushed cheeks.

I had to struggle and find the strength in me not to cross the distance between us and hold him in my arms. How unprofessional of me. But I managed it.

I was flabbergasted and annoyed he would think that, "I doubt it…" I spat, starting a sentence in anger wouldn't get me far, so I changed my mind to, "Want to talk about it?"

He shook his head no, and I lost him. No other word for the rest of the session.

One step forward, two steps back.

**XxxxxxxX**

The very next day after my last patient walked out, Alice was about to leave when she knocked at my door telling me Edward was there to see me. I was surprised. We didn't have an appointment, but I decided to see him. If he were anyone else, I would have asked Alice to say I was tired and that he should schedule an appointment. But he was Dr. Cullen's son. I would never be able to commit such indelicacy.

He walked into my office with the collar of his emerald green shirt open, the long sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black jeans, and black shoes. I was mesmerized, but I managed to smile and greet him, "Hello, Edward…what can I do for you tonight?"

Sitting down hurriedly on the black sofa, he looked annoyed and frustrated with his face twisted in a disgusted scowl, he spat, "Listen to me…Isn't that what you do?" Again, my first impulse was to reach out and hug him, despite the animosity seeping through his every pore. I had no idea yet who it was aimed at.

I took my jacket off since I had already prepared myself for leaving, hanging it on the back of my desk's chair and walked calmly to the leather armchair across from his sofa, crossing my legs after I sat. "I'm all ears." I almost whispered, looking to him in a sincere posture.

He was rocking his body back and forth with his hands covering his face, his elbows on his knees. Every attempt of speaking seemed to be caught up in his throat; the only noises he would utter sounded like moans.

I stood up and went for a glass of water. Kneeling down in front of him, I touched his arm to make him look at me and take the glass of water. As if I had spooked him, his left hand flew to my left wrist, his eyes locked on mine.

"I loved him." He murmured desperately, his body shaking as his watery eyes closed, finally freeing the tears, letting them slide down his beautiful, pink-tinted cheeks.

Still grasping my wrist tight, I saw him balling up, burying his head into my chest. I had no choice but to circle my right arm around him and offer the physical contact he needed at that moment.

I know, unprofessional and unorthodox, but necessary. I smelled alcohol in his breath. I had no idea how much, but he surely had been drinking. My heart swelled, thinking that in a time of despair, _he came to me_.

He came to me!

He cried in my arms until he finally gave in and fell asleep. And he fell hard. As I felt his body go limp in my arms, I laid him down on the couch. Standing up, I went for the cupboard to retrieve a blanket, covering him with it and tucking it in down his back.

Crossing the room once again, I sat down on my chair and watched him sleep. I ended up dozing off, only to be awakened by the sound of a cell phone vibrating. I palmed my pockets, discovering it wasn't my phone making the vibrating noise. It was probably Edward's.

I went to the couch, knelt down close to him and tried to wake him up without success. I found his phone in his shirt pocket. It had stopped vibrating, though. I saw the name on the screen for the lost call—Dad. I kept the phone, letting it sink into my own shirt pocket, and the next time it vibrated I picked it up.

Don't ask me if that was professional or ethical or whatever; I was doing what the situation dictated, regardless of protocol. The man must have been worried shitless, and I owed him a lot.

"Hello…Edward?", was his hurried question.

"Good evening Dr. Cullen, this is Doctor Jasper Hale speaking."

"Did Edward forget his phone there yesterday?" He sounded confused.

"No, Edward is here now. I'm sorry for the boldness of answering his phone; I thought you would be worried and needed news from him."

"What's going on? Is he okay? Are you at the hospital with him?" Hospital? I didn't really understand why I would be at the hospital with him. But I answered it anyway.

"No, Dr. Cullen, we are in my office."

"He didn't have an appointment, and it's too late for him to be there!" He never let me finish what I had to say, and I was already tired as hell. Looking at my watch, I saw it was almost midnight.

"Dr. Cullen, I need you to listen to me." It was how I asked him to shut the fuck up, in a nice polite way, of course.

"Edward came here looking for me. I let him in. He looked distressed. The only thing he said to me was that he loved him; I believe he was talking about James, and then he cried himself to sleep."

"I'm so sorry, Jasper. I'm sorry for all the trouble. It's almost midnight, and you are there with him. I'll come there to pick him up—"

"No…there is no need for that. He trusted me. He came to me. I will be here for him when he wakes up. I can't betray his trust by letting you come here and take him home. It's my job. He is my patient, and he trusted the confidentiality it involves. I took the call because I presumed you were worried. But that's all. He stays here until he wakes up and decides to leave."

"I understand. I'm not here to teach you to do your job. Just…", and that was all he said. "Thanks for your dedication to my son."

"Why did you think we were at the hospital?" I needed to know.

"Edward finally had the guts to go get tested. We ran some tests and found out …well, James wasn't exactly healthy when he died. He had found out a few months before...you know. Edward went to the hospital to get his results back this evening. I thought maybe you had run into him there."

My heart burned. I felt so much sympathy for his situation. What if he was sick? Was that why he had gotten drunk? Was he positive?

Carlisle broke through my internal ranting, "He is healthy, by the way. I checked before they called him letting him know the results were ready." And the world made sense again.

After saying our goodbyes and hanging up, I went to the cupboard again and got my air mattress since it seemed to me I wasn't going anywhere any time soon.

I made my bed, but before lying down, I went back to Edward. I caved in, unable to resist the temptation of running my fingers through his hair. I'm only human.

While savouring the moment, I heard him mutter, "Take your hands off me, James." I pulled my hand back immediately, looking at his face and instantly relieved when I saw he was still asleep. Why would he want James to take his hands off him if he loved him? This was starting to get interesting.

When I woke in the morning, Edward was still there sleeping, wrapped in the blanket; his beautiful angular jaw resting on the pillow, showing a thin coat of stubble now. His hair was a copper mess, and his breathing slow and calm while his arms hugged one of the other pillows close to his heart as a kid would do to a stuffed animal.

Lucky fucking pillow.

When Alice poked her head into my office to check on me, she was surprised with the scene she witnessed.

"You two slept here?", she whispered, walking into the room as stealthy as a cat.

"Yeah," I whispered, folding my blanket.

"Did you have the chance to talk?"

"Not really. He cried a lot then passed out. I would guess he'd been drinking."

My hand flew to my face, feeling the stubble on my own chin.

"Oh," was all she could articulate.

"I need you to clear my schedule for the day. I don't want to wake him, and I don't want to waste the chance of him finally talking to me. If I'm that lucky, I don't want to be disturbed."

"Can I get you anything? Coffee?", she offered.

"Sure…coffee…for both of us. Thank you."

Alice disappeared through the door.

Sitting down, I looked at my notes while trying to imagine the reason why Edward came to me instead of going to his family or friends. Was he finally realizing he could trust me?

Seeing him stirring on the couch, I whispered, "Morning, Edward. How are you feeling today?"

He tried opening his eyes, only to squeeze them shut again, taking his hands to his head.

Hangover.

"Not so good," he croaked.

Thankful he didn't freak out for waking up in my office, I continued with regular conversation. "I'm sorry about the couch. I thought of moving you onto the mattress so I could take the couch, but you were fast asleep, and I don't think I'm strong enough to lift you." Edward was way taller than me, and by his figure, he worked out. His muscled bulk suggested he was heavy.

"The couch was okay." he said.

Alice walked in and handed us our coffees. Perfect timing!

"Sorry Alice, but can you go to a drugstore and buy Edward a toothbrush and a hair brush, too? Oh, and some aspirin?"

"Sure, no worries." And just like a little bird, she flew out as quickly as she'd flown in; even before I could thank her.

Still wrapped in the blanket on the couch, Edward kept his eyes closed while sipping his coffee. He looked like an innocent kid; his hair all dishevelled, his face wrinkled and marked by the crumples in the pillows.

Still grasping the coffee cup in his hands, his eyes focused on the coffee cup lid, he started to talk. "Thanks for last night. You didn't have to...you know. And I'm sorry. I didn't know where else to go." Edward pursed his lips. I could see his flushed cheeks, but I didn't want him to feel embarrassed—not with me.

"It's fine, Edward, really."

He raised his eyes a bit, meeting mine, and nodded. Once again, he cast his eyes down at the cup of coffee.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I was afraid of being pushy, but needed to try.

"Don't you have anyone you have to see now?" His voice was soft, hopeful as he peeked through his lashes in my direction, looking down again before I had the chance to answer him.

"Not really. I'm free for the day." My attention was all on him, studying his movements, his body language.

"Really?" His emerald orbs were back on me, showing some sort of emotion...happiness?

"Yeah, really."

Silence filled the air again, but by the movements of his eyes, hands going through hair, and nails being bitten, I imagined his mind was reeling.

"You really don't have any commitments for the day?" he asked again. I shook my head no. "So you are all mine for now?" he went on.

"For now," I needed to draw a line; if not for him, for myself. I was too eager to spend the day with him. If it was up to me, he would really spend the whole day here. I wanted to know what was going on with him. I was desperate to have him talk.

He was withdrawn, and yet as desperate as a drowning victim searching for a hand to pull him out of the water. It took him a while, but once he was decided, he looked at me while still biting his nails and began to speak. It was just a whisper, but it was all I needed; for him to be strong and give it a try. "Okay. I need to tell someone. I feel I can now. I've got nothing else to lose."

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><p><strong>AN –** I know there's no nasty imagery or events in chapter one. The warning is actually to prevent people from starting to read the story and suddenly after chapter one, finding out it was nothing as they thought it would be, although the title kind of gives it away.

**I would really love your feedback**. Write anything; your thoughts, your feelings, your ideas to what you think is going to happen next. Just please, don't flame me. You have been warned of the content. Please be patient. Edward is in therapy for a reason, and in his state of mind, he needed time.

So now, please, hit the blue button and let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author:** DPD

**Rating:** M for language and guy-on-guy action.

**Pairings:** Edward/Jasper

**Disclaimer:** SM owns it all, but my pervy mind and thoughts.

**Summary: **This is a sad, dark, yet beautiful slash story about Edward, who came to my offices to discuss his past. His partner, James had killed himself. My heart grieved for his loss, until his dark secret was revealed to me. Contains hardcore kink, fetishes, scat play and golden showers.

**WARNING**: not for the faint hearted.

**A/N:** This is a slash story. If you are not into man on man sex, walk away. If you are under 18, walk away. There are kinky disturbing images including **paraphilia** like **coprophilia **and **urolagnia**. If you have a weak stomach, walk away. There are plenty of other stories for you to read.

**If you don't know what those terms mean, please google them.**

I want to thank my three musketeers Athos, Porthos and Aramis for helping me make this fic almost pleasant for you guys to read, and for convincing me to post it.

I want to thank my friend D'Artagnan for the banner she made for Nasty. You can find the link to it in my profile.

I also want to thank all the readers who have read and reviewed chapter one. I didn't expected to have so many wonderful reviews! Thank you!

Now, off to chapter 2!

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><p><strong>NASTY<strong>

**Chapter 2**

_He was withdrawn, and yet, as desperate as a drowning victim searching for a hand to pull him out of the water. It took him a while, but once he was decided, he looked back at me, still biting his nails, and began to speak, just in a whisper, but it was all I needed, for him to be strong and give it a try. "Okay. I need to tell someone. I feel I can now. I've got nothing else to lose." – End of chapter 1._

He waited for a while longer. His eyes were far away, and I was beginning to get impatient. What could be so bad that it made him so hesitant for so long? But I waited.

He stood and made his way over to the window as he had on the other occasions he was here, and started again, "I met him in school … James. He was the poor little rich boy; no one liked him. He was always picking fights; his parents were nowhere to be seen … raised by nannies …" His head was down again.

"They forgot him at school once—I was there for my piano lesson. The school staff had called his house, but no one answered. My dad offered to take him to our place." His face was twisted, looking at his own feet.

"He was not spoiled ... he had everything, but not because he asked for it; as if he could ask for anything. Well, we ended up becoming friends then lovers, and when we went to college, we went to New York together. I went to Julliard; he went to NYU."

Pursing his lips, he turned around and walked back to the couch. He didn't sit up straight though. He sat up with his feet on top of it, his back to the arm of the sofa. His hands were always moving, picking on each other, or a loose thread or even an "interesting" button on his shirt.

"We had been living together for a while. I loved him; I did. He was too attached, though. I got it. He thought I was all he had, especially as he didn't make friends easily. Over time though, away from my family, he started being so needy and demanding―it was overwhelming. I could hardly study, and I needed to study, badly. So I started staying at school and would only go home when I was finished." Pausing for a while, he sighed a few times.

He must have been hungry. I know I was. His head was probably still hurting because his hands were on it every now and then. At that exact time, Alice knocked on the door. I asked her to come in. She came in as far as the coffee table and left all I asked for, plus a glass of water and a box from the pastry shop. She was perfect, as usual.

I picked up the aspirin bottle, pouring two in my hand. I walked over to him, taking a glass of water and offered them to him. He picked them from my hand, looking up at me. I couldn't read his eyes.

He washed the pills down his throat and took a bagel from the pastry box I was holding in front of him.

"Thanks," he said as he held the bagel with both hands, and focused on it, speaking again. "Things started getting worse with time, and I noticed he was always home when I got there and when I left. He had quit school for a while, and when he finally decided to tell me, I felt trapped. All the talk about him being there for me whenever I needed him, for whatever I wanted him to do for me ..." he shook his head from side to side showing frustration, and took a deep breath before exhaling again.

"You felt pressured?" I wanted him to keep on going, and he did.

"Yeah, I felt like I was not with him for him; I was stuck with him because he loved me and had no one else, nowhere to go back to. That's when the weird shit started."

"Weird shit?" I asked, especially surprised by his word choice.

"Sorry for my language. I'll try to … I mean … I'll try to tell you. I want you to know I feel very disgusted by all this. I feel impure, nasty." His eyes were directed to me with a helpless look.  
>Through all his talk, he had picked pieces of his bagel, eating them between words, entertaining himself with the small pieces in his hand. He stretched and laid the rest of it in the box. Sighing again, he bit his thumb as if picking at his cuticles and started telling his story again, but looking away from me.<p>

"As I said, he was always home. He knew my schedule and managed to be around whenever I was home too. And he followed me everywhere in the house. He wouldn't leave my side when I was cooking, would sit by me in front of the TV or computer, even in the bathroom. I felt so sorry for him. But I didn't want to feel sorry for him. He had a brilliant mind; he was the best student in his class for three years in a row. I didn't know what was going on with him, until it hit me; I was the problem. He had decided to quit school to be with me. He thought he was losing me, so he wanted to stay put and be around whenever he could."

Scratching his eyes and touching his forehead, he buried his head between his hands, and he went on. "One day, he came to the bathroom with me. I was going to take a piss. He stopped behind me and circling his arm around my waist, he held my cock, saying 'Let me do that for you'. I let him—I don't know why ... I don't know if I was feeling sorry for him or guilty, but I just couldn't say no."

Oh my, God! I started to be worried about where this conversation was going. Not because I hadn't heard worse. Believe me, I had, but because he was somewhat related to me through Carlisle. I started to think this was a bad, bad idea. How was I going to remain detached? But I couldn't stop him now. We had made the much needed connection for him to feel comfortable, at ease with me. He finally reached the point of no return after so long, and now I was the one chickening out.

"I never said no to him after that. I just couldn't. I felt powerless, helpless … I started spending more and more time at school, only really going home in the evening when absolutely necessary. It only made it worse though; James was starting to act desperate when I was finally home."

"When I was home, he would do anything and everything for me. He cooked, he cleaned, he did laundry … started calling himself a housewife. Whenever I was in the bathroom, he was with me; bathing me, holding my cock for me … One day after he did that and shook my dick, he pulled the toilet lid down, sat on it and started to blow me."

Fuck. I was worried this would turn to that. No wonder Edward looked troubled. I needed to keep quiet; he was talking with no prompt question or word from me. I had to take advantage of that.

"It took me by surprise, but I got, you know ... aroused the second I was in his mouth. He did that a few times. One day as I was walking towards the bathroom, he ran and was in there before me, sitting on the toilet, facing me. His pants were nowhere to be found, and his cock was hard as a rock. He was stroking it, looking at me with a smirk on his face. I was afraid to ask what he wanted. I was afraid of the answer. I didn't ask, but he told me anyway.

"He said, 'I want you to pee on my cock.' I just couldn't. That was too degrading. I held it and started pulling him from the toilet seat, trying to move him away so I could take a piss. It didn't happen. He fought and held his ground. I couldn't hold it anymore and ended up pissing on his cock as he asked me."

He was silent for a long while. I thought I had lost him, so I asked, "How did that make you feel?"

"Do you really wanna know?" and he looked at me for the first time since he began to speak; I nodded in response.

"Powerful, hot … James panted, whispering how warm and great it felt on his cock; said it felt like his cock was showered by my golden essence. He jerked off using my piss as lube. I watched till he came."

Keeping my tone even, I asked, "What did you do after that?"

He scratched his head looking away, "I pulled him from the toilet and fucked him."

His confession floored me. I couldn't let it show, and I didn't. I was a professional; I was used to wearing my poker face, no matter how shocked I was internally. He wasn't finished.

"He looked so hot spreading my piss all over him, touching himself like that, telling me how much anything that came from me was delicious and fantastic," he pursed his lips again and shook his head as if trying to shake his memories away. And he was silent again. He took his hand back to his mouth, biting his thumbnail, shaking his foot. I almost didn't hear him when he asked,  
>"Can I use your toilet? I need to brush my teeth." He stood up and walked towards the door I pointed him to.<p>

Thank fuck! I needed time to breathe! I collapsed on my seat as soon as the bathroom door was closed; inhaling deeply, thinking how I would ever act normal around Carlisle knowing so much about his son. This was a really bad idea. I should have asked Carlisle to find someone else to treat his son. I could have suggested Jake.

I should have suggested another doctor, because since the very first time I had seen him, I felt an attraction. It didn't matter that after observing his interaction with James I imagined he was a bottom and, since I was a bottom too, the spell he had unconsciously cast on me had lost intensity.

James was smart. I always thought he was the top from his demeanour on my graduation day. Edward has just confessed he fucked James after all that happened.

All that!

Oh man, I wish I could forget Edward had been through something like that.

I wish I could forget he liked going through something like that.

I guess maybe they switched then. I stood up, scratching the scruff on my face, and then tugged on my hair. Breathing in and out was an effort; almost as if I needed to command my body to do it.

I walked to the window and opened it. I had both my hands on the window frame, one on each side, my head hanging low between my shoulders, breathing in and out. I felt I was on the verge of panicking. I had never panicked with a patient before.

I had been assaulted by patients, yelled at, cursed by them and never lost my calm. Why was I over reacting over this?

I was closing the window when I heard the door opening.

Alice.

"Everything okay?" she said from the door, only half way into the room.

"Yeah … everything's fine." I believe she sensed my frustration while I was walking back to my chair, sitting down and burying my head in my hands.

"You don't look so good.", she observed. I wish I could have told her I needed her to join me in my prayers for the day to end sooner. I had a feeling this would get even worse!

Edward came out the door looking a bit more confident. The smell of toothpaste flooded the room.

"Feeling better?" I tried to cheer him up a bit. Alice took her cue and left.

"A lot better, thank you." His voice was still small.

He gave me a little more time by not saying anything, and for once, I was thankful. Sometimes he would look at me and give me a small nervous smile―until he decided to continue.

"Okay. Where was I?" sighing, he moved on. "Oh yeah … okay. One night, I was in the bathroom again; had the door locked since I wasn't just peeing. James knocked on the door saying he only wanted to brush his teeth or something. I said he would have to wait. Only ... I hadn't locked the door as I thought I had, and he walked in.

"I wanted to kill him. I shouted at him to get the fuck out many times, and he wouldn't move. After a while, I said I needed privacy to wipe myself and take a shower."

"He said he wanted to watch me. "

Oh, God. I knew what was coming, but I didn't want to hear it.

"I said no way in hell he was gonna watch me. And he sat on the floor. I was spent. I had no more fight in me. There was no use in fighting him. But I didn't give up. I ended up sitting on the toilet, leaning on my knees with my head on my lap for a long time. I had to win him over; I had to have him tired of waiting. Unfortunately, I got tired before he did, and dozed off.

"When I woke up, sore as hell from the position I had slept in, I was spooked to find him curled over me, his crotch pressing my head down, his body encasing me, and keeping me from moving … wiping me."

Fuck. I didn't think I could handle this any longer. I can't even imagine something like that happening unless Edward was sick and couldn't take care of himself.

God, I wanted him to just shut up and not tell me anymore! But I couldn't. I had to listen. I told him I would. I regretted having said yes to Carlisle even more at every word Edward uttered. God, I wish he would stop!

I knew I was a professional; I desperately tried to keep myself away from him, looking at the issue rationally so I would be able to help him. But his image sitting right in front of me, so beautifully broken and brave was freezing my brain. All I could do was feel all the disgust from whatever he was telling me and wish time would go back so that I would be able to stop any of that from happening.

"I was mad at him at the beginning of all this, but then … then I felt ... cared for. I liked being pampered like that by him." He paused again, as if giving me time to assimilate all that had been said and make peace with my heart.

"The next time I went to the toilet and James was home, I pretended to forget the door, leaving it open. Pathetic, I know. I stayed there, hoping he would come in and … take care of me again. After a little while, he did. He walked in, and I didn't protest; no yelling, no fighting. James reached for his baby wipes, I leaned forward, and he leaned on top of me and caressed my hole with the wipes.

"I noticed he was massaging my puckered flesh with the wipes; then the wipes were gone, and I could feel his bare finger continuing the movement. I tried to protest, but he was encasing me again and, as I felt his finger sliding in slowly, I relaxed and enjoyed the feeling. I had never known how ass playing could be pleasurable. No one had ever gotten so near my ass like that."

Okay, so until then, he had only topped. My mind started reeling. He trusted me to be impersonal, professional, to work ethically, but his words were nowhere near my head. They were all going to my heart and my stomach, which was the opposite of what a therapist should feel. He stopped for a moment, and looked around; I noticed he was uncomfortable.

He lowered his head, and I heard a faint 'I'm sorry' escape his lips.

He cleared his throat and went on, "I'm trying not to sound disgusting ..."

"You don't have to do that. I'm here for you to let it all out. If that's what's gonna make you feel better, do it. Is it making you feel better?" I was saying all the right things, but I regretted every syllable my mouth had articulated.

"What's making me feel better is that … you are listening to me but not judging me. I know the nasty things I like being done to me, and I wonder how much I can tell you before your face changes showing your real thoughts."

"My real thoughts, Edward, are that when two people love each other intimately nothing is wrong as long as both enjoy it. I would be worried if you didn't like it. If you had let yourself be used for some other reason than to pleasure both of you. Even then, there would be a reason that may have been valid for you to do so."

"So … nothing is wrong when you love each other?" he looked up at the ceiling, sighing.

"No … nothing is wrong. Unless it puts one of you at risk."

I remembered the tests he had taken, which I had no right to bring up now since I officially didn't know about them.

He chuckled, probably remembering something. Suddenly his demeanour changed abruptly.

"He did … put me at risk."

We were both silent. I couldn't ask anymore. I didn't have it in me. We had been here for hours, and I was spent. It took him around twenty minutes to recover and speak again.

"James knew I would never bottom. When we were in school, he had girlfriends and went out every night. He always ended up in my house instead of going back to his. He bugged me nonstop because I had no girlfriend, nor did I want to find one. I was in love with him already, and he didn't know. I took care of him every time he was in my place after a drunken night. Through hangovers and through his parents' divorce. He cried himself to sleep in my arms every single night for two weeks after that, and I just held him all night long.

"Some nights I woke up to the feeling of being kissed on my arm, or chest, or hands. I pretended to be asleep, but I could see he was wide awake, kissing my skin wherever his lips could reach at the time. I could feel the moisture from his cheeks on my skin, too. I wanted to reach out and comfort him, but I knew he would freak out once he knew I was awake and aware of what he was doing."

"The last night he slept in my house after his parents' divorce I woke up to his lips on mine, kissing me thoroughly, his tongue invading my mouth. I thought he was in love with me―which he was, but giving in to it was hard I guess… I kissed him back and we tugged on clothes and pulled and pushed and while he was pulling my shirt up my head and away, he said through his teeth 'so that's why you're alone, you don't like girls… you like a big swollen cock up your ass, huh?' I panicked.

"I always knew he was an asshole. But he had never been an asshole to me. He kept on kissing me all over, biting me slightly, and as good as the feeling was, I couldn't forget his nasty remarks. He pulled my pyjama pants down and attached his lips to my cock; within a few minutes I came in his mouth. He sucked me clean, and when I was starting to relax, he turned me around saying 'I'm gonna give you what you want'. I froze in place since I knew what he was about to do, and I was far from ready for that. I tried rolling back again, but he pinned me and said 'Isn't that what you like? A big hard cock up your ass?'. I yelled 'No!' and managed to run from the bed shouting he had to leave. I told him to never come back.

"The next day, I went to my father and told him I was ready to go to boarding school. James broke my heart, and by that time, he must have been telling everyone in school I was a fag. Dad was pleased with the news of me finally fulfilling his wish, and I didn't have to go back to school before being transferred away. I didn't see James again, 'til he showed up at my dorm room one night; said he loved me, couldn't live without me, and things like that."

He paused for a while, "That night he tried fucking me again, and we had a huge fight. I told him I would never be his bitch. Not his or anybody else's. He was surprised by my reaction, but offered himself to me; said it didn't matter, he was willing to have me whichever way I wanted."

Edward paused again. It was almost noon. I was hungry and almost insane with the need to get out of there, but I had to stay - I told him I would. Fortunately, he felt even more worn out than I did and said, "I'm tired. I can't do this anymore, not now," shaking his head, looking down at the floor.

I offered an olive branch. "We have an appointment tonight. Will you be able to make it?"

"I don't know … Can I call and confirm later?"

Despite my offer, I truly thought he shouldn't come, but it was his decision. I would be on the next plane to Aruba if I could, but I had agreed to this. The affection I was feeling for him, the physical attraction, it was all overwhelming, and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hold back for much longer. The best decision would be to stop treating him right away.

He trusted me, though. I couldn't let my personal issues affect my patients. I needed to be strong. Strong for me―strong for him. I needed to give Carlisle his son back as I promised myself I would do.

Edward stood up, walking towards my chair, and as soon as I stood, he cocooned me in his arms, murmuring "Thank you," in my ear.

He walked to the door and left. I felt my legs turning into Jell-O. I let myself fall back into my chair, pulling my knees up and embracing my legs. I don't know how long I was there when Alice walked in.

"What's up, boss? You look exhausted."

"I am … I don't think I can take it anymore, Allie." I said, not even opening my eyes. I heard Alice's steps walking towards me. She sat on the coffee table across from my chair and pulled my legs back down, lifting a foot, removing my shoe before doing the same with the other and removing my socks as well. Allie started massaging my foot, and it felt so fucking good I moaned.

"You like him, don't you?" she said, after noticing I had started to relax.

"I do," I cooed, not even worried about what I had just admitted. Alice was my therapist. She knew what to do and when and all about confidentiality.

"Is he too damaged?", she went on.

"Deliciously damaged," I whispered. I couldn't even admit to myself 'til that point that everything about Edward drew me in and that treating him triggered in me a satisfaction beyond the one of a healer. _Treating him, taking care of him…_ "But also dangerous … and Carlisle's son." My voice was stronger this time.

"What do you intend to do?", she asked, moving her attentions to my other foot.

"I know what I should do. I know what he deserves me to do. But I haven't decided which path I might take. I owe Carlisle a lot. Edward is finally opening up. I can't ruin his treatment because of these stupid feelings I'm having."

"Stupid feelings? And how exactly can you ruin his treatment?"

"Last night, I went to give him a glass of water and …" I couldn't tell her. What I felt at that exact moment was so intimate―but I had to.

"He held my hand and snuggled into me crying. I held him in my arms 'til he fell asleep."

Alice looked at the ceiling then back to my foot and fired, "Have you thought that maybe that's what he needed to start opening up? Your sympathy, your care?"

FUCK. I never thought of that. That was even more dangerous ground. I really became the caretaker. I took care of his drunkenness, his hangover and now was taking care of his issues. What was I supposed to do? Damn.

That afternoon when I returned from lunch, Carlisle was waiting for me. _What? Oh God, what have I done to deserve this? _After our greetings, we stepped into my office. I tried seeing it as a chance to speak to him about my worries and to ask him what I should do. I didn't even have the chance of speaking.

"Dr. Hale, I came here to thank you. Thank you for all you have been doing for Edward. Today when he arrived home, he was different. He was looking like he had spent the night in Hell, but he kissed his mother on the cheek, holding her the way he used to when he lived at home with us. He looked more relaxed, and his eyes had their sparkle back. He went up to his room, organized all his things … he was listening to music when I left. Esme is really happy. And I'm really thankful. I knew I was doing the right thing coming to you."

Fuck. My. Life.

I smiled, and I'm positive my tiredness was showing. "I'm glad Edward is showing improvement. But you know this is a long road he has to walk, and right now he is only crawling. So he needs all the support he can get from you and your wife."

"Well Doctor, I know now we can give him what he needs, because now he will probably let us. He has an appointment with you this evening, right?" I just nodded. I was too weak to even think of an answer.

"I won't take much of your time anymore. I just really needed to thank you." He shook my hand and walked out the door.

I was spent. I collapsed onto the sofa and fell asleep praying Edward wouldn't come for the appointment. I woke up with Alice shaking me by the shoulder, reminding me that Edward would be there in half an hour.

"He didn't call cancelling?", was my hopeful question.

"Sorry, Sweetie. He didn't." Alice replied, twisting her face.

Standing up, I strode to the bathroom and took a long shower, letting the water work the knots in my body. I washed my hair, shaved, and when I was done, I felt like a new man with a new resolution: Edward was my patient. I needed to stop behaving like a girl and start acting like the professional I was.

When Edward arrived, I'd had dinner and was as ready as I was going to be, my wet hair loose with only a small portion tucked behind my ears.

"Hey, Doc," he positively greeted me walking in my office, closing the door behind him. This in turn made me feel confident.

"How are you feeling this evening?", I asked, and as I was walking from my desk to my armchair, Edward met me mid way and held me. Feeling his body pressed to mine, all the air escaped my lungs, leaving my body for good, taking along my confidence and my resolutions from earlier.

I noticed he breathed me in like a favoured comforter freshly washed, and I could feel his lips touching my neck.

* * *

><p><strong>AN** – Did you make it to the end of this chapter? Congratulations! The story is not over yet, though. Let's see who can endure it to the end. No, the story was not written to test your resistance or your stomach. But it was certainly split in chapters so as to give you time to rest from it. A friend who read it twice said the second time is easier. She also said it was totally worth reading! So please, don't give up!

Now, let me know if you could make it to the end of chapter 2! Let me know if you couldn't and why. What part of it made you stop and how you wanted it to have been instead.

**Your feedback is really important**! Please, hit the blue button and give it a go!


	3. Chapter 3

**Author:** DPD

**Rating:** M for language and guy-on-guy action.

**Pairings:** Edward/Jasper

**Disclaimer:** SM owns it all, but my pervy mind and thoughts.

**Summary: **This is a sad, dark, yet beautiful slash story about Edward, who came to my offices to discuss his past. His partner, James had killed himself. My heart grieved for his loss, until his dark secret was revealed to me. Contains hardcore kink, fetishes, scat play and golden showers. **WARNING**: not for the faint hearted.

**A/N:** This is a slash story. If you are not into man on man sex, walk away. If you are under 18, walk away. There are kinky disturbing images including **paraphilia** like **coprophilia **and **urolagnia**. If you have a weak stomach, walk away. There are plenty of other stories for you to read. **If you don't know what those terms mean, please google them.**

I want to thank my three musketeers Athos, Porthos and Aramis for helping me make this fic almost pleasant for you guys to read, and for convincing me to post it. I want to thank my friend D'Artagnan for the banner she made for Nasty. You can find the link to it in my profile.

**There are some stomach churning parts in this chapter that could gross you out, you have been warned, so please no reviews sending me to the devil.**

**Believe me, I've already booked my place.**

* * *

><p><strong>Nasty<strong>

** Chapter 3**

_I noticed he breathed me in like a favored comforter freshly washed, and I could feel his lips touching my neck.- End of chapter 2._

He let go, and I needed to pull myself together. I walked to my chair and sat down, trying to speak, but he beat me to it.

Edward was already sat across from me with his elbows on his knees and his hands draped between his legs, "Thank you. I never knew I could feel so good again." His smile was plastered on his face, his eyes sparkling as Carlisle said.

"I didn't do anything. You opened up. It's all your own work."

"Okay…" he said, pursing his lips, "I just … I never thought of it all, not being a sickness. I thought I was sick for liking that," he looked up at me, examining my face.

I mirrored his gaze back and replied, "People like different things, Edward. Especially when they are being intimate. Nothing you have told me so far makes me think you were trying to hurt each other or harm each other in any way. As you said yourself, you felt cared for. I know you didn't tell me everything, though. Do you wish to speak more about it, or do you need to speak of something else?"

_Please, please, choose not to say anything further about this._

"I need to finish." He answered. I just nodded.

"We ended up when you said you wouldn't be the passive one in your relationship with James?"

"I was a coward," he said, lowering his eyes.

"What makes you say that?" I tilted my head, frowning at his comment.

"I don't know why I was so stubborn with this. I was a petty child who would only accept things my way."

"I need you to tell me what made you reach those conclusions."

"James was alone. He would have done anything to be with me. He accepted any conditions I imposed. When I was accepted into Julliard, I told him I would go anyway, and if he didn't want to come with me, it was over between us. I knew he would come with me. He had been accepted at MIT. He was brilliant in everything he did. But he quit his dream school to be with me. I never gave him credit for that; I was an arrogant selfish bastard."

"Once we were in New York, I know I pulled away a bit. I needed to practice, study, be around people from my field; he was always with me. I only met a friend or two he made in college. He never went to parties or anywhere people from his school invited him to go because of me. He knew I was tired in the evenings and wouldn't be able to go. One day he was ready to go out when I arrived home from school tired; I threw a tantrum because he was going by himself."

"He ended up staying."

Edward stood up and walked about the room. "I feel guilty; not for him choosing to end his life. I knew it would have made no difference, him being with me or without me in the end. He chose not to live in pain. He chose not to live. But I'm guilty for him going looking for sex somewhere else…"

My stomach sank, and I knew what was coming. I could hear the tick-tock of the time bomb clicking. Edward was leaning on the edge of the other side of my desk, almost sitting on it with his back to me. His eyes looking out of the windows I suppose.

"James pushed me really far. After wiping me and fingering me in the bathroom, he did it again, but it was worse this time. He walked in on me in the bathroom, knelt in front of me, circling his arms around my waist. It felt good having him holding me like that. I hadn't started going yet, and I felt…" he sighed deeply as if trying to find the strength to verbalize his thoughts. His right hand went to his face, pinching on the bridge of his nose. He ran the hand through his auburn hair and went on. "I felt his fingers on my ass, brushing against it, the tip slowly sliding into me.

"And I heard his words … 'Do it, Baby. Do it for me.' I didn't protest. It felt too good being like that in his warmth. I pushed it out, and I felt his finger in and out of me as I did it."

There was another long pause; I don't know who needed it most him or me. My stomach was churning, and his hair was being punished by his long slender fingers. Edward then grasped the edge of the desk with both of his hands, looked up, took a deep breath and went on.

"That became the routine. I loved it. He would do that while sucking my cock, stroking me, until I came right after being done. He would turn the water on and wash me, from head to toe. Then we would go to bed, and I would make love to him. I couldn't live without him anymore. I had my life reorganized to be with him as much as possible. I missed so many classes just to be with him, I don't know how I graduated."

"But, one day … I was in bed on a Sunday morning and was about to get up to go to the bathroom, and he stopped me, asking me where I was going. I told him, and he immediately said 'I want you to go here … I wanna watch you go.' I told him I wasn't doing that there; it would ruin our bed. He stood up and grabbed a couple of towels, rushing back to bed and saying they weren't being used and could be ruined."

Edward sighed once again, and it was time for me to face the truth. Edward was never pushed to do anything. He did everything out of his own will. And he liked it. How would he face a relationship with someone else where he wouldn't have that?

"James took my pants off, and first he drank me. I needed to be careful, do it slowly so he wouldn't gag and spill it everywhere. Then he carefully placed me on his side of the bed, where he had already laid the towels. I was face down in the pillow. I could not look at him while I did that. I felt him massaging my butt cheeks. His fingers sliding by my hole. I should have known he wouldn't just watch. I felt him parting my cheeks and his finger sliding inside me. That was enough for me to let go.

"As I pushed it out, I heard him saying 'God, this is beautiful … as beautiful as watching you come, Baby.' I felt decadent. But I felt loved. He was able to love me even like that."

Edward slid to the floor behind my desk. I couldn't see him anymore.

"Are you okay, Edward?" I asked, intrigued.

"Yeah … I'm fine." He replied in a small voice. "The minute I was almost done, I felt him straddle my legs. I felt his hands on my butt cheeks, and … And I felt the tip of his cock pushing into me."

Edward went quiet—too quiet.

"Edward, are you okay?" I got no answer. "Edward?" And I heard him sobbing; I couldn't keep away from him anymore. I jumped to where he was, kneeling down in front of him. "Are you okay? Talk to me!"

Edward held me by my shirt and pulled me to him, burying his face in the crook of my neck, sobbing uncontrollably while trying to speak, "I … I … I never said no … I …"

"Shhhhhh, that's okay … you don't need to say anything more." His crying became even more desperate, and I could hardly understand his words between his sobs. "I ... I never said stop. I let him … I let him fuck me. He fucked me, and I … liked it … I did."

He was still holding onto me as if he were holding onto life. His cries were loud, and I was praying Alice couldn't hear them. If she walked in, I would probably lose him again.

"I didn't say no … I … I had an orgasm." And slowly, his sobbing weakened but not his grip on my shirt. He even snuggled further into my chest. I reached for his face, wiping the tears with my fingers. I felt him kiss them. I pretended not to notice.

He went on, "I remembered what I told him the first day in the boarding school. I said … I said I would never be anyone's bitch. And I hated myself for letting him fuck me. Before he could do anything, I pulled him out of me and rushed to the bathroom cursing him and promising I would never touch him again and would never let him touch me."

Holding him, I rocked us back and forth, trying to calm him down. He was still crying, and I felt like my heart was missing a piece.

"He couldn't take my rejection … looked for sex somewhere else. He should have known I would never do that; I would never shut him out of my life for long. He should've…"

"Shhhhhh. It's okay. That was not your fault. He could have coped better. You didn't cheat on him, did you?" He shook his head no. "So he could've gone alone for a while longer, waiting a little more, giving you time to come around. Especially, if he was still living with you." He never noticed I was using information that he wasn't the one to provide.

"He got sick … I got mad at him for putting me at risk, for putting his own life at risk. I threw him out when I should have helped him. I was the only one he had!"

He started crying convulsively. I held him tighter and cried with him. He was right. They had been taking care of each other for years. He was the only one James had at that time; he should have never thrown him out. How would he ever cope with the guilt? How could I help him?

"Where did he go?" I murmured in his ear.

"My parents … they ... they took care of him. I … I ended up coming back home to be close to him. I loved him." I just nodded.

"Did you get back together?"

"No … not sexually. My dad wouldn't allow us to sleep in the same bedroom. He was already hurting. He was losing a son already. Didn't wanna lose another, he said."

Edward's hands let go of my shirt, going straight to his cheeks, trying to dry his tears from there and his eyes.

"Dad wanted me to be tested. I just couldn't. I wouldn't know what to do if I were sick too. I hadn't been with James for three months when he found out. I needed to wait three more to take the test. But … but I was with him for everything else. Doctor appointments, tests … I took care of his medication, his food. Mom helped, too."

"Why didn't he go to his folks' house?"

"They didn't want him there." His voice was still really shaky. At this point, I was holding him in my arms, cocooning him to me, caressing his hair. My tears mixed with his, running down my cheeks landing on his.

"He asked me if I still loved him; I said yes. He asked me to make love to him; I said no. I was too afraid. I couldn't. A few days later he … he O.D.'d. He had never used drugs before that."

Edward's voice broke down; his sobbing increased, and shaking, he collapsed on my shoulder. I cradled him in my arms and tried to calm him down "Edward, none of that was your fault. You have no responsibility over the choices James made! Your reaction to what he did was normal. You were even more generous than you needed to be. You didn't throw him out. You were good to him even when you were feeling betrayed by him. He betrayed your trust; invaded your body without asking for permission. And when you said he wouldn't touch you anymore, we know between two people that love each other, those things are said but quickly forgotten. He pushed you over the edge."

I said all these things in a quiet soothing voice; even though internally, I was a complete wreck. I took another couple of deep breaths before continuing.

"He had no right to cheat, though. He had absolutely no right to ask you to make love to him and risk your health, knowing he was sick. He didn't think about all you had together before choosing to be with someone else, risking his health and yours, and despite all he did, you came back for him. You took care of him; quit your life in New York to be with him in his time of need. You have nothing to blame yourself for."

Edward stopped shaking and exhaled. Soon I felt his body go limp. I could feel something wasn't right. I don't know where I found the strength to pick him up in my arms, stand up and take him to the couch in my arms. He was way taller and more muscular than I was. Adrenaline rush, maybe?

I called for Alice, and as she walked in, she knew she needed to call someone.

"Call Carlisle!" I shouted.

"Maybe calling 911 would be better?" she questioned.

"Call them both! I'll bet Carlisle arrives first!"

Edward had his eyes open but was unresponsive. He was there, but his mind seemed to be somewhere else. Calling his name a few times, he suddenly looked into my eyes. I pleaded him to talk to me. When he replied, he said he had said everything. I noticed he was back and held him close again. I called Alice, and she came back into my office quickly. I told her to call everybody and say everything was okay.

I held Edward for a long time, feeling his warmth on my skin, the wetness of his cheeks, his breath fanning on my face. His eyelashes were damp, framing his perfect eyes against the pale skin. When I was ready to let him go, I did it slowly. But Edward had other thoughts and circling an arm, reached for the back of my neck, pulling my face to his, stopping right before our lips could touch. His eyes were blazing, shifting from mine to my lips.

He darted out his tongue and licked my bottom lip. His moist warm tongue felt like silk on my lip, but I couldn't; we couldn't.

"We can't do this. Edward, we can't do this." He closed his eyes, but I wanted him to look at me.  
>"Open your eyes and look at me, Edward!" I commanded him―He obeyed.<p>

"I'm your doctor. I'm still your doctor. Maybe this isn't right. Maybe you need someone who can really treat you with nothing clouding his thoughts."

"What is it that is clouding your thoughts?" he asked, looking deep into my eyes, demanding an explanation by his tone.

At that very moment, Carlisle came in and rushed to Edward, who clammed up immediately.

"What's going on? I came as fast as I could!" Carlisle asked, kneeling down, already checking Edward's pulse.

"I think I had low blood pressure, Dad … I'm okay now ... Really." Carlisle measured everything he could; temperature, blood pressure, glucose. His blood pressure was still a little low, but we gave him some salt, and Carlisle was satisfied.

Edward left his car here and rode home with Carlisle. We didn't exchange a word from the moment Carlisle arrived to the moment they left together.

I was spent.

I felt like I was trapped in a movie; like someone from the outside would be able to tell me what to do, but I couldn't find the perfect solution to my case. I wondered if I should talk to Carlisle; he was the only one I could talk to about this case.

Lost in thought, I hardly noticed Alice coming in.

"Hey Jazz, you look exhausted. Is there something I can do?" She sounded really concerned, and when I looked up at her, her eyes were fixed on me with a furrowed brow of concern adorning her face.

"Thanks, Alice … But I don't think so." I answered, shaking my head no.

Sighing, she asked her next question, "Is he gonna be okay?"

"Better than me, I guess. He is pulling through. Started talking and also listening."

"Listening? As in listening for advice?" she asked, puzzled. She knew I never did that. She knew I generally talked to my patients so as to have them realize what they needed to perceive. But this time I knew I was doing everything wrong, especially when Alice's already concerned face started eyeing me like my mother would when I stepped home with my filthy shoes after playing in the muddy backyard.

"Alice … We don't really talk to each other. He talks; I listen. There is no reasoning, because when he starts, he sounds like a machine gun. I'm so afraid that he'll shut me out again that I never interrupt him until he decides to stop. And then, all the talk in me is gone, because the things he tells me are so appalling … Oh God, I don't know what to do."

"Dr. Hale, how long has it been since your last appointment with Dr. Black?"

She called me Dr. Hale; that meant I was in trouble, double trouble, because she reminded me that I was also skipping my appointments. I had forgotten all about that.

We therapists have a habit of being treated by a therapist as a way to keep us sane. Dr. Black had gone to his reservation for a month, and since he came back, I hadn't seemed to find the time to go see him.

I don't know why, but the idea of seeing him didn't look so appealing to me at that point.

"I can't talk about this with Jacob. He is not Edward's doctor."

"I wish you would quit being so silly. This has nothing to do with Edward and all to do with you. The boy is fighting his demons while you are just feeding yours!" Throwing her hands to the air with a desperate tone.

Alice was right.

That same day, I called Jake and asked him to see me. I ended up in his office the very same evening.

Jake was a great doctor with very unconventional methods. I hardly ever had any important issues to discuss with him, but it was procedure. I needed someone to listen to me, too.

Arriving at his office, I took my seat and noted the frown on Jake's forehead; I looked that bad.

I told him all that went on from the first time I met Edward 'til the last minutes he was in my office, leaving out the feelings I had for him since the very first moment we'd met.I was ashamed of my behaviour; I didn't know how talking to Jake would help.

"So, you are telling me Carlisle came to ask you to see his son?" I nodded.

"And you said you would?" I nodded again.

"And please make me understand why you accepted this. You have a close relationship with Carlisle! We are not totally impartial when we have a relationship with the patient's family."

I needed to explain myself. "Carlisle is a good friend. He asked me to see his son because Edward wouldn't agree to see anyone else."

"Oh my God, Jay … How can you be so naive?" he asked, amused; frowning at me once more.

"What?" I spat back at his comment.

"Have you asked yourself why he accepted to see you? He knew who you were; he knew you were easy on the eye; he knew you were gay!" He finished, raising his brows as if the point he was trying to make was so obvious.

I was mad that he was implying I was hired to be with Edward in a non-professional way. I stood up and shouted, "Are you suggesting that Edward consciously accepted to see me because he wanted to fuck me?"

Jacob laughed, hard; maybe surprised I used that kind of language. It was something he had never heard from me before.

"I don't know, and I don't care who would be doing the fucking, Jay…" He kept on chuckling, and I wanted to punch him in the face for that. "And no, not consciously. I'm not implying they did it consciously. I'm not implying you all did it consciously."

"We all?" I looked at him with my brows up in distrust.

"Yeah … I'm not convinced you were not attracted to him from the start, right from when you saw him at your graduation."

"Are you accusing me of accepting to treat Carlisle's son to get into his pants?" I seethed, standing up walking around his desk and stopping right in front of the chair. He moved to face me.

Jake rolled his eyes. "Nooo ... I already said that, not consciously. You are all to blame in this; you, Edward and Carlisle. At the same time, too innocent to think this would have worked for all of you. Now go around and sit back down, will you?" I ran my hand through my hair and sighed in frustration.

"I don't get it …" I said, sitting back on the couch with my elbows on my knees while my hands punished my hair and supported my head.

"What I mean is ... Carlisle knew it was not the best idea to ask one of his friends, in this case even worse, his former student, someone who worshiped him in Uni, to treat his son. Edward must have remembered you and accepted you to treat him because of a sense of pleasure he must have felt in your company the first time you met. You had at least one reason to accept this, pleasing Carlisle and fulfilling his request."

"At least?"

"I still don't believe you didn't feel anything for the guy when you two first met." He looked at me with questioning eyes.

"Come on, Jake! It's not because I'm gay that I feel attracted to every cute guy I meet!"

"Hah!" Jake crowed in triumph, throwing his pen onto his paper. "See! You confirm he is cute!" When I was about to protest, he went on. "If I were gay and someone like him showed up in front of me, Dear Lord! I would be all over him within seconds!"

"What?" I was wide eyed and completely floored.

"I am man enough to recognize when a man looks good, Jay… and Edward is a Greek God, for all I know…" His smile was carved on his face so wide and playful; I didn't know what to make of it.

FUCK.

"You feel it, don't you?" he accused.

"Okay, I did, at first. But then by his interaction with James, I felt we were … sexually incompatible." And I could feel the blush creep up my cheeks.

"You mean like … the top and bottom thing?" I wished for the ground to open and swallow me whole!

"Yes, Jacob … that!" was all I could articulate.

"Don't be embarrassed, Jay. We never discussed your sex life, because apparently, you didn't used to have one. Always waiting for someone special to show up at your door, wrapped as a Christmas gift since you never go out or take a chance on meeting anyone."

"I've been alone for a while." I agreed.

"Since when? Can you even remember?"

"Last time was … I guess in college. Oh, no! Got a one night stand a few years back, but it all went so wrong I just gave up trying." I shook my head.

"Okay, not the therapist but the friend speaking here now, okay?" Jake asked.I answered by nodding.

"How much do you like this guy?" His eyes were burning with mischief now.

"I don't like him." I tried to deceive him, but my voice was so weak, I wouldn't have fooled a fly.

"Bullshit! You lost control because you feel something for him. Your thoughts are hazy because your feelings are stronger than your power to control them! Tell me, since when did you like this guy?" he insisted, his voice louder and demanding.

I didn't know. I didn't know whether I liked him, or lusted for him, or wanted him. All I knew was that I wanted him to heal, to not feel responsible for something that was out of his control, and yes, I felt like hugging him, breathing him in, feeling his lips on mine.

"I … I felt a pull the first time we met. Then the first time he walked into my office looking spooked and trapped. And ever since then, it's getting stronger by the minute. He is the one I wake up thinking of, and he is my last thought when I close my eyes at night."

In a softer, comprehensive voice, he continued his reasoning, "And yet, you didn't let him kiss you. You, my friend, are the strongest man I have ever had the chance to meet." I shook my head while he kept on, "Do you think you were clear enough when you said you were not going to treat him anymore?"

"I think I was. If I wasn't, I will be next time we meet." I said, acknowledging my defeat. No matter what, I had to be more professional than that. I couldn't let my feelings cloud my mind. I was disappointed with myself. I felt like a loser at this point.

"Do it … and then ask him out!" he said between chuckles, mischief back on his face.

I just wished he weren't so big so I could have a shot at beating him up! I ended up laughing with him. I only wish things were that simple.

The next day I was in my office during lunch break. Alice had brought me a salad, which I had already eaten, when I heard a knock at the door.

"Come in!" I shouted, obliviously thinking it was Alice again. I kept on shuffling around some papers on my desk. I turned to look at the door since I didn't hear the pixie's voice, and she would never be this quiet anyway.

Closing the door behind him, there he was―his face puzzled and unreadable.

"Hi." Was all I could say. I felt powerless in his presence.

Still leaning against the door, his hands between the door and his back, he started the enquiry.

"Did I misunderstand you yesterday, or did you quit treating me?"

Oh, fuck.

"Edward … Edward, there is a tension between us. Something, that is not helping. I don't know if I'm able to surpass that. I'm sure you will be better off with a different doctor."

Edward strode in my direction and only stopped when his body was trapping me against my desk. His hands were on the desk, on both sides of my body. His lips were inches from my ear. His body curved to reach my ear level, since he was almost a half a foot taller than me. His voice was harsh, but not menacing.

"I don't think anyone can do for me more than you've already done." I felt panic; I felt anxiety, but I also felt all the want and need I had for him. His body was so fucking close to mine, his scent invading my brain, numbing my thoughts.

"Edward, I didn't do anything. Opening up was all your effort; I had nothing to do with that. If you feel better about yourself now, it was your accomplishment; not mine." All of my nervousness showing in my shaky voice. My eyes closed in fear of what I would be capable of had I looked into his eyes.

"I opened up because I felt something for you. I opened up because I finally felt free to live my life again, not afraid of being sick and becoming a pariah, a burden to my parents, the walking dead. I opened up because I wanted you to know me! I wanted you to want me and accept me with all my faults and mistakes! I saw it in your eyes from the very first time we met! I knew you felt the attraction too. When I walked through that door the very first day, I kept praying I was healthy so I would have a shot with you. I never prayed so hard in all my life!"

Resting his forehead on my shoulder, he took a deep breath, and I felt the warm air leaving his nose, sweeping my shoulder. In a moment of extreme courage, I uttered my deepest feeling, so true, so real; I felt relieved once I let it out, "You have me …"

Edward moved to look into my eyes with his wide, green, glistening orbs, and for a moment, I don't think he believed what he had heard. Not looking away, I repeated it.

"You have me."

Edward crashed his lips to mine; they were demanding and desperate. I felt our teeth crashing, bruising each other's lips. Edward's hands were holding my head still, and I felt his tongue licking me all over, nipping, and softly biting every inch of my face. I only felt! I felt how desperate he was for me, too! I felt his ministrations moving down my neck; I felt his lips and teeth bruising my skin everywhere they landed, immediately followed by his soothing tongue. I felt his hard cock rubbing against mine as his body was flush with mine, dancing sensually up and down, and thrusting against my hip.

His scent was all over me, his breath warming up my soul, his hands travelling all over my back and sides. All I wanted was to have him inside me. I wanted nothing else. Suddenly, I remembered the door!

"The door, the door," I mumbled to him between moans.

"I locked it … I locked it so I could have you all to myself." He said unashamedly.

"Brilliant … Now shut up and fuck me!" It was urgent; it was animalistic. Edward turned me around and in seconds had his hands fumbling on my buttons and zipper. I slapped his hands away and undid it all myself while I felt him doing the same with his. This wasn't going to be romantic; it wasn't going to be slow and fluffy. I needed him to be wild! I needed him to mirror my feelings and needs!

Leaning across the desk, trying not to knock anything down, I reached for the tube of lube in my desk drawer. I felt Edward pulling me back as soon as he saw I got it. His right hand pulled my body flushed to his by my chin, huskily whispering, "Prepared, Doc?", taking the tube from my hand.

I didn't even blush when I answered "Gay Life 101…"

Edward pushed my pants down and out, letting his own pants only slide down to his knees. I felt his right hand behind my right knee, pulling it up onto the desk. I was open to him, at his mercy.  
>I felt his lube-slick fingers spreading the cold gel up and down my crack until he reached my puckered entrance, slowing down his movements. Bracing myself, I grasped the desk so hard my knuckles were white. I noticed his breathing also slowed down, and I felt his breath on my ear.<p>

"How long has it been since you've had anyone inside you?" he whispered.

"Too long," was all I could breathlessly say.

I felt his fingers slide inside me slowly, and that was not what I wanted. Just because I had been a virtual monk where men were concerned, didn't mean that I hadn't had my own DIY fun.

"Don't want fingers … want you …" I murmured, thrusting back into his hand. My eyes were shut; all I could feel was his body, his hands … I was shut off to the rest of the world.

Soon his fingers slipped from inside me, and I felt him pressing the head of his cock against my hole. I hadn't even seen his cock, so I reached for it with my hand; to feel it, feel it sliding into me.

My own erection was on the verge of hurting. As I held his cock, aligning it to me, Edward circled his arm around me, holding my cock in his firm fist.

He was long. And I felt his cock inch by inch, in my hand and inside me, breaching my ring slowly, burning, gliding into my tunnel until I was on the tip of my toes, pushing against the desk, sheathing his cock completely inside me.

I felt Edward's forehead rest between my shoulder blades, his breathing heavy on my back. "Want your shirt off … need to feel your skin."

As I was unbuttoning my shirt, I felt him pulling it down forcefully. His cock buried inside me, immobile. I could feel it throbbing, twitching. As I was done unbuttoning mine, I heard a strange ripping sound and felt his buttons hitting my back. His arms were around me, pulling me into him, the heated flesh of his chest against my back.

I felt him start moving in and out of me slowly but powerfully. I heard the desk legs scratching the floor in the rhythm of his thrusts. My eyes were roaming about the room ahead of me. I could see the pencil holder shaking, almost tipping over the desk.

Edward was trembling, his craving mirroring mine. Suddenly I felt him pull his cock almost all the way out and then push it back in, saying, "I know I need to go slow … Though all I want is to slam inside you hard and fast …" His voice was almost a murmur, shaky and dripping desire, ending his sentence in a harsh, strong thrust into me.

The pencil holder finally flipped, and I could hear pencils and pens rolling across the desk, falling to the floor. He slid out of me slowly, plunging hard into me again as soon as only the head was left in, pushing me and the desk further, causing more stuff to fall to the floor.

I couldn't take the slow torture anymore. "Do it … Fuck me hard and fast … Slam your cock inside me. Please, do it …"

Edward pulled me to him, holding me, walking backwards until we reached the back of the sofa.

"Brace yourself on the back of the couch, Baby …" and so I did.

Edward's hips started slamming into mine, his cock massaging my insides, his mouth biting my back repeatedly, his sweat dripping from his forehead onto me. His hands were roaming everywhere while he fucked me just the way I wanted, just the way I liked it, burning my hole, tapping my prostate. Just when I thought this would all be over, he slipped out of me, resting his head on my back one more time.

I didn't know what to think, but it wasn't long until I understood.

Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me to the ground, bringing some of the couch pillows with him. He laid me on the Persian rug, placing the pillows under my back and head. His pants were off; so were his shoes. I never got to see him losing them. Placing himself between my legs on his knees, he leaned in and spoke pure lust and want against my lips, "I wanna be able to look at you. I want to see that you want me as much as I want you."

His cock was inside me again, my legs wrapped around his waist. His fingers curled around my cock.

Kissing me nonstop, I felt Edward start fucking me hard, pressing me against the carpet, the friction from it burning my ass. His tongue was thrusting into my mouth in time to his cock in my channel. I felt my balls hardening; his cock was hitting my sweet spot over and over again, and my moans and groans got louder. His taste was in my mouth; his smell was in my nose. I was in sensory overload when I heard him say, "Come for me, Beautiful … let go …"

I threw my head back, and my back arched as I came all over his hand, my stomach and chest. My cries were an octave higher, and I could hardly coordinate my breathing.

As my ring clenched around his cock, I saw him shutting his eyes and his mouth opening as his ecstasy face made it all even more blissful! I felt his come hitting my walls, warming me up inside, soothing the burn.

"Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrgghhhhhhhhh…." And he became a shivering mess, convulsing inside me, on top of me, around me.

Edward collapsed over me; his weight made me feel safe, comfortable, and home.

His face was buried in the crook of my neck. His hands flew to my hair, and his fingers started playing with my locks. God! That felt heavenly!

"Did I hurt you?" he murmured in my ear while still massaging my scalp.

"No … I don't think you did." I whispered back with a stupid grin on my face.

"Can I call you Jay?" he asked, now looking at me, rubbing his thumb over my right dimple.

"Sure …" I sighed.

"My dad calls you Jay…" he chuckled.

"He does?" I turned to look at his beautiful face; my brows shot up in surprise.

"Uh huh…" he answered, nodding against my shoulder. "He admires you a lot. I was jealous of you when he was your teacher." He confessed in between giggles.

"Why's that?" I was intrigued but looked away from him not to look so curious.

"He never mentioned you were not straight. I thought you were the kid he wanted for a son; straight medical student … a young version of himself. He talked a lot about you."

"When did you stop being jealous?" I turned my face to look at him once more.

"When I saw everything he said was true." I sighed contentedly. We just breathed in and out. Ed's fingers still in my hair, I closed my eyes at the sensation they caused.

"I don't wanna be just a guy you nailed, Dr. Hale." Edward started firmly.

"I never nail anyone, Edward." I giggled.

"I want you to be my boyfriend. Do you think it's too soon?" he looked at me seriously, now.

"I don't know. Who knows, really?" I mused. There was something I needed to ask, but was terrified of the answer. "Do you still have feelings for James?" I closed my eyes shut in anticipation.

"No…" he answered, and suddenly I exhaled in relief. "I stopped loving him as a man the day I found out he betrayed me." He explained. "I came back to help my parents treat him out of the brotherly love I still felt for him. Fuck…"

"What? What's wrong?" I slid out from under him and supported myself on my bent elbow.

"It's gonna be so hard having a boyfriend … I mean … not sleeping with you every night, not waking up to your image sleeping by my side in the morning." He said, drawing circles on my chest with his fingers.

"Aren't you Mister Romantic?" I said amused, smiling at the thought of him kissing me goodnight and waking up to his naked body in my bed in the morning.

"Nope … I'm Mister Horny!" he said, pushing me down to the ground again. "I wanna fuck you every night, and I wanna suck your morning wood every morning." And his lips were playfully all around me; kissing me, licking me, nipping my skin, while his hands were tickling me, and I had to shout,

"My ass! My ass! The carpet is burning my ass again! Please stop!" in between giggles.

Suddenly he was quiet again, and his demeanour changed. He sat up, legs crossed ahead of him, his spent cock lying on his ball sack. He stared at me with a severe look in his eyes.

I noticed his knees were red from the carpet burn too. It took him a while to speak, so I did it first, "Are your knees okay?" I asked him softly. He nodded, looking down to his knees, and that apparently made him relax a bit. When he looked up at me again, I saw resolve in his eyes.

"Can you accept me for who I am?" he asked seriously. "Even after all I told you? Even knowing all about me?"

I took a moment to search inside my head through all his words and explanations, and feelings descriptions, and all I could come up with was the need to be with him. The craving I felt to take him and have him for myself; the good and the bad, the amazing guy he was with all his qualities and flaws.

"I fell for you for who you are." I finally answered.

Edward brushed a lock of hair behind his ear and went on.

"What if … What if one day I ask you … to do stuff to me … Stuff I told you I liked when done to me?" His eyes were burning into mine. He was searching for truth in my answer.

Finally there was no point anymore in denying that all he told me spiced up my want for him.

All of it.

I felt a burn inside me every time I thought of how good I could make him feel. No bullshit, no inhibitions, tending to his every need, making him feel the bliss James did, but with no hidden agenda, just to give him pleasure, to make him feel loved. It wasn't a matter of only showing him how much I loved him, I was actually really turned on by the whole thing. I could hardly wait for him to ask me, so I could be with him that way, taking care of my man that way, knowing he wanted me to touch him so intimately, surrendering himself to me.

"I'll do it," I gushed, not even flinching.

"You sure?" he asked tilting his head, furrowing his brows.

"Edward, if it makes you happy, fulfilled, sated, I'll do it. I just refuse to hurt you, Baby … anything else. You know, I already told you … You have me. I'm yours."

Edward crawled to me again, pushing me down to the floor once more. Lying on top of me kissing my lips slowly and sensually, he began thrusting his hips into mine, our spent cocks rubbing together, our chests slick with my drying come. Once he pulled away a bit, I asked, "What are we telling your mom and dad?"

"I already told them. They were the ones who told me to come and fight for you."

I held Edward tight, squeezing my eyes shut, thanking whatever divinity was responsible for all this.

"I'll take care of you, Jay…" he promised in a whisper, and I pulled him even tighter to me saying, "I'll take care of you too, Ed."

And as soon as the last words fell from my lips, we heard a knock on the door, and Alice saying, "Dr. Hale? Is everything okay? Mrs. Cope is here for her appointment."

Oh, fuck.

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><p><strong>AN –** Wow! Congratulations! You made it to the end! So, how was it? Was it worth reading the whole thing? Errrr… don't know if I wanna know that… Just joking.

Thanks for giving it a try even after all the warnings and the hard, disgusting bits of it. This story is really dear to me, since I wrote it to calm my heart after a nightmare that wouldn't leave my mind. I needed Edward to heal, and what other way would be better than by Jasper's hands?

Now please! Leave your message, your thoughts, your feelings about the story! **As always, your feedback is really important to me! **I have written some more of the boys' lives together some time in a near future. Let me know if you want to read about it and I'll post it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Author:** DPD

**Rating:** M for language and guy-on-guy action.

**Pairings:** Edward/Jasper

**Disclaimer:** SM owns it all, but my pervy mind and thoughts.

**Summary: **This is a sad, dark, yet beautiful slash story about Edward, who came to my offices to discuss his past. His partner, James had killed himself. My heart grieved for his loss, until his dark secret was revealed to me. Contains hardcore kink, fetishes, scat play and golden showers.

**A/N:** This is a slash story. If you are not into man on man sex, walk away. If you are under 18, walk away. There are kinky disturbing images including **paraphilia. This chapter is lighter on kink.**

This story was supposed to be a complete one shot that became too long, hence the three chapters. I had no intention to post it at first, then didn't think of writing more to it, now the boys keep screaming their story in my head and I can't stop writing it. But writing doesn't come natural to me. It's never linear or thorough as it is for many writers and I need to work really hard to make it at least bearable to my own eyes. It takes really long for me to finish a chapter and for the ones who enjoy it and wish to keep on reading it, I will ask patience since I don't want to make you read trash just for the sake of updating every week. I can assure you I already have chapter 5 with my beta and that I'm working on chapter 6 already. I'd love for you to stay with me and apologize for the inconvenience of irregular updates. The chapters will always be a glimpse of their future together, not a day-by-day description.

I want to thank my three musketeers Athos, Porthos and Aramis for helping me make this fic almost pleasant for you guys to read, and for convincing me to post it. I want to welcome my great friend Merlin, the wizard who is working magic on my poor writing, to the group. Thanks Darlin! Your help is much appreciated! I also want to thank my friend D'Artagnan for the banner she made for Nasty. You can find the link to it in my profile.

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><p><strong>Nasty<strong>

**Chapter 4**

**Seth's POV**

I was talking to a colleague in reception when Edward Cullen arrived at my office, and I could tell right away he was reluctant to be here. He came to me after a former student of mine, Doctor Jacob Black, recommended me to Edward's boyfriend.

Doctor Black was aware of my methods and trusted I could do a good job with Edward. He was Edward's boyfriend's therapist and already knew a little bit of Edward's story. He'd never told me any particulars, but he did mention the man was going to be a challenge.

It didn't please me to know that. I liked the surprise of discovering a patient's life and troubles by myself, being able to form my own opinions, and knowing I would probably hit a solid rock wall in my office that evening was not something I was looking forward to.

I never shied away from obstacles. I believe they are much needed in order to keep us on our toes and make life less boring.

Walking in to my office, I found a very uncomfortable Edward seated on the couch. I noticed he was jumpy and agitated and his was face frozen in a constant scowl as he gazed around the room aimlessly. Doctor Black had shared little about him, but I knew that he was an accomplished musician, had suffered a trauma and he's also started a relationship with his last therapist, Jake's colleague and patient Doctor Jasper Hale.

I introduced myself "Morning. You must be Edward Cullen? I'm Doctor Seth Clearwater, welcome to my office."

Edward shook my hand, standing briefly before sitting as soon as our hands disconnected.

I sat in my chair for a short while observing Edward's awkwardness through his body language, wondering if he had taken a vow of silence or something. His eyes kept darting about the room, and it seemed he didn't know what he was supposed to do or what we were there for. I was obviously going to have to do a little steering and nudging in the right direction.

"So, Edward ... I understand you have been in therapy before?" I started. He slid a little bit back on his seat, crossing his arms across his chest and nodded his answer.

"So you know how it works?" I completed. He nodded once more.

Silence settled in again.

"Are you uncomfortable, Edward?" He shook his head no, pursing his lips, dropping his eyes to the ground.

He kept refusing to speak and that was feeding my curiosity. What was wrong with this guy? He was behaving like a petulant four year-old. I'd never thought I was overly aggressive with patients, despite what some people's comments about my practice were, but I found that some of them needed a bigger push. So I tried again.

"Why are you here?"

He finally broke the silence, looking right at me and holding my gaze while answering.

"Because Jasper thinks I need therapy, " was his short, to the point retort.

He kept his eyes on me, observing my reaction to his answer. Despite what he might have thought, I knew who Jasper was. I knew he was Doctor Jasper Hale, considered by many to be the star psychiatrist of the moment. He was his former therapist― the one he fell in love with. That alone should be reason for his career to be tainted, but apparently romantic stories like theirs made people soft in their hearts and weak in their minds.

I had to admit though, Edward was a masterpiece. I was man enough to admit when a man was not an ordinary specimen. Had I ever treated a woman of the same beauty, I would probably be in trouble too. I couldn't really point my finger at them. I'd married a student.

To keep up dialogue though, I enquired, "Who is Jasper?" He didn't need to know I knew more than I should about him already.

"You don't know him? Doctor Jasper Hale?" he said answering me with another question. I nodded. I couldn't lie to his face.

"So you don't think you need therapy?" He shook his head no.

"So am I to assume you are doing this, not because you want to, or think you need to, but because Doctor Hale told you to?"

I knew I was going around in circles. I was digging, though. Starting with something less important to find a crack and jump in. The boy wouldn't speak otherwise, experience told me that.

"I'm doing this because I want to. I want to do what he asks. What he believes is important." Mmm, interesting answer.

"Why?"

"Because he is a psychiatrist too. He knows these things. If he says I need therapy, he must be right," he replied, still holding his gaze on me.

His answer sounded rehearsed, as if he had been repeating it to try and convince himself that was the right thing to do.

I noticed his face was softer after mentioning Dr. Hale, though.

"And Doctor Hale's opinion is important because …" It took him some time to finish my sentence. I understood that was a big step for him― It was private―He needed time to reflect and decide how much information he was willing to share.

He pursed his lips, looked at his fingernails, and when he was ready, he surprised me with a more thorough answer than I was expecting.

"Because he's my second chance at happiness, and I won't let this one go or take it for granted."

Yooooooohoooo!

There! Right there! The crack is open, now let's just jump in!

"So, what is he to you? Is he your boyfriend?"

"No … he is much more than that," he answered, narrowing his eyes at me.

I waited for a longer explanation in vain. I needed to change my approach again to make him speak.

"Why do you consider a person your second chance at happiness?" I questioned. I knew he would be disturbed by my question, but I was hoping that I could work through his animosity.

"Because there is no happiness living a life with no one to witness your accomplishments, no one to share your victories with or be there for you when you fall. If God intended for men to live alone, reproduction wouldn't need two for conception."

I was sorely tempted to laugh, but I didn't. A gay man talking about God and reproduction with no aversion or hard feelings―that was a first.

"So you don't believe people can be happy when successful in other areas in their lives, like being successful professionally for instance?"

I think I pissed him off. His brows furrowed, his forehead wrinkled and it looked like lasers would come out his eyes and shoot me dead. I liked it. It was exactly what I was going for.

He was seething, and there was something about his lips and teeth when he spoke that made me fear him, but it also drew me in.

"That was not what I said. I said no one can ever be happy alone. Are you married, Doctor?" He asked in a cynical tone.

I didn't want to talk about my private life, but I had no choice since I was sure all discussion would end if I didn't.

"No, not anymore." I could feel a drop of sweat forming on my forehead, despite all the cold air provided by the air conditioning system.

"Do you have any kids?" he asked, tilting his head, prodding for more information. His green eyes still burning in anger.

"I do, actually. Two daughters." I stated firmly.

"And you are happy?" he continued, his demeanor unchanged.

"I am. I am very happy." I was telling the truth.

"There you go. You have someone to testify about your life. Someone you share your accomplishments and defeats with. Someone who will love you no matter what, who will most likely be by your side when you die."

Interesting way to put it, I thought. Thinking about his statement, not expecting him to go any further, I was borderline shocked when he did. Still holding his arms crossed tightly, moving his foot a little, he looked down at it and then up at me and went on.

"I believe people who devote their lives doing charity―to helping others― are probably the happiest ones among us; they have a legion of people who are grateful for their help; their happiness is so contagious that they are always surrounded by the ones who follow them in their path of doing good. In my line of work, though, that never happens."

I was surprised about how much thought he had given to this. It was as if he was trying to explain in a rational way why people needed to be loved. He grew calmer and silent.

"What is it you do? What's your profession?" I asked. I took a mental note to thank Jacob for his recommendation. The work was just starting, and I was already fascinated.

"I'm a pianist. I play in the New York Philharmonic."

"Wow!" Damn. I couldn't hide my admiration. I tried pulling myself back together,

"What brought you to Seattle?" I may have poked the lion with a too short stick.

Edward huffed, uncrossed his arms pressing his hands against the couch on both his sides, shifting his body uncomfortably, looking around, and biting his bottom lip. He took his hand to his hair, pulling it painfully, and I found out I hit the jackpot.

For the first time, I waited for him to get ready. I think he was shaken enough. It took him a while, but he came through.

"I had a life partner. He came to Seattle for treatment. I came to help," he said looking really small, his voice almost fading. He looked exactly the opposite of the larger than life annoyed son-of-a-bitch from when I walked inside my office moments before.

"What was his name?" I edged, knowing I needed to be careful. I definitely preferred the angry version of Edward to this withdrawn one.

"James," he answered in a shaky, faint voice.

"You mentioned he _was_ your partner?" Trying to be as smooth as I could. I knew I was stepping on dangerous ground.

"He died … killed himself." His eyes were swimming in tears, looking away from me.

I was flabbergasted. I knew right then that was probably the area I needed to work on with him. I wondered how far I could go for now.

"And was that your first chance at happiness?" I asked, wishing he wouldn't be mad at me enough to stand up, walk to me and punch me in the face.

Thankfully, he didn't.

He nodded and confirmed his answer with a weak, "Yeah," tears rolling down his face.

"Did you love him?" I guessed yes/no questions were easier on him for now. He nodded.

"Did you feel loved by him?" He nodded again.

"Do you still love him?" He shook his head no. I couldn't stick to the yes/no questions anymore.

"Why not?"

Edward partly regained his confidence and looked right at me while answering,

"He cheated on me. He was sick because he cheated on me. That alone killed my feelings for him." He looked away again.

"But you still came to Seattle and took care of him." I observed.

"Yes, but only out of brotherly love. We had been close since we were kids. My family was his family, and he came to Seattle because I broke up with him, and he had no one in New York to take care of him."

Despite the pause, I could sense he was going to continue, so I waited.

"He came home to his biological family, and they gave him a credit card for the expenses, telling him to go seek treatment at a hospital and that everything would be paid for. However, since he had turned his back on his family earlier in his life, they told him that he should go on, on his own. He was desperate and came to my family for support. My father― who didn't even know we had broken up― took over his care together with my mother. They both loved him as a son anyway."

"How did that make you feel?"

Edward inhaled and exhaled slowly before answering; his face was unreadable, though.

"At first I was mad at them, but then I understood they didn't know what had happened. Even if they had known, they are great people and would never have turned their backs on him. Part of me was relieved, knowing he was taken care of; part of me felt guilty for not being there for him. I just couldn't forgive him, not at that point."

"And did you ever forgive him?" He nodded and went on.

"I came back. I helped my parents take care of him."

"Did that make you feel better?" Edward was pensive. He again had to stop and think of an answer. I waited.

"It did, and it didn't." Noticing my questioning face, he tried to be less cryptic. "I felt better for doing the right thing, but felt worse because I didn't love him the way he wanted me to and being near him made him suffer a great deal more."

"Did he ever ask for your forgiveness?" For the first time, I saw him laugh. It was a nervous laugh, possibly after remembering something, and not really because of my question.

"He didn't think he needed my forgiveness since in his mind he never cheated on me," he said sarcastically.

"How come?" I was confused.

"James said … He said it wasn't cheating because he never fucked another man." He scowled, shaking his head.

"You mean … James got sick after having unprotected sexual intercourse with women?" He nodded.

"He thought there was no danger fucking women, since the bottom is the one at most risk," he cleared up.

"Which was proved wrong since he got sick?" I completed. He nodded.

"He was only thinking of HIV, and even then, it was wrong for him to think that." His tone became more matter-of-fact.

"How long did it take for him to find out he was sick?" I asked curiously.

"It didn't take long. The syphilis symptoms manifested quickly, and he couldn't hide them for long. I didn't know what he was doing behind my back. We had a huge fight over something silly, and I didn't let him touch me anymore for a while; when I was finally ready to forgive him, I tried to kiss him, and he pulled back, telling me what was wrong. Arriving in Seattle after we had broken up, my dad ran all the STD tests and found out he had not only Syphilis, but also Chlamydia and was HIV positive."

I couldn't stop thinking about what went on in his father's mind, knowing that James was his son's life partner and had probably infected his son too. I couldn't ask, but I admit I was curious. He spoke again.

"My dad called me as soon as the results were up. I assured him we had been apart for some time and that I doubted I had been infected, but I admit I was worried."

"And how are you now, health wise?"

"I'm clean, " he reassured me.

"And do you really consider this relationship you had with James your first chance at happiness?" I tried going back to the main issue.

"I'm sure it was … but I was an asshole. I didn't give him credit for all he had been for me, done for me. I took him for granted. Now he is dead." I could hear the grief in his voice, but his face looked angry.

"Do you feel responsible for his death?"

"I used to. Jay made me see I'm not. James took his own life; it was his decision not to live anymore. I used to feel responsible for him getting sick, for looking for sex elsewhere, but I didn't look for sex outside our relationship, so he could have waited for me to come around. No … I don't feel responsible for his death." He was decided.

"Why do you seem so sad ... thinking, talking about him?"

"James was my partner. He knew me better than I know myself, maybe. I miss him." He sighed and looked around.

I always tried not to sympathize with my patients, tried not to feel sorry for them, or sad, or anything that could jeopardize my input. I noticed our talk made Edward uneasy again. I guessed the feelings it roused shook him and that he would sprint to the door the minute I said time was up.

"Do you want to talk about your new partner?" Apparently, I'd poked the lion again.

"Don't speak of him like that. He is not my new partner―Not _just_ my new partner."

"What is he to you then?" He sighed deeply before giving me an answer.

"He is the example of a man I want to follow. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me." I could see the love he felt for this man in his eyes. It was both endearing and disturbing.

"Care to talk about him a little?" He nodded. I bet he would feel better talking about the love of his life. I could tell what he felt for James was sorrow and what he felt for Jasper was adoration.

"Okay …" was his simple answer."My dad used to be a University Hospital doctor, so he taught many students and always had his favorites. Jasper was one of them. He had never mentioned him until the day Jay told him he was choosing psychiatry over surgery. My dad was really upset by that and made comments over dinner. He praised Jay a lot, and for the first time in my life, I was jealous. I was ashamed for being gay and hated myself for not being able to stand the smell of blood, making it impossible for me to follow in my dad's footsteps. In my momentary twisted mind, I thought he would like it better for Jay to be his son instead of me." He paused for a while, and then moved on.

"Jasper invited my dad to his graduation ceremony, and I asked my dad if I could go along since I was home from school and my mom was busy working for a benefit. James tagged along, and I thanked him for it, not wanting to face my competitor on my own."

"I regretted having taken James the moment I saw Jasper for the first time. He was perfect. My dad was right, and by the hunger in his eyes looking at me when my dad introduced us, I noticed he could only be gay."

"So you had a prior knowledge of Doctor Hale when you decided to be treated by him?"

"I did. I'll admit that all I wanted was to be able to see him and be close to him when I went to sessions. He was a hell of a lot more patient than you are. He sat down with me for over a month, twice a week, and waited for me to break the silence. It felt so good, having him respect my rhythm, my impossibility to speak. When I finally manned up, I decided to get tested. When I found out I was clean, I felt comfortable enough to start talking to him."

Time was up and we had to wrap it up for the session. It was odd how rationally he could be while talking about his own life, as if he could detach himself from it, from the events and feelings it brought him.

I was definitely intrigued.

**JPOV**

At my apartment, Edward let himself in with his key, and then passed by me in the media room, heading towards the bathroom.

"How was it with the new doc?" I shouted over my shoulder, turning my head back to see him kicking his shoes off while walking.

"Terrible. The guy's an asshole," was his answer from the bathroom.

I heard him pee and, then wash his hands.

Edward had a habit of washing his hands when he arrived home, and depending on where he had been, he sometimes even showered.

Once the water had stopped running, I continued the conversation.

"He made you talk, didn't he?" I smirked as I watched him walk past me, positioning himself behind me on the couch. He put one leg up and around me, angling his hip to rest by mine, pulled me to his chest once he got comfortable, and encouraged my head to rest on his left shoulder.

"It's a waste of time, Jay. I could have been with you instead of telling that son-of-a- bitch so much about myself." Pulling my hair back, he placed soft kisses on my neck once his observation was over.

"Ed, you know that's not true. You've been through a lot. You need to talk to someone."

His lips parted from my skin to say, "I could be talking to you." Then his lips were back on my cloth-clad shoulder.

"Of course you can talk to me, but I'm not your shrink anymore. You need someone to listen to you with impartiality so you can be more open. Someone you don't need to be afraid of telling anything."

His lips were soon off me to say, "I was never afraid, nor will I ever be afraid of telling you anything. You are the person I trust the most in my life … But I will see him once a week because I trust you and you said I need to,"he finished, kissing my temple this time.

Edward and I had been together for three months when Jake recommended a therapist who could be helpful. Doctor Seth Clearwater was highly recommended by Jacob and some other friends of mine. His style was different. He was a bit more aggressive and his approach more assertive.

It took me some time to convince Edward to look him up though. Edward believed he didn't need to talk about his past or things that couldn't be changed or fixed.

I'd never expected our life together to be ordinary.

Things were never slow between us. I think I was alone for too long, and once I had a taste of Edward, I got addicted.

After our first time together, I took him out on a proper date one Friday night. We had dinner, went to the movies, ended up in a club, but didn't really stay there long; we found out it was not our kind of place. By the end of the night, I left him at his parents' house with a goodbye kiss on his lips before driving home by myself.

On Saturday … well, I'll just say he ended up in my apartment for the rest of the weekend. The same happened the next few weekends until he invited me to watch him rehearse with the Seattle Symphonic Orchestra one Thursday.

I was mesmerized by his image on stage. It made me even crazier in love with him. Needless to say he came home with me that night and for many nights after that, weekends or not.

In three months, Edward had molded his life to mine, and I got used to having him with me whenever possible. Days like today when I arrived home and he wasn't there made me anxious, only calmed myself down when I heard the noise of his keys in the lock.

The weekend after we got together was a good example of what our relationship would turn out to be.

His hands were always on me. Any quiet moment would lead to sensual caressing and gentle lovemaking. The simple act of watching TV was reason enough for him to jerk me off and make me come.

Today things were no different.

I was already wearing my sleep pants because we had decided to stay home and chat about his session if he felt like it.

He didn't really feel like telling me anything in detail that night. I didn't mind. As long as he was with me, smiling, being loving and gentle, being there so I could show him my love too, it was fine by me. Now he would have Doctor Clearwater's support; I didn't have to worry about his mental state anymore―at least not as a doctor―only as his partner.

We had never discussed what kind of relationship we had, if we were boyfriends, partners … I know his feelings for me were as strong as mine were for him.

Closing my eyes, concentrating only on his lips on my skin and his hands roaming over my body, I felt his fingers slipping under my T-shirt up my abs to my chest while he gently sucked on my neck, lapping his tongue where his teeth had also grazed, soothing the sting of the soft love bites.

Opening my eyes and looking down, I could see my white T-shirt lifted up as far as my arm pits would allow, Edward was pulling my body against his, rolling his hips to have some friction to sooth his hard, aching cock against my back.

Oh, God! The things he could do to me with his cock.

"Are you gonna fuck me, Ed?" I whispered, hoping it would fire his desire, and he would just bend me over the couch and take me.

"No … not tonight," he said, one of his hands sliding under my sleep pants to find my aching, needy member ready and alert for him.

Feeling him wrapping his long fingers around my length, I whimpered, not giving his answer the proper attention until the meaning of the words put together made me protest.

"How come?" I moaned. "I need to feel you …" My tone was a petulant complaint.

Sliding his other hand down my striped sleep pants to cup my balls, he observed, "Jay … You must be so sore. I fucked you twice last night, once this morning … Let's give your pretty little hole a break tonight." And he tugged on my cock, pulling an "Aaahhhhhhhhhhhh" out of me.

"I felt your cum … I felt it sliding out of me all morning … could hardly concentrate," I confessed, writhing under his warm touch. I heard his chuckle behind me. He was such a bastard sometimes― and I simply loved it.

"I guess we'll need to get a tampon up your pretty little bubble butt or something to make it stay inside you and not let you lose focus on what you need to do … otherwise, our morning lovemaking will have to be restricted to the weekends."

"Nooo …" I moaned loudly.

All I wanted was to have him moving inside me. Attached to me like that.

Whenever we fucked in bed, he would leave his cock inside me until it was soft enough so it would slip out on its own. I loved the feeling of falling asleep with him still inside me. I needed to convince him to just forget about my used ass and fuck me.

"Ed … please take me. I can feel you're hard against my back; I know you want it," I panted.

"No," he murmured softly in my ear, his fingers tightening up and letting go a little of my cock, slowly, painfully.

"But … but …" My thoughts were incoherent by then, feeling his body against my back, his hands making me feel so good I could barely articulate a complete sentence.

"No buts, Jay … I can make you feel good just like this." And his lips were back on my shoulder and neck, and I felt his hands working on my cock and balls, pulling and pushing the skin of my uncut dick over the head and back, rolling my shaved balls in between his fingers.

He loved it that I was uncut. I woke up to him docking his cock into my foreskin in the morning many times, my cock still soft, his ―hard as a rock―being caressed by his hand over my skin.

"I need to feel you inside me, Ed … please." I almost cried my pleas while I rubbed my body against his swollen cock.

Edward let go of me completely, and I felt the loss of his touch on my dick immediately, his hands pulling my pants down making me wonder if I had won the battle.

Helping him take my pants off, I pulled my knees to me so he could slide them down and off me. I kicked them away but felt his hands hooking under my thighs to the back of my knees, opening my legs wide over his open ones too, making me slide up to sit on his lap, giving his hands access to my puckered hole. My feet hooked behind his calves; I was wide open and waiting for him to go on with his assault.

"Let's see how this pretty, tight opening is tonight, then," he commented, sliding his fingers over my anus. I whimpered, and he chuckled.

"I knew you were sore, Jay―" I didn't let him finish.

"Fuck that … I need you inside me." I whispered, turning my head to reach his ear, my hips moving against his hand caressing my needy hole.

His hands disappeared from my ass.

I felt frustrated until I heard the familiar pop of the lube cap. YES! He was going to prep me and fuck me. It was my turn to chuckle.

His hands were soon back on my cock and ass, and I felt the cool lube being rubbed against both. He drove me crazy when he stroked my cock with a lubed hand.

"You want me inside you … this is as far as I'll go, though." His voice was husky and sweet.

I felt his middle finger slowly entering me, so fucking slowly I couldn't keep quiet and whimpered, "More … give me more, " I moaned, rolling my hips against his finger.

"No … one finger only." His digit was all inside me, curled up, caressing my prostate.

"Ahhhhhhh … FUCK!" I cried.

I felt his grip on my cock tighten, and his movement speeding up as his finger started pumping inside me and out, caressing my hot spot every time it was all the way in.

"Fuck, Edward … more … one more, please!" I begged, and I felt his index finger slide in as fast as the middle one, curling inside me with the same speed his right hand was tugging on my cock.

"Shit! I'm gonna come!" I shouted, my jaw dropping, my mouth taking the shape of an O.

"Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh" I was loud; it felt too good. I felt my cock shooting ropes of cum up my torso. Edward never stopped moving up and down my cock, his fingers pumping inside my ass as if pushing the cum out of me. My body jerked under his caresses.

Slowing his movements once my cock was spent, Ed hooked his hands under my arm pits and pulled me to the side, sliding me to the couch, kneeling between my legs, and crouched over me to lick my cum from my abs and chest.

"Love how you taste." he said between licks, his hands now holding my own up above my head while he licked me clean.

"What are we gonna do with you now, Mister?" I asked teasing him, wrapping my legs around his body.

Making sure not to leave a drop behind, Edward slid up to me attacking my lips, sharing my seed with me; his tongue invading my mouth forcefully. I held him tightly against me.

I wanted to say I loved him. I was not sure he was prepared to hear it, though, so I held it back. I could feel he felt the same way, but I needed to make sure I did it right, at the right time and place.

Spinning in my arms, and placing himself in front of me lying on his side, he made me do the same; Edward grasped my right hand and pulled it down to the waistband of his jeans. I slid my left arm under his head, and he leaned on it, snuggling it as he would do with his pillow.

"Hey … don't fall asleep on me," I instructed. He chuckled. "Pull your pants down, Ed," I went on. In the position I was in, I just couldn't do it myself.

He pulled both his jeans and briefs off. God, I loved those tiny briefs he wore. I loved that they were so small it left nothing to the imagination, and I loved how they hugged his cock so tight his swollen head peaked out, but he took them off along with his pants, and I lost the chance to admire them this time.

I didn't mind though. His eight-inch cock was glorious. I couldn't wait to have it in my hand, in my mouth, up my ass. Whenever he thrust his cock up inside me, it left me almost breathless. I just needed to drive him crazy enough to quit the stupid idea of not fucking me tonight.

I could deal with the soreness afterwards.

Turning his head back to look at me, his lips searched for mine, and I was struck again by his physical beauty. It never ceased to surprise me.

His inner beauty was what drew me in, though. Edward loved his parents, his friends, even James's family. James had a sister who was still pretty close to Ed. She turned her back on James at the beginning of his illness when she found out it was all because he had been unfaithful to Ed but came around when Ed did. Jane was a great girl and was always around us. She'd kind of adopted me as a brother as she had done with Edward long ago.

Feeling his hard cock pulsating in my hand, his ass pressing against my cock, his moans filling my own mouth; I heard him ask against my lips, "Put your cock between my cheeks, Jay." I was surprised with his request. My cock had never been so close to his hole. I did as he asked, though, my rod thickening by the second at the touch of his skin.

"I won't last long," I heard him whisper.

Edward's hips rolled against mine, his cock fucking my hand while his ass and thighs jerked my cock . I had no choice but to make him cum just like that. It felt so fucking good!

His moans and groans halted as his head jerked back into my shoulder, his hips thrust forward and his first stream of come sprung from inside him.

Soon, I heard him shout, "Fuck!" and he kept fucking my hand as I simultaneously jerked him off. My own cock burst between his butt cheeks to the feeling of him clenching and unclenching his muscles around my cock, my cum mixing up with his on the couch. Edward reached for my cock between his legs and caressed both cocks, coating his hand with our joined cum.

Turning around to look at me, he brought his hand to our joined lips saying, "Check how good we taste together, Jay."He had a smirk on his face as he stuck his tongue out to lick his hand.

Mirroring his actions, the sticky mess was cleaned, and our lips attached to each other's until the taste left our tongues and calm settled in.

Coming down from our high, still panting and breathing heavily, he surprised me once more.

"Jay …" he called me sounding a little embarrassed.

"Hm?"I let him know I was listening,

"Would you … If one day I decide I want to bottom for you, would you fuck me?"

I was floored. I never intended to top in my life. My first times were horrible.

I was thirteen years old when I first noticed I wasn't attracted to women. I knew they were not my thing, but thought they were not my thing ... yet. I jerked off regularly only paying attention to the feeling, never really thinking of any anything.

Living with my parents in Seattle, far away from both my parents' families, we used to gather at my mother's grandparent's farm for a few weeks in the summer. All my cousins were girls apart from Emmett, who was adopted by an aunt. He was her husband's nephew who'd survived an accident that took his parents' lives.

Emmett was a bulky fifteen-year-old, high school football player. We were never really friends, and I only met him a couple of times before that summer because his family couldn't make it every year.

We slept in the same room, being the only two boys in the family. That summer, his parents had to return home for a few days, leaving Em behind with us. One night he had the excellent idea of sneaking into his parents'―now empty―room so we could fall asleep watching TV.

Once in their room, Em picked up a video and popped it in the ancient VCR player, and I was in shock with its content as soon as he hit play.

It was a porn movie.

He hopped into bed and started watching. I watched it with him 'til I fell asleep, completely uninterested in the men and women fucking. She was too noisy and loud and not even his cock turned me on really.

I woke up with Emmett caressing my thigh, really close to my balls, his face looking intensely at mine, trailing his eyes to my crotch now and then.

I felt my cock spring to life, feeling someone else's touch on my skin for the very first time. His lips spread into a knowing smirk, and my breath caught in my throat. I was stricken with fear, thinking he would probably flip his shit once he found out how my body reacted to his touch.

I was in awe when his fingers found their way inside my underwear to my cock, wrapping around it, jerking me off slowly, sensually, and making me come.

He was never mad at me.

We got closer and closer, and soon, he was coming to our place during holidays, since he lived in Forks, a small town close to Seattle.

I would touch him as he touched me, but when I was fifteen and he was seventeen, he met a girl, Rosalie.

He arrived at my place for Thanksgiving with his parents, and once alone with me, he told me all about how great it felt being with her, fucking her. I was jealous, but never intended to show him that.

He told me how she only let him fuck her ass since her mother took her to the doctor every now and then. Rose always overheard her mother asking the lady doctor if Rose was still a virgin. Wishing not to disappoint her mother, she would please Emmett the only way she could without leaving any trace of her mischief.

The first night after he told me about his relationship with his girlfriend, I felt him squeezing himself into my bed with me. I had my back to him, and I was still hurt by the knowledge that what Emmett felt for me was replaced by what he felt for her.

Stroking my skin, Em tried soothing my pain, knowing what I tried so hard to conceal. I felt his lips on my shoulder, his hands sliding down my body as he whispered in my ear, "Wanna feel what's it like to be loved by me?" I didn't really think before answering with a nod.

That night, I lost my virginity to my cousin.

It hurt like hell.

I was not ready for that. I had never had anything up my ass before and never had the curiosity to stick anything up there. I did it to prove to him I could feel as good as she did. I wanted him back with me... with only me.

That never happened.

After many times around, I started to learn how to relax and enjoy myself being fucked. Until I started to really love it.

I never understood how people could feel good fucking total strangers. I needed the connection to feel good. And when I had no boyfriend or Emmett to be with me, I went into self-loving mode.

Throughout college, living in Seattle, Emmett continued seeing both of us. He confessed to me that once she let him fuck her pussy, she never let him fuck her ass anymore and that he missed it. I was proud of myself for being the only one to give him that kind of pleasure.

But Em was not ready to come out, and he forbade me to do so either. He said people would know about him if they found out about me.

We kept on sleeping together until he graduated and was hired by the Jets, moving to New York, marrying Rosalie a few months later. I was so mad at him for marrying her, always thinking he would eventually come back to me, that I not only came out of the closet, but took my boyfriend to his wedding with me.

It was nothing serious. I confess I started dating the boy to hurt Emmett on his wedding day as much as I was feeling hurt by it too.

It worked.

Emmett was so mad to see me with this boy all over me that I doubted there was a single picture of Emmett smiling in his wedding photos.

We never got together again.

His career was cut short due to an injury, and now he was in part of the team as a physical therapist, his major in college.

I'd never tried topping, afraid of the kind of pain I would inflict, with my cock being so thick; especially if I loved the man I was with. So Edward's request made me dread the day he would actually ask me for it. I would have to say no to him for the very first time.

"What's up, Jay?" he asked, turning his head to look at me. I would be honest with him now. It would help me in the future I suppose.

"Ed, I've never topped, and I've never wanted to. I love having you in me, having you jerking my cock while massaging my gland with your cock deep inside me."

"Is that all? Is that why you don't wanna top?" He looked into my eyes, holding my gaze and forcing the whole truth out of me.

"Ed, the first times hurt so fucking much. I have no experience."

Edward turned back, looking straight away, not facing me anymore and didn't reply, but I could tell his mind was reeling.

After a few minutes, he stood up and offered me his hand to help me up and led me to my bedroom.

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><p>AN - Thanks for reading it! This one was much lighter and loving, wasn't it? Told ya! Now, tell me what you thought of it and that you don't hate Dr. Cleawater, please! Hit the blue button and leave me some love! :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Author:** DPD

**Rating:** M for language and guy-on-guy action.

**Pairings:** Edward/Jasper

**Disclaimer:** SM owns it all, but my pervy mind and thoughts.

**Summary: **This is a sad, dark, yet beautiful slash story about Edward, who came to my offices to discuss his past. His partner, James had killed himself. My heart grieved for his loss, until his dark secret was revealed to me. Contains hardcore kink, fetishes, scat play and golden showers. **WARNING**: not for the faint hearted.

**A/N:** This is a slash story. If you are not into man on man sex, walk away. If you are under 18, walk away. There are kinky disturbing images including **paraphilia** like **coprophilia **and **urolagnia**. If you have a weak stomach, walk away. There are plenty of other stories for you to read.

I want to thank my three musketeers Athos, Porthos and Aramis and my wizard Merlin for working so hard with me and standing by me all the way. You guys have no idea how great you are!

Thank you all for the wonderful reviews and I apologize for not replying this time! They are really, really important to me and I just love knowing what you guys think! You guys have no idea what a crazy life I live and how much I have been writing so I don't keep you waiting for too long for a new chapter. As I already said in a few replies, I'm not used to the whole drill yet! Here's chapter 5. Chapter 6 is already being betaed and chapter 7 is being pre-read! I hope you enjoy this one!

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><p><strong>Nasty<strong>

**Chap 5**

Completely sated, and two orgasms after the fuck of a lifetime, Edward was cuddling into my back, his warmth blanketing me, having me nearly dozing off, I heard him sigh before quietly telling me, "Jay, I don't want to go back to Doctor Clearwater's. I don't understand why I need to see him. I feel a lot better talking to you than to him."

Turning around to face him, I pleaded for him to listen, "Ed, Doctor Clearwater was recommended by Jake. I'm sure he is an excellent therapist, and once you stop fighting it, you'll see that."

Annoyed, acting all stubborn, like he had been ever since I suggested he see a new doctor, Edward sulkily enquired, "What makes him so special? How come you trust your friend's input on the matter more than mine?"

I didn't know how many times we had spoken about this. I knew he was trying to win the battle by his persistence, but apparently he'd forgotten whom he was dealing with.

I knew why he was acting like this though―the doctor was making progress, and that usually made a reluctant patient annoyed, because it made him think and relive what he had been through and eventually work through it.

It had been a few months since Edward had started seeing Doctor Clearwater. He was showing a lot more confidence, and the sadness in his eyes was disappearing. But I also noticed Ed was more and more dependant on our relationship, and I couldn't help but wonder if that was my fault.

In a different situation, I would never have recommended a patient be treated against his will, but I knew we started our relationship way too soon after James had passed away, and that Ed, who used to be self-confident, proactive, even a little high-maintenance, as his parents described him to me, was still far from being who he was truly meant to be.

"Edward, please try to understand. Having me as your therapist was a mistake, knowing the attraction you felt for me, and vice-versa. You need someone who can have a clear view of your issues, not someone who is as connected to you as I am. I could never be impartial in my thoughts because any change might need to make in your life would mean a change in mine too. Also, I bet there are things you don't tell me so you don't hurt me, right?"

He tensed up and anxiously replied, "I tell you everything. I'm never shy with you. I don't feel like I need to hide anything from you. You are my life now, you own my heart," before pulling me into his arms, burying his face in the crook of my neck, and breathing me in.

I knew that was true―Edward was brave enough to tell me things I didn't really know I would ever have the guts to tell anyone had they happened to me, but I knew he was hiding something and that all the sex we had been having lately was not only his way to show me he loved me, but his way to avoid thinking about it.

"There is something you are not telling me, though." I felt his body stiffen. "What do you mean?" he asked, still holding me close, hiding his face from my eyes.

Stroking his hair softly, comforting him, aware of the fact that he may not be ready to share with me whatever it was that was bothering him, I continued, "I am positive you need to be in therapy so you can discuss things like this with your doctor. You have been through traumatic experiences on so many different levels that they changed you. You need to learn how to live with yourself after those changes, how to work things in your head now that you are different and have more issues to deal with."

Resting my cheek on the top of his head, I continued, "You don't need to tell me what's going on now. You have a therapist; you can discuss it with him and tell me if or when you feel comfortable with it… when _you_ feel we can work things through together or if you have come to a solution."

"It's not fair me having Jake to help, and you having no one," I continued.

I was trying to cover every possible angle to the situation, attempting to make my point, absolutely sure I was doing the right thing when I asked him to go see Doctor Clearwater. At first, I wanted him to go twice a week, and we ended up meeting in the middle. He accepted a once a week meeting with the Doc, but his opposition to it was voiced every day he had an appointment.

"How do you know I have something bothering me now?" he asked, his face still buried in my neck.

I pulled him away, needing to look at him while explaining.

"It's been a while since I started noticing that you're a bit quieter than usual. When we were with your parents on Sunday, you were acting hot and cold. After being talkative and happy, you would go silent, furrowing your eyebrows, dropping your head forward and sighing."

Chuckling, Ed placed a kiss on my nose before asking, "Will you ever stop analyzing my every movement?"

I shook my head no while replying, "Sorry … that's what I'm trained for."

My lips searched for his, and I kissed him softly as I usually did with my mouth open. My tongue stuck out to lick his smirking lips. Soon his own tongue searched for mine, and his hand was behind my neck pulling me closer.

Our bodies pressed together, moving rhythmically, naked cocks rubbing, and it hit me―he was doing it again.

I slowed down my movements and didn't have to tell Edward do to the same. He knew what that was about; he was suddenly shy over his actions.

Looking down at our cocks, his head was aligned with mine, his hand pulling my foreskin over his head. God, that felt amazing. I gasped, and he halted.

"I can tell you why I'm worried," he said nonchalantly, moving his hand again over both our cocks, now hugged by my foreskin. I mouthed "fuck" at the feeling; he went on.

"I have been called back to New York. The Philharmonic needs me."

All the great sensations of his cock docked into me were gone. My heart sank. I pulled him to me tightly, as if I could stop him from going back by holding him in my arms.

I wasn't ready to let him go; I just couldn't. Pulling away, Edward held my face between his hands saying, "I don't want to go back, Jay. I want to stay here with you."

There was a 'but'. There was always a 'but'.

I looked into his eyes and asked, "But you have to?"

"I have to … to resign." He was clearly upset by it. He held me tight again, burying his face in my neck and sighing. I could feel how much this decision was weighing on him. I wished he would go so as to be happy fulfilling his dream, getting on with the life he had worked so hard to have, but at the same time, I didn't want him to go.

Edward had been practicing in the Seattle Symphony Orchestra. He was also performing with them as a guest musician.

I had gone to so many rehearsals to watch him play. He was glorious sitting at the piano, his fingers sliding up and down the ebony and ivory keys, his body swaying, lost in the music.

Arriving to pick him up one day, I'd found him practicing by himself. The other instrumentalists had left and the maestro was saying goodbye. The piano was on the stage as usual, and when I was walking down to him, I noticed he hadn't seen me coming and was back playing one of his own compositions. I immediately recognized the piece because he hummed it in my ear whenever I was having a hard time falling asleep.

Approaching him from behind, I knew he heard my footsteps on the stage floor; turning his face a little, trying to see me, his lips curled into a smirk. He pushed his bench back and slid forward, making room for me to sit behind him.

I sat almost merging my body to his, my inner-thighs pressing against his thighs, my chest pressing against his back, my face leaning on his shoulder.

Edward moved one of his hands from the piano to guide one of mine to his crotch. I caressed him through the thin fabric of his pants―highly inappropriate, I know, but Ed kept playing his piece. It soon converged into something really sweet and loving, like a lullaby.

As soon as the song was over, he quit playing and pulled both my hands around his waist, making me hold him tight, and sighed, "This is for you … next time you have insomnia, it's what I'll sing to you."

Inhaling deeply, I took his scent in, thinking how I could be so lucky to have him.

I'd lost count of how many times I watched him play, waiting to take him home with me. It was all so perfect, so right.

Life shouldn't be like this, showing you what you could have for a while and taking it away.

Maybe things didn't have to be this way.

Playing in the New York Philharmonic had always been his dream. He was willing to give it up to be with me—that was not fair.

**XxxxxxxX**

**Jacob's POV**

"So … Life is not pink, sweet candy anymore, huh?" I observed after taking in Jasper's tired image. "What's on your mind, Jazz?"

"Life's unfair," He stood up and walked nervously around the room. "Edward has to go back to New York," he informed me, his words seeming caught in his throat, stumbling out of his mouth.

"Oh, yeah … he plays at the Symphonic―"

"Philharmonic … Philharmonic Orchestra. Yeah," he corrected me returning to his seat. "They called asking him if he was ready to go back," Jasper said scratching his head.

"So now you guys will have to deal with a long distance relationship." I said, offering him the cookies Leah had just placed on the coffee table.

For the first time, he refused them.

"Edward is a wreck. He won't discuss anything with me. He won't talk to his parents … He's trying to act as if everything is natural and nothing is wrong. I don't push, despite my snoopy tendencies … I just can't stand seeing him that way, you know?" He sat sitting forward, elbows on his knees, both his hands supporting his head as he looked at the floor in a desperate posture.

"Esme told me he is not eating when he is at home; that he pushes the food back and forth on his plate until everyone else is done. He eats when he is with me though. Thank fuck he has been spending almost every night with me and is having dinner at least." Jasper sighed, biting his bottom lip. I could see the concern on his face.

I enquired, "So … he told you he had to go back and you haven't talked about it anymore? Like … what it would be like if you had to live a whole country apart? How you two would work things out?"

Jasper shook his head no.

"Why not?"

"It's probably my faul, I can't bring myself to start a conversation about it; it hurts so fucking much. I know I'm being weak, selfish … I should be helping him."

"Has he asked for your help?"

Shaking his head no, he sighed. "But I needed to offer my help … I should be able to look at this in a more objective way."

"Jasper, he is not your patient anymore. You two are supposed to be equals. You can't expect yourself to solve every problem, overcome every obstacle alone, protecting him, acting like Edward is some sort of handicapped person! Those things happen to both of you, you have to talk to each other, think things through together, you know? Avoiding the problem because you can't solve it on your own is not gonna make it go away."

"Edward wants to quit the Philharmonic to stay with me." His voice was very weak, mirroring his demeanor.

Wow. The boy must really be in love. I understood playing there had always been his dream, but he was thinking of giving it up to stay in Seattle. I know all I said before was right, but right now, a small part of me wished I hadn't. Edward was making a decision, but I really thought it was the wrong one. I believe a decision that big cannot be made lightly. Edward would probably resent Jasper for letting him do it. He would probably blame his decision on Jasper some day when times got hard. At the same time, how would Jasper intervene and not get hurt by him leaving?

"And will you let him do that?" I knew my question was inappropriate; I couldn't influence him on his decision. I just thought that maybe he had the same line of thought I did.

"I'm torn. I love him like I never thought possible! I know how much he would be giving up … It shouldn't be a one-sided decision, I know, but I just can't make myself tell him not to do it! And that is killing me! I'm not ready to let him go. At the same time, I don't want him to give up his dream for me." Pausing for a few moments, he completed, "I know how hard that will be for him … If things get tough, he will blame me for losing him that chance, and it'll ruin everything."

I was right―he'd had the same line of thought I did―sort of.

"That's beside the point. Think of how the two of you can solve it together."

"There's no way this can be solved by the two of us. Neither of us is fond of the idea of being apart. We can only be together if one of us gives up something … He would have to give up his dream, or I would have to give up my entire practice and start all over again in New York …"

"And how does that idea sound to you?"

**XxxxxxxX**

**Seth's POV**

"How long have you known you have to go back?" I asked him. I knew something had been up for a while but thought it wasn't too serious, or that he wasn't ready to talk. Now he looked worse, his hair completely disheveled more than usual, his clothes not matching, purple rings under his eyes, his teeth as yellow as the tips of his middle and forefinger on his right hand. I believe this was from smoking, which I knew he had quit a long time ago.

"A while … three weeks," he said looking down, as if ashamed of keeping it a secret for so long.

"Three weeks? Then why does it look like you just found that out. I mean … you didn't look this beat the other three times you were here."

"It's 'cause … Well, I finally told Jay and … and it feels like it's real now," he said, sighing.

"So, what are your plans now? Are you going back?" he replied almost immediately.

"No," he spat in an outraged tone, as if it was obvious, like I would be stupid not to know that.

"Are you quitting your position then?" Edward swallowed dryly. He was not comfortable with his decision. Verbalizing it seemed to be a struggle for him. He ended up nodding.

"Why?" I asked, tilting my head and twisting my face.

"I don't want to be away from him. I can play the piano anywhere," he said, frustration swimming in his eyes.

"But you don't want to play the piano anywhere, do you? You want to play the piano in New York, with the―"

"I know … I know I do. But …" he grumbled and stood up, taking his hand to his hair, punishing it as he walked about the room.

"But what?" I enquired.

"But when we started this thing we have, we started it here. I never told him I would have to go back. I was sure they didn't remember I existed since it's been so long. They knew why I came back; they understood why I had to stay. But now they really need me … I was thinking I could go and help them find someone to replace me, then I would sell my apartment and come back here."

"Can you find a job here? I mean … You are playing for the Orchestra here, aren't you?"

"I am … but they cannot hire me. To hire me, they would have to fire someone else, and I could never allow such a thing to happen. I'm playing as a guest here at the moment. I would have to remain a guest forever I suppose," he said, walking back to his couch and sitting back down.

"Then you wouldn't be able to support yourself, right?" I concluded.

"I don't really need to," he said matter-of-factly.

"Why? You don't mind Jasper supporting you? Have you two discussed this?" I was surprised. Edward didn't seem to be someone who would live off someone else.

"Hell no!" He was affronted. "I just don't need to earn a living like everybody else, that's all. " Sighing, he breathed in and out slowly and explained, "When I was way younger, I had an uncle; he was my mother's younger brother and my favorite uncle. He loved me like a son … He lived in New York; it was in his place that I learned to love to play the piano."

"Uncle Aro was never married and had no kids. I was always his favorite nephew, and I thought that was because my mom was his favorite sister." I don't think I had ever seen his face so relaxed, so serene.

"I'd spend time with him during the summer; he would take me to watch the concerts, the opera … When I was old enough, he took me to watch Broadway musicals. He knew everyone on Broadway; producers, actors. We'd go backstage and talk to them—it was awesome. We had picnics at the park, went to the mall. His place looked like a museum with all the antique furniture brought from Europe."

"I was four when I had my first piano lesson at his apartment in New York. Mom and I were there for her tests. She was trying to get pregnant again, and the doctors were trying to find out why she couldn't. Uncle Aro hired a private tutor so I could study on his grand piano, which I was always fascinated by. We spent months there."

"When we came back to Seattle, there was an upright piano waiting for me in my room and a teacher already hired to keep on working with me."

Edward stood up again, walked to the window, opened it and breathed the fresh air from outside.

Leaving the window open and walking back, he continued, "Uncle Aro always knew I would make it to Julliard. His plans were for me to go to New York and live with him. Watching the New York Philharmonic, he used to say I would be playing there someday. I always believed him. His dream became my dream, and it broke my heart into a million pieces when we lost him to cancer. All I could think of was that he had invested so much in me, and he would never see me play at Julliard. I would never live with him as we had planned, and if some day I made it to The Orchestra, he would never hear me play." Tears slid down his face, but he was still calm, serene.

"Did you ever tell him you were gay?" I asked him. I kind of sensed his uncle was gay, too.

"Yeah … he was the first one to know. When I was ready and at peace with it, I went to his grave and told him. I was worried he would be disappointed in me, but after I told my mom where I had been and what for, revealing my secret to her too, she held me tight and told me he knew. He used to tell her he thought I was gay, that he knew it by the way I looked at and acted around James. That was why he wanted me in New York. He wanted to have me under his wing, to protect me." Edward said, looking at his hands absentmindedly.

"Was he gay too?"

"Yeah … he was. I never knew it 'til Mom told me. He was very discreet and never had a life partner or told the whole family. People knew, but pretended they didn't. "

"When he died, he didn't want to leave anything for my cousins … said they didn't deserve any of it. I don't know what they did to not deserve it, and my mom always refused to tell me anything about it. When he found out he had cancer, he sold all he had, apart from his apartment in New York, and started a trust fund for me. I never touched his money. Never had to. But I have it, so money's not an issue."

"Your dreams are an issue though, right?" I enquired. He nodded.

"Have you ever thought of asking Dr. Hale to move to New York with you?" I asked. I don't know where that question came from. How the heck did I do that? Giving him hope on something so hypothetical and improbable! Dr. Hale was the youngest doctor to reach the levels of success with patients I had ever seen! I remember when Jacob told me he had fallen for a patient. I refused to believe him. The man had a sixth sense or something that made him almost infallible. I shook my head at my own stupidity.

"No …" was his rushed answer, " I won't do that again."

"Do what again?" I was confused and maybe relieved he was so resolute to not taking my suggestion.

"I won't make him follow me like I did with James, leaving his family behind. Jasper's career is far more solid than mine. I would never ask that of him." Edward's shoulders were slumped forward, his head down and moving from side to side as if trying to shake his thoughts away. He looked defeated; defeated by life; defeated by geography. He had the love of his life on one side of the country and his life's dream on the other. He would end up having to quit one of them, and I was wondering how much his choice to stay had to do with his feelings for Dr. Hale and how much they had to do with his past.

"Edward, you can't keep trying to right the wrong you think you made. You don't have to try and make things the way you think they were supposed to have been with James. Jasper is someone else. He is a grown up. From what you told me, he had a loving upbringing just as you did. Let him make his own decisions, but let him know what you want and need from him too. How will he ever know that you don't wanna quit and that you hoped he would move to New York with you?" Why do I keep saying that?

"I don't want that. Or at least I had never thought of that, 'til you brought it up," he spoke; his voice loud, his anger flushing his face, his teeth showing, looking like he was about to attack me and suck my blood dry. But I was stupid enough to go on in the same line of thought. What was happening to me?

"Really? It never came to your mind that maybe he could go live with you there?"

Edward huffed, frustrated. He paused for a while, scratched his head, shook his head from side to side and admitted, "In a perfect world … maybe … I would want that; I would expect that, and things would be phenomenal. Just the way they are now."

"And why can't the world be perfect?"

**XxxxxxxX**

**JPOV**

I arrived home to find a sleeping Edward rolled into a ball almost falling off my bed. It surprised me that he didn't wait for me to go to bed, especially while in my place. He sometimes still went to his parents for the night.

He was wearing his pajamas, too. We never wore clothes for bed. We wore them to lounge after the evening shower, but we always slept skin on skin.

I approached him and pulled him to the center of the bed. He didn't wake up. Not even a little bit. He was sleeping like a rock.

My heart clenched.

We all knew life was not perfect, and that bad things happened to good people, and that we conquered happiness not when there was lack of problems in life, but when we had the ability to overcome the obstacles.

Maybe this time the obstacle were too great.

I went to the bathroom, took my shower, got my PJ's on, mirroring his demeanor, and went to bed.

Falling asleep that night was Hell. My mind couldn't be turned off. I wanted to wake him up, ask what was happening; kiss him, hug him, feel his skin on mine. After struggling for a couple of hours, I finally dozed off, just to wake up to the feeling of an empty bed.

I jumped out of bed and felt my head spin. I guess I shouldn't have stood so fast.

I went to the kitchen through the private passage, then to the dining room, then the living room, opened the double doors to the balcony and looked down to see his car parked in the guest parking space.

He was home. I walked inside and went to the office, then to the guest bedroom … Nothing.

Walking down the hall, I saw the bathroom lights on. I felt a pang in my heart; was he sick? If he was, why hadn't he called me like he usually did?

I approached the door and knocked softly.

"Edward … Are you there?" I heard him answer, "Hmm, hmm." I curled my fingers around the door knob and found out it was open.

Memories of our sessions rushed through to my head. He used to leave the door open so James would come and 'take care' of him. I knew something was so very wrong and that having to quit the orchestra was taking the best of him. I knew that not talking about it was stupid. We were both grown-ups and something like this should be talked about over and over again until we found an answer that would make us both happy. I knew I shouldn't be a pussy and hide behind the fact that he was not talking to me first, but come on!

I was aware of the fact that he still had to get over so much to be in his right state of mind again. This was not fair ... I was not being fair. I had conquered so much in life already. Thinking about it, I had a lot more than I thought I would in such a little time. I was successful, and the waiting list of patients to be treated by me was really long. Being the hermit I was, I had gathered more money than I ever thought I would need.

Thoughts of what would go on in that bathroom once I walked in made me shiver. What would he expect from me? I had promised him I would do anything for him; I would tend to his every want and need, not judging, just making him feel good, but damn … I was worried I would get sick. I was worried he would ask me to do stuff I wasn't ready for yet. I loved him so freaking much, but I didn't know if I ccould really show him I love him that way ... the way James did. I didn't know if he would be able to see the love in my eyes once I was concerned with his state of mind while doing whatever he asked me. With shaky hands and after drawing deep breaths and exhaling slowly, I opened the door and walked in.

Ed was sitting on the toilet, his pants around his ankles, his arms crossed over his knees and his face buried on his lap.

I could see his whole body shaking. He was crying ... sobbing.

In a flash, I was kneeling down in front of him; all my previous stupid thoughts drifted away. My only concern being his desperation, his need for comfort and affection. I pulled him into my embrace, his face snuggling into my shoulder. I could feel his face was wet from crying, dampening my T-shirt.

His sobs got stronger and unceasing. He cried out loud like something was hurting him bad and he could finally let it all out in my arms.

I held the back of his head with my left hand and caressed his back, moving my right hand up and down, desperately trying to soothe his pain. I had seen him falling apart before, but it was never like this.

We had to talk. No matter what time it was, how tired I was, how frantic he was.

It was time.

"Ed … Are you upset about New York?" I asked him, trying to pull away so as to look at his face, but he wouldn't have any of that. He pulled me back into him, and I could feel him nodding against my shoulder. "You don't wanna quit, do you?" His crying was softer now, and I could feel his answer against my shoulder again. He shook his head no.

That was killing him. It didn't matter if the resolution was one-sided, no matter what Jake said, what two adults would do or whatever crap us psychiatrists would come up with to make it more rational than emotional, at the end of the day, Edward's happiness was my happiness. His despair was my despair. I couldn't be happy away from him, and he couldn't be happy in Seattle as a mere guest musician once he had the chance to fulfill his dream. It was killing me too. I had conquered it all, and right now, nothing was more important to me than him, nothing else really mattered but to make him happy. Fuck what Jake said!

Caressing his hair, peppering his neck with kisses I said, "Good … because you don't have to." Edward stopped shaking, let go of me and looked at me wide-eyed. I pulled him back into my embrace the way we were before, because his face told me he was terrified. I wondered if he thought I was breaking up with him. I needed him to know it was none of that.

"Do you want me to go with you? To move to New York with you?"

He squeezed me tighter, and I could hardly hear his soft, "Yes."

"I'm coming with you then … I'm coming with you, and we'll be together … always."

I could feel Ed started crying again, but it was different this time. It was with relief and gratitude. I held him and cried with him. I knew I was doing the right thing. I couldn't let him go, and I couldn't ask him to quit his dream for me.

I wondered how long Ed had been sitting there, thinking that he was probably sore from the position he was in.

Deciding I needed to bring him back to bed, I asked, "Ed … Wanna come to bed with me?" He nodded. "Do you need me to wipe you?" I asked tentatively. I didn't know if that was what he expected me to do, so I did it anyway.

"No … I didn't do anything … but thanks." His voice was faint, almost a murmur.

I chuckled. What was he doing there with his pants around his ankles then? Maybe he was … testing me? Checking if I really loved him and was ready to take care of him that way?

I never knew anyone who loved being bathed, dressed, and shaved by others, meaning by me, as much as he did. I even cut his toenails.

Of course he was always ready to do the same for me―many times he was the one who initiated it.

I stood up and pulled him up too, kneeling down in front of him to pull up his pants. Looking straight ahead, I was surprised that his cock was hard and ready, calling for my lips.

I didn't think twice.

I lapped my tongue around his head, sucking it into my mouth slowly.

Edward had to brace himself by pressing his hands against the bathroom cabinet and the glass shower wall to keep standing. I guess I caught him by surprise.

His legs were shaking and I pressed my left hand against his abs, making him sit back down otherwise I think he would have fallen.

I loved his taste. From the first time I sucked him off, I loved his taste. I couldn't get enough of him, and he couldn't last long in my mouth. I was always so eager to drink his seed from the source, his warm cream washing down my throat, feeding me with his essence.

I bobbed my head, sucking on his dick so hard I made him shiver. I felt one of his hands caressing through my curls while he opened his legs wide and asked me, "Stick a finger inside me, Jay … please." I confess it shocked me a little, but just a little.

I lifted my right hand to his lips, and he sucked my fingers into his mouth a few times before coating them with his saliva. The feeling of his lips sucking around my finger went right to my cock. By then I was painfully hard and in need of release, too.

Ed was panting and thrusting his cock in my mouth when I started circling his tight little entrance with my fingers. He stilled his movements with the sensation of being touched that way, and once I'd slid my middle finger all the way inside him, he started moving into my mouth and down on my finger. Both of his hands were in my hair, sometimes caressing it, sometimes pulling on it softly.

His moans and groans and pants and gasps reverberated against the bathroom walls, the echo magnifying the sounds, making my cock ache, almost bursting in need.

"Fuuuuckkkkkk!" I heard him shout as I felt his cum shooting down my throat, his ass clenching around my finger, his movements still hard and fast while he held my head with his hands.

In a sudden movement, Edward pulled me by the face to his, sucking on my lips and tongue, ravishing my mouth and face desperately. Pulling me to straddle him, I felt his hand close around my shaft, and after a few tugs, he knew I was ready to blow.

Leaning down and pulling me up, Edward sucked me off, grasping my ass cheeks and pulling me into his mouth. I came so hard and fast I saw stars and had to lean forward, supporting myself against the wall behind Edward so I wouldn't fall back.

When he felt I was done, he pulled me back down to his lap and kissed me languidly, sharing my seed with me as I had shared his with him moments before.

He pulled away just enough so he could speak against my lips, "Fuck, Jay … how can you be so perfect? How can you be so perfect to me? I love you so fucking much. I cannot call it love … there must be another name to call what I feel for you 'cause love doesn't begin to cover it." Then his lips were punishing mine again, his hands pulling me to him.

Listening to his words made my eyes watery and tears rolled down my face at the recognition of the fact that he felt for me exactly as I felt for him. I adored him. I worshiped him. I craved him. And right now, I wanted to crawl under his skin and be within him forever.

**XxxxxxxX**

"Jay…" I heard him say, trying to wake me up by caressing my arm and back. "Jay … I have questions. I need you to wake up."

I only opened one eye, trying to be funny, to ease him out of the stern mood I could recognize from his tone of voice.

"What, Ed? You really need to have a great reason to wake me up in the middle of the night, " I said, stirring in bed, stretching my arms and yawning.

"I do," was his answer, while observing my movements and waiting for me to sit up with my back to the headboard.

"Unless it has something to do with sticking your cock down my throat or up my ass―"

"It's important," he cut me off.

I recomposed myself not to sound disrespectful.

Kneeling by me, Edward showed signs of agitation and concern. I knew where those came from. I told him I would move to New York with him, but we hadn't discussed details. After the first shock and the love making and a good sleep, his anxiety over the move wouldn't recede. Therefore, I guessed he was ready and needed to talk about it now.

I looked at him, waiting for some time. I knew Edward always needed to take his time to speak when things were important. It didn't take long though. After pulling his hair back away from his face, his locks falling right back where they were before, he asked, "Jay, how long have we … been together?" His eyes were sparkling. I wondered what was on his mind.

"Almost five months. Why?" I questioned, scratching my head.

"You think … do you think it's too early for us to move in together?" he asked, looking at me through his lashes.

I felt the smile creeping over my lips; my guy was probably all worried about our living arrangements after our move.

"Edward, we don't have to. We can live in separate apartments just as we are now. There is no rush . We don't need to rush things."

Edward's eyes widened throughout my speech.

"I think I didn't make myself clear with my question," he said, snapping out of it.

"I … I gave up the apartment I used to live in with James when we broke up. I had just moved to my uncle's former apartment when I came back to Seattle," he shifted uncomfortably on his knees.

"Edward, I can rent an apartment for myself, no worries. Now let's go back to sleep." Turning away from him, I felt his hand pulling on my shoulder.

"What would be the point of renting an apartment? I mean …" I rolled back to look at him. I think my Ed wanted to ask me to move in with him. I wouldn't spoil his moment though. I wanted to watch him do it. I would wait patiently for it.

"Ed … come here," I said, pulling him into my embrace. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and whispered, "I love being here with you . I love living here with you. I know we didn't move in yet or anything, but I want you to live with me in New York."

Pulling away from me, he looked deep in my eyes and asked, "Will you move in with me?"

Part of me was hoping for this development, I mean us living together in New York. So I just nodded in response, pulling him to me one more time, holding him as tight as I could. I loved how he was bigger than me and how he covered me completely; loved his weight heavy upon me. It felt like one day we would merge into one, and we would never have to be apart ever again.

But Edward wasn't finished. After kissing me soundly, he spoke again, "Have you thought about this carefully, or did you decide it right there with me in the bathroom?"

Playing with his hair, I answered him naturally. I knew he was preoccupied.

"I thought it through, Ed … you don't need to worry, okay?"

"But what about your practice?" he asked, pulling away to look in my face.

"Edward," I started sliding myself up to a sitting position, as Ed pulled himself up to straddle me, "It's gonna be a new challenge for me. I graduated here, went for residency here, and know everybody. I started working at the University hospital and then started my practice. It was all pretty smooth and natural. Maybe things came too easy for me. Maybe I need the challenge."

Edward molded his torso to mine, pulling me back down to the bed, showering my face and neck with kisses, murmuring, "You're so fucking perfect … so fucking perfect." My hands went to his hair, and I caressed it until I felt his breathing evening out.

We slept the rest of the night with arms and limbs entangled; Ed's body half on top of mine, and the comfort of his weight and warmth calming my heart and reassuring me I was doing the right thing.

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><p>AN- How was it this time?Thanks so much for reading! Things haven't been so nasty lately, huh? Tell me what you think! Blue button is waiting! :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Author:** DPD

**Rating:** M for language and guy-on-guy action.

**Pairings:** Edward/Jasper

**Disclaimer:** SM owns it all, but my pervy mind and thoughts.

**Summary: **This is a sad, dark, yet beautiful slash story about Edward, who came to my offices to discuss his past. His partner, James had killed himself. My heart grieved for his loss, until his dark secret was revealed to me. Contains hardcore kink, fetishes, scat play and golden showers. **WARNING**: not for the faint hearted.

**A/N:** This is a slash story. If you are not into man on man sex, walk away. If you are under 18, walk away. There are kinky disturbing images including **paraphilia** like **coprophilia **and **urolagnia**. If you have a weak stomach, walk away. There are plenty of other stories for you to read.

I want to thank my three musketeers Athos, Porthos and Aramis and my wizard Merlin for working so hard with me and standing by me all the way. You guys have no idea how great you are!

Hey, peeps! I'm learning! I replied every single review this time! YEY! I feel so good I didn't let anyone down. Thanks for your reviews! They mean so much to me!

Now let's see how everything will turn out after the move!

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><p><strong>NASTY<strong>

**Chap 6**

JPOV

Riding the yellow cab from the airport, I snickered thinking how much I would surprise Edward arriving two weeks earlier than I told him I would.

I needed to stay in Seattle for a couple of months after Edward had gone back to New York to get everything sorted out, wrap things up with my patients, pass them on to different colleagues of mine, close my apartment, and say goodbye to all my friends and family while announcing my move.

My parents, who loved Edward from the get go, were a bit wary their 'baby' was moving so far away, but my mom was excited by the fact that now she could come to New York more often since she had one more reason to do so: keeping an eye on us.

My mom always acted like a mother bear. When I was fifteen, I came out to her, and she kept my secret until I finally came out to the whole family. She wanted me to feel comfortable with my sexuality first and gave me the space I needed to do so.

My dad worked a lot, so it was mostly Mom and I home during the day. She was all kinds of inappropriate when we were alone. She would ask me if I had been watching porn, if it was any good; kept telling me I had to shave and that boys wouldn't like to kiss me if my face felt like a piece of sandpaper. I thanked God she never asked me about shaving my balls―if she had watched the movies I had, she probably would have!

She would smother me with questions about the boys in school, and I used to comment on the fact all the gay boys in school were too flamboyant and behaved like girls―I was almost convinced I was something else because if being gay meant being girly too, then I was certainly not one of them.

Mom never knew about Emmett, though. I never worked up the guts to tell her.

The first time I took Edward to dinner and he introduced himself as Edward Cullen, my mom quickly connected all the links between him and Carlisle and pulled him into a tight hug, saying, "Welcome to the family, kiddo! We love your dad, and we will love you too!"

On hearing these words, Edward melted into my mother's embrace, and all my surprise at my mother's actions vanished, replaced by the tenderness of that moment. Edward's lips curled up, and his eyes closed while he sighed his contentment. When they pulled away, Mom gave him a peck on the cheek, and he smiled gloriously. My heart was swimming in joy, and I felt ten-feet tall.

Then my dad shook Ed's hand with a smile on his face and pulled him into a manly half-hug, slapping him on the back, saying, "Welcome, son! You've conquered the beast! Now you can relax!"

That earned him a glare from my mom, showing him the beast was still in the room.

Later that night, Edward revealed to me he was a nervous wreck before dinner―as if I hadn't noticed. He was afraid of what my parents would think of him. James' parents had never accepted Edward in their family. Edward was not even allowed to attend James' funeral.

Maybe moms did have a sixth sense like people said. Edward told me my mother's hugs were healing, that whenever she hugged him, he felt a little piece of his heart being mended, curing him from the pain he felt from being rejected by James' parents. The worst of hearing him tell me these things was that he had no resentment. It felt almost as if he agreed with them, like he should be cast aside that way. It made my heart shrink into a small pebble, bouncing around completely lost in my rib cage.

Damn, I was going crazy wanting to see Edward, touch him, kiss him…

On many a night we had fallen asleep on the phone, skype-ing with our cameras on in others, but God, I missed him.

Looking at my watch, I huffed in frustration; traffic was a bitch, and it was taking forever to arrive at Ed's building. I had the address written on a piece of paper I was rolling between my fingers, trying to calm myself down. I was so anxious to see him, to see if he was okay. I had been worried for a few days, noticing some signs of depression in his speech, in his voice. I knew he was not my patient anymore, but some habits were hard to fight and I was constantly observing him.

When the cab driver finally parked at the given address, I realized his building on East 85th Street was so close to 5th Avenue I could see Central Park from there.

Paying the cabbie, I quickly exited, scooping up my bag and throwing it over my shoulder as I rushed towards Edward's building.

I walked into the lobby and was surprised to find a doorman standing there behind a beautifully carved mahogany counter. The entrance was all so tastefully decorated; a red carpet welcomed visitors, a brown velvet couch seated opposite two Louis XV chairs. Italian marble-topped side and coffee tables were placed upon a Shiraz rug that lay elegantly against the light granite floors―I was impressed.

Now I needed to try and charm―or maybe buy―my way into the building without being announced or my surprise would be spoiled.

It was easier than I thought it would be. Apparently, the doorman had already seen my picture. Edward had known him almost all his life and had told him all about me. I was so happy and proud―I would never have imagined he would be so open about us like this so soon.

Snickering in front of the door, I rang the bell and heard his footsteps jogging closer and closer. I heard him halting; I could see the shadow of his feet behind the door, probably peeking through the peephole. I heard him say, "Fuck!" and the door flew open!

I hardly had time to focus on him before I felt him pulling me into the apartment. The door shut with a thud, and his body crashed to mine pressing me against it.

While his lips sucked on every bit of skin he could reach, I felt the hardness of his teeth grazing on my neck, his wet tongue following the trail of fire his lips were setting.

"Fuck, baby … were you trying to kill me, surprising me like this?" he murmured against my lips. His hands were all over me, his bare chest warm against mine, his sleep pants so thin I could feel him hardening through it.

"Did you miss me, pretty boy?" I teased him, pushing my fingers against the skin of his back and sliding my hands down to cup his ass cheeks.

"I did … so fucking much," he whispered, rolling his hips against mine,showing me just how much he had missed me; our lips attached, deliciously bruising each other's, his tongue was caressing the insides of my mouth, our noses brushing, his moans and gasps mirroring mine.

"You almost gave me a heart attack," he said, releasing my lips just for a few seconds.

"I'm glad you quit smoking, or I would have to blow you back to life," I replied with a cheeky smirk on my face, as his lips kissed and nipped my neck.

"Aren't you Mister Smart Ass?" he retorted, pressing my body even harder against the door before attacking my lips as if trying to draw blood from them.

Too soon, Edward's lips left mine while he slid his body down, hooking his hands behind my legs, pulling me up. I crossed my legs behind his back and held him tight so we wouldn't fall. Edward spun us around and walked farther into the room, and kneeling down, laid me carefully on top of many pillows scattered all around on top of a fluffy white rug. His lips met mine again, and I felt his weight pressing me down into the pillows. I was home.

I loved the taste of him.

"God, I missed you," he whispered seconds after pulling his lips from mine before pulling my shirt up and out, throwing it across the room. His hands rushed to my button fly, undoing it as fast as he could.

Once done with the buttons, he moved backwards to pull my pants out of the way. Would he notice the second surprise I'd carefully―and painfully― prepared for him?

After getting rid of my pants, he leaned down closer to my body to pull down my briefs. He was trailing a beeline of kisses along the waistband of my boxers when we both heard a growl.

Fuck.

My traitorous stomach was cock-blocking me.

Edward's eyes shot up to look at mine, and I knew my face was all screwed up in embarrassment. Edward's mouth curled up at the corners, his teeth framed by his plump rosy lips formed the most beautiful smile.

He stood up, offering me his hand to help me up—I groaned at my traitorous stomach, wishing it could have held off for a little while longer. Once we were both standing, he pulled me after him, leading the way to what I supposed was the kitchen.

WOW! What a kitchen! The pitch black stone of the floor and cabinet tops was granite; the cabinets and all the appliances were made of stainless steel.

There was a nice island right in the middle with the stove and a sink and still a lot of counter space to be used for cooking or eating, and four black leather benches were around it.

Edward headed to the fridge collecting some cold cuts, cheese, sliced bread, some lettuce and tomatoes. Laying everything on the counter next to where I was standing, he busied himself on the task of preparing me food.

It's incredible how different he seemed to be. His forehead was smooth, no creases, no fallen eyebrows anymore; he was energetic and so much happier. He was in his element.

What worried me though was his place showed hardly any life. Apart from the grand piano in the middle of what I believed was supposed to be a dining room, and the fluffy white rug and pillows in the living room, the place was pretty much empty. No furniture, no paintings or pictures on the cold white walls.

While observing my love preparing my nourishment, I approached him from behind, my arms circling his waist, molding my body around his back, supporting my chin on his shoulder, I asked him, "Ed, why is your apartment empty?"

Edward half turned in my arms, his hands still busy pealing the tomatoes, he grinned and answered, "It's not empty anymore—you're here now," kissing my temple tenderly.

"Not empty of people. There's no furniture or pictures, just your piano and a rug with pillows on the floor—"

"I got what you said, Jay," he cut me off with a chuckle.

Moving to the toaster to prepare the bread, he continued, "The rug and the pillows together with the mattress in my room was all I bought when I moved in. I like reading on that rug; it's not as soft as the mattress and not as hard as the floor. And the place was empty because … well, remember I told you my uncle Aro left me his apartment?" and he trailed his eyes to me briefly, I nodded. Glancing back at the toaster, he continued, "This was his place."

"Hmmm," I acknowledged, nodding.

Removing the toasted bread from the toaster to put together our sandwiches, he went on, "When he found out he was terminally ill, he donated all his furniture and antique objects to the Metropolitan Museum. He said his story was attached to every piece of art he had, so he wanted them to be preserved and also the apartment to be empty so I could write my own story in it. He left the grand piano because it was a part of my story already."

Edward finished our sandwiches and cut them in half, pushing one of the plates towards me. He went to the fridge and retrieved a pitcher with juice, pouring us two glasses of the cold liquid while continuing.

"The apartment was already here at my disposal when I came to Julliard, but I felt bad living here, living our dream without him. Somehow it felt wrong," he said lowering his head.

Sighing, he went on, "I used to come here and play the piano whenever things were hard and I needed to cool off. It felt like … a sanctuary or something," he paused. "When James went back to Seattle after we broke up, I came here and stayed for a couple of days. I couldn't make myself leave. Once I made up my mind, I gave up my apartment and moved here."

He finally took a bite of his sandwich, and we ate silently. I knew those memories were hard on him, and I wanted him to take his time and recuperate.

I was worried when I could see no sign of him coming out of that gloomy state of mind triggered by his memories. I needed to lighten up the mood and stop being a shrink for a change, so I fired with a smile, "Damn … you cook almost as well as you fuck me."

His eyes darkened in mischief as he looked up into mine with a sexy smirk on his face. "Oh, yeah?" he asked, moving towards me, pushing my back against the island, and pressing his body against mine. "I was beginning to think you'd forgotten. It's been too fucking long." And with that his lips attached to my neck, sucking and nipping on the sensitive spot where it met my shoulder.

"Never," I breathlessly replied, digging on the skin of his back with my fingers, pulling him even closer to me, his hips already rolling against mine, his erection grinding on my own. Too bad both were still covered with the fabric of my briefs and his sleep pants.

I felt his hand running through my hair on the back of my head while his other hand cupped my ass cheek pulling me to him.

"I don't think you remember … maybe I should remind you now."

I felt his hands behind my legs, lifting me up to sit on the island top. His lips left mine as his hand pushed me down on my back on the cold, black stone.

Edward leaned on me, kissing his way down my body; I felt jolts of electricity down my spine, making my cock twitch at the thought of his lips wrapping around it. My breath hitched—it had been too long.

Hooking his fingers into the waistband of my underwear, I felt his lips gently sucking the skin close to it between his teeth as he slid the fabric down. Soon he would find his other surprise. I just hoped he didn't find it corny or something. As he was kissing down my V line, he reached it.

He pulled away so as to look at it. His lips turned into a shining smile as he took in the ink on my crotch. It was our nicknames Ed and Jay, written side by side with an infinity symbol linking both together.

Edward instantly climbed on top of the island, his knees on both sides of my body, his left hand on the side of my face supporting his weight. He attacked my lips furiously as his right hand caressed our names together on my crotch.

"You're so beautiful, Jay," and his lips were on mine again, "So fucking beautiful," he cooed between kisses. "Inside and out."

His tongue delved into my mouth with purpose, as if trying to capture my soul.

I felt my lips swelling from the force of his lips moving with mine.

Climbing down from the countertop, his lips quickly returned to my skin as soon as his feet hit the floor.

Sliding his soft, moist mouth down my body, he reached my inked skin and lapped his tongue over and over, up and down my crotch as if worshipping it.

Pulling me up to a sitting position, his lips were again desperate on mine. In a swift move, he had one hand on my back, pulling me to him, and the other freeing my cock from the briefs, trapping it between our bodies.

For a few seconds, he pulled me away from him by my hair and mumbled against my lips, "I'm gonna get one just like this," rubbing his hip against mine, latching his mouth to mine once more.

Pulling me by the hair again with a goofy smirk on his face, he went on, "But you gotta come with me to hold my hand. I've been told it hurts like Hell, and I'm a wimp whenever pain is involved!"

He kissed me, trying to hide his laugher, probably imagining the scene at the tattoo parlor. I couldn't help but smile against his moist swollen lips.

He liked it! He fucking liked it!

Soon, the fun and banter were gone. I leaned back a bit, supporting my weight on my arms behind my body.

I felt Ed's lips and tongue working down my body, kissing, nipping, and licking. He paid close attention to our joined names again, soon moving to my balls, sucking them one at a time, his tongue lapping from them up my cock to my crown, engulfing me fully. It took everything in me not to come right away. I noticed he didn't want to waste any time, sucking the head fiercely the way he knew would make me come in a flash.

With a pop, he let my cock go, looked up and said, "Come for me, Jay. I need to taste you so badly." Panting hard, I couldn't even answer him, so I nodded, and his smile was back on his lips right before sucking my cock back into his warm mouth.

One of my hands flew to his head, caressing his unruly copper hair while he sucked me as if his life depended on it.

Feeling my balls drawing back and the tingling down my spine, I soon spilled my seed in his mouth. "Ahhhhhhhhhhh ... Fuuuuuuuck! Feels so good … so fucking good!"

He continued bobbing his head, sucking me dry, then peppered kisses on my thighs, my groin, my balls and cock, placing a longer kiss on my ink.

I had turned into a pile of goo, from the orgasm he gave me, the tenderness of his kisses and the feel of the featherlike touches of his slender fingers caressing me.

He stood up, pulling me into his arms, and I melted against him. God, I was home.

"Can you walk?" His voice was low and soothing as his hands were caressed my back. I shook my head no, chuckling. He slid his hands down my legs, pulling them behind him so I could lock my ankles together. I held onto him behind his neck, and he pulled me from the island.

Edward took me to his bedroom in his arms. I felt like a fucking girl, but I loved it!

My eyes were closed, and I simply enjoyed being encased in his strong grip, drawing his scent from his neck, tasting him on my tongue, feeling his hair tickling my skin.

As we entered the bedroom, he carefully knelt down laying me on the mattress on the floor. I couldn't help noticing he hadn't even bought a bed yet.

Ed stood up again and pulled down his pants, kicking them aside, and then knelt between my legs, leaning on top of me.

With his forehead touching mine, his nose brushed my own, and his erection slid against my now semi-hard member; he cooed, "I'm not gonna fuck you tonight." I had missed him too much; I wouldn't have any of that. I was going to protest when he kissed my lips with his closed ones just to shut me up. Pulling back again, he continued, "I'm gonna love you tonight," and his lips were on mine again, consuming me, stealing my breath.

Once more he pulled back. "I need to feel you under my touch again," he murmured as he crashed his lips to mine; his mouth demanded entrance, and my lips parted in compliance.

He left me panting, stopping all movements to ask, "How do you want me?" His voice was raspy as he kissed down my neck to the hollow on my throat.

"On my back … I want you on my back." My voice was hoarse, my heart beating so fast I thought it would snap.

I loved it when he was lying on my back, supporting his weight on me, covering me, making me his completely.

Edward pulled himself up to a kneeling position between my legs, holding one of my legs and turning me around. I closed my eyes and felt him lying on top of me, just to drag his body down mine, pressing it against the mattress so I could feel my back being massaged by his chest's taut muscles, as his lips kissed me all the way down.

I felt his lips caress my cheeks grazing them softly with his teeth. He brushed his tongue even farther down, reaching the spot where my ass met my thighs. He licked along it, and bit it gently, saying, "Fuck, I just love this spot right here." He licked the spot from side to side once more on both legs.

I felt the loss of his lips on me as he held my butt cheeks and spread them apart. He blew a puff of air against my crease making me shiver. The cool air was rapidly replaced by his warm tongue licking down the crack of my ass, and by then, my breathing was erratic, and my heart beat franticly.

I would never get used to how good it felt to have his tongue lapping on my puckered hole. He was the first to ever do that to me. It felt better every time he did it―I moaned unashamedly at the feeling―and now he was doing it again, and the only thoughts in my head were, "don't stop, don't ever stop!"

I guess I said it out loud, because I felt his tongue leaving me and heard a chuckle behind me. Soon his tongue was on me again, only now the tip was pressing against my entrance.

"Fuuuuck! Feels so fucking good," I panted.

He fucked me with his tongue, and soon his fingers were prepping me. My cock was rock hard trapped between my body and the mattress, and I was desperate for him to just take me.

"Edward, please … please," I pleaded, writhing underneath his touch. It had been too fucking long since he was this close to me, making me feel this good.

Edward lay on my back, pressing ghostly soft kisses on my neck, breathing against my skin. This was perfect. I felt his cock travelling up and down my crack as he moved his hips, until I heard the lube cap being lifted. Soon the head of his lubed cock was breaching my ring, and I finally felt whole again.

"Oh … Feels so good, Ed. So fucking good," I gasped breathlessly.

As his cock slid in short slow thrusts inside me, I felt his weight pressing me against the bed and his husky voice murmuring in my ear, "Jay, I missed you so much! I missed every single moment we had together. I missed being with you like this, but I also missed the quiet moments we had: having dinner sitting across from each other, holding hands, exchanging stolen caresses in public, humming in your ear 'til you could fall asleep. I missed it all. I don't know how I can show you just how much it means to me that you're here, that you came home for me."

FUCK!

I felt both his hands sliding up my arms, entangling his fingers with mine, his right one dragging my right one down.

"Lift your hips a bit," he directed, lifting his own, his cock sliding out of me. As I did what he asked, I felt his right leg pushing mine up on the mattress a bit, our entangled hands sliding below us, our fingers wrapping around my hard length.

The second my cock was encased in our hands, his was back inside me, pulling and pushing in and out of me, fucking my ass as my dick fucked our hands. It was slow, and sweetly torturing. I was entranced by the feeling; I didn't want it to end.

"Close your eyes," Edward whispered in my ear.

Letting go of my left hand, he circled his arm above my head, covering my eyes with his warm hand saying, "Just feel it."

And just like that, we became one. Edward was my eyes, guiding me through the darkness, making my heart beat stronger, my lungs breathe heavier, as my body savored the moment like never before. I could feel every inch of his body pushing against mine, sliding on top of me lubed by a sheen of sweat. I could feel his heart beating franticly on my back, as mine beat in time with his. I could feel his muscles moving against mine, his hips thrusting against my ass. I could feel his cock driving inside me; the plump head breaching my ring, stretching me, demanding entrance, his thick rod pulsating—eager to burst inside me. I could feel every vein brushing against my channel as his head caressed my sweet spot over and over, making me shiver by the overwhelming sensations it created within me. Meanwhile, his breath warmed my neck, his open mouth obliviously grazing my skin, and his moans and gasps filled my ears as I was pinned to the bed, being venerated by him.

Missing him so much must have been a sort of spice.

He sped up his movements; he was breathing heavily, passion and lust evident in his voice, "Can't hold it any longer. Feels too good! Gonna come … Fuuuuuuuuuuuck … Aaaaahhhhhhhh!"

I felt his hot seed splashing against my walls, warming me up inside, while he sank his teeth into my shoulder, triggering my own orgasm, "Hmmmmmmmm … Ahhhhhhh ... Fuuuuuuuck!" My come covered our hands, painting the crimson sheets in milky white.

In a sudden move, he turned our joined bodies to our left sides, freeing his hand so he could swirl his thumb around the already sensitive head of my cock, prolonging my orgasm, as his left hand uncovered my face, pulling it to him so he could capture my lips with his.

It was just perfect.

We lay there panting for some time, his arms wrapped around me, our bodies cooling off as we breathed heavily.

I was almost dozing off when he offered in a soft voice, "Want some water?"

"Sure." I was more tired than thirsty, but I could use some water.

Standing up, he padded off to the kitchen.

I observed his movements until he left the room.

His hair was longer, his face neatly shaved. His green eyes looked like the most precious emeralds, shining with happiness.

I was glad he had no purple rings under his eyes and there was no taste of cigarettes in his mouth or smell of smoke on his body.

Coming back from the kitchen with two bottles of water in his hands, he threw mine to me, his lips already latched to his bottle, making me jealous —his lips were not on mine, while he sat on the mattress across from me. It was early, and I don't think Ed was ready to go to bed and sleep.

"Thanks, love." I said as soon as mine landed in my hands.

Edward slowly pulled the bottle down from his lips and looked at me in such a strange way, I don't know if I can put it into words. He was surely looking at me, but his eyes were distant, as if seeing through me, spotting something far behind me. And he just stood there, until I called him.

"Edward." No answer. "Edward, are you okay?"

He blinked and shook his head, moving towards me, slipping behind me in bed; the bottle of water forgotten by the bedside table. I felt his nose nuzzling behind my ear, his arms pulling me almost painfully against him.

"What's wrong, love?" He pulled me into him even harder, burying his face in my neck. I felt him shaking his head no, the action pulling my hair because he was pressing so close against me.

I waited for his answer as I always did, because I knew it could take time, but he would answer me. He could hide stuff from me, but once I asked, he didn't hold anything back.

As I predicted, he spoke, "No one but my mother has ever called me 'love'," his lips brushed against the skin of my neck; his voice was soft and shaky.

"What did James call you?" We could talk about James with no reservation. He was part of Edward's every experience before me. He was the man he first experienced love, sex, and companionship with,but and also pain, betrayal and every other aspect of life.

"He called me Edward," he said, kissing my neck softly. I turned around to look at his face.

"He didn't even call you Ed, or Eddie?" I enquired.

"I hate being called Eddie," he said, chuckling.

He turned me back to face forward again and attached his lips to my neck, sucking on it, then grazing his teeth on my skin, ending with a kiss.

He sighed before speaking again, "James' parents screwed him up pretty bad. He and Jane had short names so they would never be called by nicknames. When we were young kids I called him Jamie in front of his dad, as I used to call him when he was at my place, and his father lashed out at us both, me for calling him Jamie, and him for letting me give him a nickname. James also abhorred being called 'love', or 'babe'… he said it was too gay. So I called him James, and he called me Edward."

Why was I not surprised?

"Do you mind me calling you 'love'?" I asked.

"I love it every time you call me like that." His smile shone once more before he kissed the side of my head, pulling me close again, leaving me breathless and loved.

"One day you'll break my ribs," I commented.

"Nah, I doubt it. You're strong, you can handle it," he chided, chuckling and squeezing me in his arms again.

"Now, are you going to tell me why you got here with only a small bag, fifteen days earlier than I expected you?" he questioned with a raised brow.

"You mean besides missing my guy and almost drowning in self pity for being alone without him?" He nodded.

I noticed a grin was plastered on his face. He couldn't uncurl his lips and hide his teeth. It was amazing. I was so fucking happy I felt like I was going to burst!

"Okay. There is another reason. A reason I took advantage of so I could speed things up to come see you," I said, looking back at him.

"I have a job interview at the Presbyterian Hospital tomorrow."

"What? And you tell me this now?" he asked, pulling away from me; his voice excited, his eyes even more alive than before!

"I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to hide anything from you. I just missed you so much, and that was more important than anything else."

He hugged me close again.

"The Presbyterian is a great hospital," he commented.

"Yeah, but I'm overqualified for the position they have available. I'll have to convince them I'm up for it, and that they'll make a good deal out of hiring me." It felt so comfortable being in his arms, talking about our life; my life, even.

"Tell me again why you need a job in the hospital instead of starting your own practice like you had in Seattle, please?"

"I need people to know me. I need to be recommended. If I start my practice now, no one will show up. If I work at the hospital, other doctors will get to know me and my work and will send me the patients who want to be treated privately," I explained.

"Ohhh … got it." he said, nodding against my shoulder.

"So … what about this place? When can we start decorating it?" I elbowed his ribs, grinning at him.

"Damn … that hurts!" he complained.

"Nah … you can take it. You are strong enough," I mimicked his answer to me.

Edward slid from behind me, lying on his side and turned to me. His face was so close to mine I could feel his hot breath fanning me.

"I was just waiting for you. I want my story to be linked to yours, in here, just as my uncle wanted," he said, kissing my lips gently. Oh, God ... It got better every time.

Thoughts of how his uncle would have seen our relationship develop came to my mind. Would he have been okay with me going from Edward's doctor to Edward's partner? I know Carlisle and Esme took it well, but they already knew me. It was no surprise for them their son felt the way he did for me. I guess they saw that one coming or something. But his uncle may have thought I took advantage of my position to seduce Edward and that thought made me feel a little restless.

When he pulled away, I enquired, "Do you think your uncle would have liked me?"

He laughed out loud. "He would have thought you were perfect. He always said I was insane! Dating a psychiatrist would be the best choice, I guess!"

He started tickling me like a child. "Stoooop, Edward, stop! You know how I hate that!" He did as I asked, both of us laughing like two goofs.

"Talking about psychiatrists, have you started your sessions with Doctor Denali?"

Showing frustration, Edward sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his forehead on my shoulder before answering, "I don't like her, Jay." And I had to laugh.

"No kidding? You don't like your psychiatrist? That's a first!" I said, amused.

"It's different this time. She makes me miss Dr. Clearwater." That got me worried.

"How so, love? Is it something she does, or says?" I enquired.

Edward creased his forehead and answered, "She looks at me as if I'm something to eat." He placed a kiss on my neck.

"You mean, sexually speaking?" I said, furrowing my brows.

"Yeah, I guess," he said, embarrassed. It made me remember the first time Edward walked into my office and wonder if I looked at him that way. So I had to ask. "Did I look at you that way when you first walked into my office, or any other day you were there?" I was seriously worried.

"I wish!" he spat.

"What do you mean you wish?" I asked, turning to look at his face to try and read his expressions. Edward blushed. He looked down, his lips ghosting a shy smile. What the heck was going on? What hadn't he told me yet?

Pursing his lips, he tried to hold a chuckle and prepared to speak a couple of times before actually succeeding.

"Jay, love, please don't hate me for what I'm gonna tell you, okay?" His eyes were back looking into mine, trying to gauge my reaction, maybe?

Oh my, this must be good. Why would I hate him?

"I can't hate you, Edward. I love you too much to hate you. Now spit it out!" I was really curious.

"Errr … I … kinda … I wanted you to want me when I started seeing you as a patient, and I was very disappointed at how professional you were with me from the start."

WHAT?

I sat up, pulling myself away from him. I was wide eyed, I didn't know what to say. He needed to explain this better. My mind was reeling, and all I could think was that it was all a sham to get me!

Observing my panicked look, Edward sat up across from me and tried to explain, "Jay, I think I haven't explained it properly. Let me try again." Holding my hands in his, he looked into my eyes and held my gaze while explaining. "I was feeling so fucking bad about myself back then. I didn't know whether I was healthy or sick too, whether I was alive or just waiting for my time to come. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, and all I could see in other people's eyes was pity. Everyone in my life knew. I couldn't stand my mom's face, my dad's concern …" He lowered his head, sighing. I knew these were dark times for him.

Taking a deep breath, he continued, "When Dad commented you had a private practice and maybe it would be good for me to talk to someone, I remembered how you looked at me at your graduation party." His eyes trained back to mine, "I remembered how it made me feel back then, and I craved feeling like that again. I needed to be touched, soothed …" He looked down again at his hands now.

"I was in pieces, Jay. I wished you could glue me back together. All I wanted was for you to look at me the way you did that first time but you were perfect as a doctor, totally professional. You treated me with respect and patience. I couldn't help but notice the tenderness in your eyes, though. You made me want to tell you everything. Your eyes made me trust you. I just couldn't stand the possibility of you knowing everything and looking at me with pity in your eyes too."

Edward's eyes were watery as he let his head fall between his shoulders in a defeated move. I could see by his demeanor he was taken back in time and was feeling as bad as he did then; I couldn't be mad at him. I could never be mad at him.

Wrapping my arms around him, I pulled him close and was surprised he wasn't finished. As he started speaking, I tried to pull away, but he held me firm.

"The first time I felt your arms around me like this, Jesus … I felt like … I didn't want you to ever let me go. I knew you didn't love me yet, but I could finally fight for you, I was healthy. At the same time, I felt horrible because I was healthy and thinking of us together like I did so many other times and James was dead. It was so confusing—so disturbing. I didn't know what I did to deserve to live when he didn't." Ed's tears rolled down his cheeks, and I had to intervene.

"Love … not living was his choice. He could have lived a long life; he could have been loved and happy. You know people can live many years being positive nowadays. He was not brave enough to handle it. You have nothing to chastise yourself over. Please, stop torturing yourself!" I rocked him back and forth, kissing his head, wondering how I could think he was tricking me back then. He'd been even more broken than I had thought. Now I saw how much he'd grown since then, how much he had worked through. Doctor Clearwater did a great job. I wished we would have stayed longer in Seattle so Ed could continue his treatment with him.

"I know … I know, Jay. It was how I felt then; it's not how I feel now. Don't worry. I'll be okay. It just … memories still move me," he said, pulling away just enough to wipe his eyes. "You don't hate me, do you?"

I loved him so much I couldn't even remember why I could hate him. Oh, yeah. I remember now!

"No, love. I don't hate you. I'm sorry it took so long for me to hug you and get closer the way you needed."

"You were perfect." Edward pulled me down on the bed, cuddling into my side, burying his face in the crook of my neck.

I saw him yawning, and I thanked God for that. I was worn out after the trip, the cab ride from the airport that took ages, the love making and all the emotions all over the place. He seemed to be knackered too.

Soon I heard Edward snoring softly close to my ear. That was music to me and it lulled me to sleep right away. I needed to be up and ready for the interview the next morning.

**XxxxxxxX**

"Hey, Mom! Hey, Dad! How are things?" I spoke on the phone. I had totally forgotten to call them last night. They surely wanted to know how my interview had been, and as soon as Mom answered the phone, she called Dad to get the extension and talk to me too.

"Hey, Son! How was the trip?" I heard Dad ask.

"Long … so goddamned far. I had forgotten."

"So, did Edward like the surprise?" Mom enquired. She was so nosy when it came to Edward!

"He loved it Mom."

I heard him yell behind me, "I FREAKING LOVED IT, MAGGIE!" I don't know if he knew what he was talking about, but he made my mom laugh out loud, and it warmed my heart how well they got along.

Mom had been so supportive about my moving to New York. She truly felt I should be with the man I loved, like she had the man she loved.

"So, how was the interview, kiddo?" Dad didn't waste any time.

"It was great! I'm hired!" And I heard both of them shouting their congratulations excitedly on the other side of the line. I had to pull the phone away from my ear so they wouldn't burst my eardrums.

I felt Edward hold me from behind, his body molding to my back. That always always made me swoon. His chin was on my shoulder, his ear also close to the phone speaker enabling him to listen to my folks too.

"Son! We took the liberty to call Emmett and tell him you moved there. He will be your only family around, and we thought the sooner he knew you were in town, the better."

The news floored me. Emmett was the only reason I could think of for not moving to New York. I would certainly never look for him and would hope to never meet him by chance either. I could never imagine my mom would do such a thing without asking me first. It had been ages since we last had contact with Emmett's mom and dad. They had moved to Miami since his dad's retirement. Neither of our families had spoken since —and for that I was grateful. My parents had no idea about my dealings with Emmett.

I understood her reasons, but ... fucuuuuuck! Pinching the bridge of my nose, I just sighed, creasing my forehead in concern. I hadn't seen Emmett in years. I knew his life had moved on; I had been through therapy and dealt with all the shit he left behind when he dumped me for a girl. I had Edward now and couldn't care less about it anymore, but something felt weird in the pit of my stomach.

"He and Rose want to have you over for dinner! They were pretty excited to have family close to them for once! I've got their phone number right here, and I told them you'd call," Mom completed.

I sighed again just to have my heart squeezed with Edward's question. "Who's Emmett?"

Fuck! I was hoping he couldn't really hear what Mom was saying. I bit my lip and felt guilty for having never told Edward about him. We discussed my few relationships, but not this one. I was ashamed to have had sex with a member of my family and for letting him control my love life for so long, and then dumping me for a girl in the end. I needed to get out of this dinner party. I didn't want to have to tell Edward about Emmett and his bullshit.

"My cousin," I mumbled to Edward.

"Wow! You never said you had family in New York!" he commented excitedly. My head hung low in frustration. I heard Mom on the phone again. "I'm sending you his phone number through text message, okay? Give him a call, I'll let him know I called you."

"Kay, Mom. Now I really gotta go." I didn't feel like chatting anymore. All I wanted was a way out of playing happy family with Emmett and his wife.

"I know, I know. Edward must be all over you ready to celebrate your new job with a hot, steamy …"

"MOM!" I shouted into the phone! What was she thinking? My dad was on the phone too! She always had to be so inappropriate!

"... cup of coffee!" She finished her thought with an evil laugh. Oh, my God! She was incorrigible! I loved her! I'd miss her so much!

I burst out laughing, hearing Edward laughing his ass off.

"Your mom always cracks me up!" he said, bending over. "God, I'm gonna miss her and her wicked sense of humor," he continued, straightening back up and placing his chin on my shoulder again.

"Okay, Mom, alright! Yeah … that's what Edward wants right now—Coffee! Now I gotta go."

"Okay, Son. Talk to you soon. Be careful and take care of Edward," I heard Dad saying. It was funny how protective of Edward they both were.

"Kisses to both of you, kiddo. Tell Edward we miss him already and Esme is planning a trip to help you guys out decorating the apartment."

I saw Edward screwing his face at the news and spoke into the phone, "Tell her to take her time! We are on our honeymoon and still being pretty noisy!" I looked at him flabbergasted with my chin hanging low and 'O' shaped lips.

"Edward!" I mouthed with my eyes open wide like saucers, but Mom and Dad were already laughing madly on the other side of the line!

"I will!" I heard Mom saying before hanging up the phone saying her goodbyes.

As my mom never had filters with me, she never held back around Edward either. Edward always felt comfortable around my folks and apparently also switched his filters off whenever we were all together.

Still lost in thought after talking to my folks, I heard Edward voicing the dreaded request.

"Tell me about this cousin Emmett, Jay. Is he nice? Were you close when you were kids?"

That would be a long talk. A talk I didn't know if I had the strength to endure.

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><p>AN - So! How was it this time? Let me know! The blue button is down there to be used! Thanks a lot for reviewing!


	7. Chapter 7

**Author:** DPD

**Rating:** M for language and guy-on-guy action.

**Pairings:** Edward/Jasper

**Disclaimer:** SM owns it all, but my pervy mind and thoughts.

**Summary: **This is a sad, dark, yet beautiful slash story about Edward, who came to my offices to discuss his past. His partner, James had killed himself. My heart grieved for his loss, until his dark secret was revealed to me. Contains hardcore kink, fetishes, scat play and golden showers. **WARNING**: not for the faint hearted.

**A/N:** This is a slash story. If you are not into man on man sex, walk away. If you are under 18, walk away. There are kinky disturbing images including **paraphilia** like **coprophilia **and **urolagnia**. If you have a weak stomach, walk away. There are plenty of other stories for you to read. This chapter is a little lighter on kink though.

I want to thank my three musketeers Athos, Porthos, and Aramis, and my wizard Merlin for working so hard with me and standing by me all the way. You guys have no idea how great you are!

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><p><strong>NASTY<strong>

Chapter 7

I couldn't make myself tell Edward the truth about Emmett. I was not prepared to meet Emmett so fast, having to face my past and come clean with Edward so soon. All I tried for so many years was to forget about my cousin and our history together. I was not prepared to meet him. The mere thought of having to confess how much of a wimp I was for so many years, letting myself be played by Emmett, accepting sharing him with a girl in a relationship with no respect, consideration or real affection, made me sick to my stomach.

I knew I was young at the beginning, but I also knew that if he hadn't moved away, I would have been trapped in it forever if he'd have had me. The only thing that made me realize things had come to an end was him marrying his girl—that meant he'd chosen her over me and things between us were over.

The rage that was planted within me was so overwhelming it got past hate and became self-loathing for letting myself live that sickening situation. Only when I opted for psychiatry and started therapy, did my doctor help me see things in a different light. It didn't erase any of the feelings I had towards it or him, but it made things easier to adjust to.

I accepted I was younger and let myself be lured by the possibility of having a true relationship with a man who I thought loved me. It made me realize that —unlike me —Emmett couldn't accept his bisexuality —or homosexuality. It was a barrier that was hard to cross, because he was raised to be a masculine jock like his father.

But what I couldn't accept then, and I still couldn't now, was how little respect he'd had for me. He'd treated me like his biggest friend outside the bedroom, but once in the bedroom, he'd become my lover, and as a lover, he'd been a shitty bastard. I'd kept hoping he would change one day and be the nice guy he was around me when we were with our family. It had never happened. I'd learned the hard way that you can't change a person unless they want to be changed. You have to like or accept what you see, or you are doomed from the start.

I ended up only telling Edward what everybody knew; we were cousins that had spent some summers together, and that was it. I was already feeling drained. I dreaded the day I had to talk to Emmett again.

But my mom had asked me to call him, so I would do it.

Edward decided it was a great idea to meet with the family members who lived in here. He said he only knew people from work and his school friends were all out of New York working in different places. He had no idea, and I couldn't make myself tell him the truth. I should have though, that way I wouldn't have to call Emmett or see Emmett for the rest of my life.

On the other hand, maybe things wouldn't be so bad. Emmett was married now. He'd probably matured, maybe had kids. Perhaps we'd be able to stay at the same place, at the same time for a few hours.

Ever the optimist, I had to have faith.

I decided to call the number Mom texted me the very next day, willing it to ring with no answer.

I wasn't that lucky, though.

"Hello," a female voice answered.

"Hi …" It was awkward. "May I speak to Emmett, please?"

"I'm sorry, but he's at work. Who am I talking to?" the voice politely asked.

"Oh … this is Jasper Hale, his cousin. I'm getting in touch with him because I recently moved to New York—"

"I knooooowwwww!" the voice happily yelled, as though we were long lost sorority sisters, cutting me off mid-sentence. "Your mom called us just the other day saying you moved here a few days ago! How are things going? Are you settled in already? Do you have a place to stay? You could always come here and stay with us if you wanted!"

"Thanks …" I was embarrassed by the fact that she was being so warm and friendly when all I wanted was to end the call and run, "but no. I'm settled in. I'm living with my boyfriend at his place, thanks."

"Your boyfriend?" she said in a suggestively amused tone.

"Yes. I'm the blond guy who took a boyfriend to your wedding, remember?" What kind of question was that? Was that the kind of image I wanted her to have of me? The blond boy who took a male date to her wedding and almost gave all the elders at the party a heart attack when he dirty danced with his boy in the middle of the dance floor? What kind of a moron was I?

"Oh, my! I know! I don't think I'd ever seen anything so sexy in my life! That boy was gorgeous! You two were responsible for my best spank bank image for soooo long!"

I was so surprised with how easy it was for her to speak to me like that! I was blushing furiously on my end of the phone line, and she was laughing and having so much fun! Maybe getting to know her wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.

"I'm Rose, by the way," she said as soon as her laughter allowed.

"Hi, Rose, I remember. I'm glad I didn't kill any older members of your family that night."

"Hahahahaha. That was okay. I needed something to cheer me up! Emmett looked like he was going to the gallows instead of getting married! I appreciated the distraction!"

Fuck!

"Okay, I was just checking in, letting you know I'm here—"

"Hey! I'd like you guys to come over for dinner! I wanna know if you still have good taste in men!" She giggled.

"When can you come?" And before I could take a breath, she finished with, "How about tomorrow night?"

The next day would be Saturday. I hadn't thought of spending my first Saturday night in New York at Emmett's.

"I'll talk to Edward and let you know, okay? Thanks a lot for inviting us."

"It was my pleasure. I'll be really happy to have you guys over. Talk to you soon!" And we ended the call.

I was hoping Edward had planned something for our Saturday evening so I could call Rose and tell her we were busy.

No such luck. Edward not only didn't have plans for us, but was really excited about meeting Rose and Emmett.

What a fucking nightmare.

I couldn't act normal for the rest of the day; my palms were in a continuous cold sweat, I couldn't stand being in the empty apartment alone, and I paced back and forth non-stop. Edward was at work, and I started to feel suffocated.

I wished I had said no to Rose from the start.

Friday night I managed to forget all about it in Edward's arms, but as soon as my head hit the pillow and Edward's breathing evened out, I couldn't shut my eyes; I tossed and turned all night.

I pretended I was sleeping when Edward woke up to go to work. He had a rehearsal that morning, and I didn't want to worry him with my concerned look.

When he arrived home, I was a complete mess. I could hardly say hello to him when he walked in calling my name. "Jasper … Jasper, where are you?" he called out as he entered the kitchen. I had my back to the door, and I couldn't move, bracing myself on the kitchen cabinets, supporting my weight. My head was hanging between my shoulders, and I felt my eyes watering.

I had never been so terrified in my life. I couldn't think of anything else. All I could remember was Emmett shaking me by my arms on his wedding day, saying I was a deranged fucker! Saying I couldn't have turned into a fucking fag, rubbing my sick sexual behavior into everybody's faces. I closed my eyes and remembered him cornering me later, his huge form yelling at me right before holding me close and attacking my lips.

"_Don't do this to me!"_ he'd declared. _"You know how much I want you. Come with us to New York." _

I remembered it clearly to this day. I'd freed myself from his arms and stormed out of the room, outraged by his offer, and had never spoken to him again.

I would have to face him. How could I face him? How could I expose Edward to this?

I didn't notice I had started shaking until I felt Edward's firm hands steadying me.

"Love, what's going on?" he cooed, kissing my right cheek.

Love. He called me 'love'.

The word I had been aching to hear him say was still vibrating in the air when I felt my legs giving in as Edward's hands kept me from falling to the floor. I just wanted to curl myself into a ball and disappear.

Why couldn't I tell him the truth?

"Jasper … Love, what's going on? Tell me! Please tell me! You are scaring the shit out of me," he whisper yelled, lowering us both to the floor.

"I'm sorry … I'm sorry … I'm sorry." It was all I could think of; that I was sorry. I was sorry I was falling apart. I was sorry I had him scared. I was sorry I hadn't told him about Emmett.

"What are you sorry for?" he asked, bringing me to his arms, kissing my forehead. "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."

I nodded trying to contradict him. "It is. It is." Edward pulled away and dried my tears with his thumb.

"Tell me. I can handle it. I know I can. You have been acting strange since yesterday. Are you sorry you moved in with me?" It dawned on me then that I was really scaring the shit out of him.

"No!" I interjected, shaking my head no. "It's nothing like that!"

"Then tell me. Nothing could be worse than—"

"I don't wanna go to Emmett's tonight!" I blurted out, looking up to gauge his reaction.

"Why not?" He was patient, and I felt so safe in his embrace, but I had to free myself from his hold. I had been dishonest; I didn't deserve his protection right then.

I sat with my back against the cabinet door, drying some more tears that were sliding down my face. I flushed red at the thought that maybe I was overreacting.

Taking a deep, stuttered breath, I continued, "I … I didn't tell you the whole story about Emmett."

"I'm all ears, love," he said, sitting across from me but close enough to reach me if I needed comfort.

"Emmett was my first … my first one … the first—," That first sentence was hard to get out. I had to close my eyes to steady myself. It was then that I appreciated sitting on the floor.

"I get it, love," he cut me off, noticing I was having a hard time articulating it, "but he is married to a woman now, isn't he?" he asked. I only nodded.

"There's more to it, isn't there?" he said with a knowing vibe.

Nodding, I decided it was time to tell him everything. There was no reason to hide anymore. I was a nervous wreck. There was no way I could go there that night.

So I told him. I told him every fucking thing—even the nastier details. Edward patiently listened in silence to all I had to say, but he inched closer and closer to me as I told him my story. When I was done, Edward straddled me, pulling me even closer to him. His hands were soothing me, sliding up and down my back, his lips softly brushing against my neck and sprinkling me with soft kisses, his hair tickling my face. I felt protected as well as relieved, knowing I had come clean with Edward about that part of my past, and that I wouldn't have to go through a whole evening in Emmett's company.

"Jay, we have to go." I pulled back and looked up at him in disbelief. "We have to. It would be impolite if we didn't. I know everything now, and I doubt something bad will happen. It's been so long since then. He won't have the guts to say anything to you while I'm by your side or in front of his wife. There is nothing to be afraid of. Think of poor Rose preparing dinner. She has no idea, love. Let's go, I promise I won't leave your side, and I'll be super glued to you if I think he's making a move, okay? We go this one time, then never again."

I held onto him the whole day. We lay in bed, made love softly, and watched TV. I was hoping he would fall asleep before it was time to go, because if I had the chance to do it, I would be that childish and not go. However, as soon as I dozed off, Edward stood, waking me up, and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

**XxxxxxxX**

I pressed the button and heard the doorbell ring. I had a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, but nothing as bad as I was feeling before. Edward was with me and aware of the whole story. He wouldn't be caught by surprise in case Emmett tried anything stupid. That was relief enough I supposed.

I heard the noise of someone approaching the door. The footsteps weren't heavy though, so it was probably Rose who was about to answer it.

The door opened, and there she was in all her gorgeous, golden glory with a huge and shiny smile across her face! Rosalie McCarty. She was beautiful!

"Hello! Wow! You look so different!" she said as if she'd known me my whole life. "So much more beautiful than I remember!" She hugged me close, and I already knew Edward would love her for that. If she hugged him, she'd own him just like my mother did.

Letting me go, she looked at Edward and stopped right in her tracks, frozen in time for a few seconds.

Gulping an, "Oh, my!" her chin fell. "You gotta be kidding me!" she said slowly. "You're the Greek God from the New York Orchestra right?" she continued, holding a hand up for him to shake, looking completely entranced by his image.

"Yes, ma'am," he answered with an amused but shy smile and shook her hand.

"Oh, fuck. Come here. Let me make sure you exist!" she pulled him into a hug, earning a beautiful smile that turned into a laugh as she held him.

"Good God, Jasper! You sure know how to pick them—I love your taste in men!" she commented, walking into the apartment and pulling me by the hand. She was so fucking weird. Good weird.

"Emmett! The boys are here!" she yelled into the hallway.

Boys? How old did she think we were?

Crossing through the door, I took in the image ahead of me. The apartment was charming, not very big, but the decor was delicate and soft, all in pale pink and yellow colors with a touch of green. The walls and the painted Provence furniture were white, and the floors were light maple hardwood. Walking in, I felt the fluffiness of the rugs that covered parts of the floor all in the right places.

Rosalie was a woman of taste.

"Come in, sit down! Emmett is coming out soon."

Yeah, right.

Rosalie showed us to a white love seat in the cozy living room, where we sat comfortably before she moved to the lavender pink couch, sitting down excitedly.

As soon as her butt hit the couch, she fired, "I was at the concert the day of your first presentation with the orchestra! How weird is that? You were called up front with a couple of other musicians and introduced to the audience by the Maestro, right?" Edward nodded. "I was impressed! So young and so talented!"

"Do you come to every concert?" Edward enquired.

"Every concert ... I never miss one. Every season I buy tickets for me and the girls. It's amazing. I feel like … like everything is shut out and time stops when I'm watching you guys play."

She closed her eyes for a few seconds as though she was lost in the music and the memory.

"Thanks a lot. It's good to know someone goes there to really watch and listen to us, and not only to socialize," Ed commented, sliding his hand in mine and entangling our fingers.

"I especially remember watching you and thinking the whole time how God was not fair giving such a beautiful man so much talent while others were ugly and unskilled." She laughed again, leaning back on the sofa.

"I was so nervous that night," Edward mused with a nice smile on his face. She'd managed to make him feel at ease, but I was still so tense I could hardly breathe.

I felt Edward squeezing my hand from time to time. It was great to know he was there with me— aware of my feelings―he was talking to her, but was there with me and for me.

"So tell me all about it! When did you meet? How was it? Was it love at first sight?" she asked, moving forward on her seat.

I knew she was trying to be friendly and wanted to make us feel welcomed and comfortable, but I bet she was trying to hide something by firing all those questions at us—offense is the best defense, right?

Edward could sense I was uneasy. He knew she was the one Emmett left me for and how much I was dreading giving out information about us to someone that, even if unaware of the fact, had made me hurt so much. We couldn't judge her or condemn her for marrying Emmett. She'd won a battle she didn't even know she was fighting. Edward rushed to my rescue.

"Are you a shrink, too?" he teased her, laughing as if comfortable with all her questions.

"No! What makes you think that?" she enquired, furrowing her brows and leaning against the back of the couch.

"You sure sounded a lot like Doctor Denali now!" he chuckled.

"Denali? Which Denali? Tanya or Irina?" She went on with the questions, "You know Doctor Denali?" Edward was puzzled.

"I do. I know both of them. Which one are you seeing?" She was really interested, her body leaning forward now.

"Tanya, Doctor Tanya Denali."

"No! That bitch?" she scowled while taking her hands to her hips, and Edward grinned and looked at me as if saying 'I told you'.

"Yeah, why?" he asked, still looking at me instead of Rose.

"That woman shouldn't have a license to practice medicine! She is the most despicable person I know! Irina on the other hand, is one of the best ones there are. I have a friend who was her patient and thinks the world of her!"

"Yeah, when I went to their office, Irina Denali was the one I was looking for, but the waiting list was 'the Oscars red carpet' long, so they asked me if I'd rather start right away with Doctor Tanya Denali. I thought it would be okay. Now I know it's not my imagination, see?" he said, looking at me.

"What do you need a shrink for anyway?" Rose asked, furrowing her brows.

Edward was so full of shit; he side stepped "I don't know. Ask Doctor Hale, here. He is the one who tells me to do it." Rose laughed.

Understanding it was a private matter and he didn't want to talk about it, she changed the subject.

The conversation was flowing and the idea of being friends with Rose started to warm in my heart. She spoke about her tomboyish childhood climbing trees and swimming buck-naked in the lakes around her house. She told us stories about how her brothers Robert and Riley used to scare her mom to death with their antics. She made fun of the fact that all the kids' names started with an R, all because her parents' names were Rita and Rooney.

She let us know Robert was also gay and was now married to Jackson and living in California. She told us all about them working in the movie industry and meeting while working on the same movie. She missed them so much.

When I heard the footsteps on the hardwood floors, my breath hitched. Emmett was approaching, and I had no place to run.

My blood ran cold in my veins when he showed up at the door. His face twisted when his eyes fell on Edward's hand curled around mine. It lasted just a millisecond, but I noticed it. I knew him too well.

"Well hello, cousin! Long time no see!" Emmett faked appreciation to see me.

I stood up and lifted my hand for him to shake, but he came closer and held me instead. It was not a half-hug men generally awkwardly exchange. He really hugged me, both arms squeezing me against him. I felt his nose breathing me in and heard him murmur, "Missed you so much," just for me to hear.

Fuck. What was going on in his head?

Edward stood up, and they shook hands. I introduced Edward to him as my partner, not a mere boyfriend. I wish I could have said my husband, and I was sorry we were not there yet.

Sitting back down, I noticed Edward, in a protective move, circled an arm around my back, pulling me closer to him. I felt like just laying my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes and drifting off away from there, but I didn't.

I noticed no tender interaction between the couple on the sofa. They were sitting as far apart as they could. They hardly ever exchanged a look or a touch, but both participated on the chat we were having.

Soon Rose's roast was ready, and we entered the nicely decorated dining room.

The fact they had no children also caught my attention. The house didn't look … lived in, like a house with children would. They never mentioned any kids either.

After telling family stories and having a couple of glasses of wine, we were done with our meal, we all stood up when Rose started cleaning. We offered to help her, but Emmett blurted out, "Do you like football, Edward?" Ed just screwed his face in an evasive move.

"I figured," Emmett answered with a chuckle. "Hey Jasper, come with me to the media room, I wanna show you something."I looked at Edward in panic. His body moved to follow us, but I saw Rose's hand holding his arm while she murmured, "It's okay," and Edward stayed there, worry flooding his eyes as fear flooded mine.

I didn't want to make a scene. Other than the odd hug, I really had no reason to believe Emmett wouldn't behave once alone with me, so I didn't wait for Edward. I manned up and walked behind Emmett to the media room.

As soon as I was in, Emmett closed the door in a swift movement, making absolutely no sound. Noticing the door was closed, I couldn't move away when Emmett's body pinned me to the wall behind me. His nasty breath mixed with the smell of the wine he drank made me wanna puke. I wished I had.

He would have been pissed, but I would be free from him.

Forcing his lips against mine, I pressed my mouth closed as hard as I could and didn't allow him to breach them. I turned my head to the left, trying to dodge his advance.

I lowered my face and pushed against him, trying to free myself from his hold. As he was peppering kisses on my face and licking my neck with that filthy sandpaper like tongue, I heard him say, "I knew you would find your way back to me. I just knew it."

The repulsion I felt for him at that moment gave me the strength to push him away and rush to the other side of the room.

"What makes you think that, you son of a bitch!" I yelled.

Emmett's face was twisted in a scowl. With lust in his eyes and disgust on his lips, he yelled back at me, "No matter how much you resist, how much you yell at me … the room is soundproofed! No one will hear you! I know you want ME! I know you came for ME! Trying to pull the same old stunt again, huh? Showing up here with a boyfriend to try and make me jealous! You know what? It worked! And this time you'll get the prize you came for!"

Emmett launched himself at me, but I was faster and dodged him again.

"You are INSANE! I HATE you, Emmett! I HATE you for what you did to me! I hate you for being the LIAR you are! I HATE you for doing to Rose what you are doing now!"

"How dare you! How dare you speak about my wife! How dare you bring that FAIRY you are fucking into MY HOUSE, rubbing your FILTHY habits in MY family's face!"

God! That was surreal! I felt like sitting on the couch and laughing 'cause I knew things would be bad, but this? This was ridiculous! Fairy? Doesn't he have a different, more original way of trying to hurt me than by cursing my boyfriend?

"Fairy? Is that the best you got? That 'fairy' out there is the love of my life, and there's nothing you can do about that! I still don't understand what you want with me, because I'm as much of a fairy as he is."

"Fuck you, Jasper! You and I both know you are nothing like him! You are all man, and I know it! I know fucking a tight ass is freaking awesome, but you can't bring a fag like that to our ho me!" Emmett paused for a second, scratched his head and went on, "Could he be more queer with that ridiculous beret, sitting on the sofa like a school girl, curled around you like a snake? And at dinner! Fuck! Did he have to squeeze your cock every five minutes? What a slut …"

"He squeezed my leg, Emmett. He was showing me support, knowing what I was facing here today," I said impatiently; my voice was hard and cold.

"You got no idea how uncomfortable you made me feel in my own place! How dare you show up in here with a piece of shit like that? Don't you know those are nasty habits we only indulge out on the streets?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. His sentences weren't making sense. He sounded deranged, and to coin a phrase psychiatrists shouldn't use, 'had a screw loose'.

"Emmett, listen to yourself! Nasty habits? Is that what you think I have with him? A nasty habit was what YOU AND I had … there was no love, no feelings … only mindless, meaningless fucking!" My voice was a bit lower this time, but so was the blow, and I think it hit Emmett stronger than anything.

Emmett fell to his knees in front of me but didn't touch me. With his head hanging low, his hands were pulling his hair from his face.

"I love you. I always loved you. I made a mistake and married Rose. I know I'm a selfish son of a bitch, and we could have been together this whole time, but …"

I was curious. I thought he was bluffing. I thought he was trying to bullshit me again with the story that he loved me, but according to him, two men weren't supposed to admit to that in public because it's unnatural.

"But what?" I demanded.

"I wanted to know what married life would be like. I would never be able to have that with you. We would have to hide for life, and I wanted to know what having a spouse would feel like, double dating with other couples, attending family gatherings. Rose loved me. I took my chance."

"I don't get it. Why wouldn't you be able to have any of that with me?"

Rage found its way back into him, and he stood up, pushing me against the bookcase behind me hard enough to knock some objects from it to the floor, yelling, "BECAUSE I'M NOT A FUCKING FAG! I NEVER LOVED ANY OTHER MAN IN MY LIFE! JUST YOU! I CURSED YOU EVERY FUCKING DAY OF MY MOTHERFUCKING LIFE! YOU RUINED ME!"

Again he crashed his lips to mine, taking me by surprise this time. I tasted the bitterness of his breath and meat and wine. My stomach churned, and before I threw up all over him, I bit his tongue, making him let go of me immediately, shouting, "FUCK! What do you think you're doing?" He asked, taking his hand to his mouth, trying to assess the damage.

"Emmett, can you be so stupid as not to take the hint? I LOVE Edward! I came here for HIM!" I yelled, thinking maybe then he'd listen.

"You are delusional!" he barked, laughing. "I know you are insane to have my cock inside that tight ass of yours! I know you must be sick and tired of only fucking that queer all the time and want some of my meat back inside you!"

It was my turn to laugh. And I did it as loudly as I could!

"You really think I fuck Edward?" I asked amused, trying to stop myself from laughing even more.

Walking menacingly towards him and now sporting a nasty scowl on my face, I said it as slowly and clearly as I could, pronouncing every word to perfection so I made sure he'd listen and finally get the message.

"Edward fucks me every single day and every single night. He drills into me like a champ. He makes me writhe and scream his name and plead for more every single time he's moving inside me! I can't get enough of him, and if it weren't for my mother, I would be home now, in bed with him, with his cock up my ass instead of here looking at your disgusting face!"

I admit, this time it was below the belt, but I didn't know what else to do. He was still the screwed up, selfish boy I met all those years ago, hadn't grown up at all, and hadn't learnt anything as far as I could see.

Emmett didn't say a word. He was as still as a rock, standing right in front of me, his face pale as snow. I did what I had to do. He needed to understand.

I circled him and headed to the door. I looked back as I opened it, and he was still standing looking at the bookcase, frozen in place.

I went to the kitchen, saw that Edward and Rose were finished cleaning up and invited him to go home, saying Rose looked tired and could use some rest.

Rose walked us to the door, and after Edward walked outside, she held me by the hand, making me look back at her.

"I'm sorry," she said, hanging her head and looking at the floor, "I needed to make sure." A wave of panic took over me.

I felt Edward come up behind me and squeeze my hand. "It's okay, love. She already knew it. I'll tell you everything. Now come on, let's go," he said, pulling me back out to the hallway.

I kissed Rose on the cheek and mouthed 'I'm sorry, too' to her.

As we waited for the elevator, Edward held me in his arms and sighed as he kissed my head.

"It's okay. You did great. And you did it all by yourself."

"Did you hear us?" I asked, pulling away a bit.

"Yeah … we did. Rose and I were at the door."

"What?" How the hell had they cleaned up and listened? Fuck, they were quick.

Edward squeezed me close again. "I'll explain later, when we're at home."

Fuck, now I was embarrassed.

Walking into the elevator, he chuckled. "You got me hard saying those things to him."

My Edward was really a filthy boy, and I loved him for it.

"You're joking, right?" I asked, grinning like an idiot. Edward picked up my hand and took it to his crotch. He was hard as a rock.

Palming his erection got me instantly hard too. Edward noticed and pulled me closer, grinding his cock against mine through the thin fabric of our dress pants.

"The cameras," I mumbled before he crashed his lips to mine.

The elevator hit the ground floor, and instead of pulling me towards the door, Edward pulled me by my hand deeper inside the building apparently looking for something. Trying every door, he looked like a man on a mission.

Was he doing what I thought he was doing?

Soon he found an unlocked door. Opening it slowly and sneaking a peek inside, he made sure there was no one there before pulling me in.

Pinning me to the nearest wall, he kicked the door shut with his foot and molded his body to mine, kissing around my neck to my shoulders and up to my ear, saying, "I'm gonna fuck you right here, love."

I trailed my eyes to the door and saw there was no key to lock it.

"There's no key," I cooed.

"Even better," he said, spinning me around and fumbling with the buckle of my belt. "I'd love it if someone got in here and saw me balls deep in your ass, making you writhe and moan my name."

I moaned at that image, and as much as I thought I would be limp by now with the thought of being caught, I was surprised to feel my cock fill even more.

Then my pants were down at my ankles. I heard Edward spitting as his left hand parted my cheeks, and his spit-lubed fingers moistened my hole, and then his cock breached my ring.

I pushed my ass against him, showing him I wanted nothing more than for him to pound inside of me fast and hard, giving me nothing less than he promised.

He took the hint. My man was fucking brilliant!

I braced myself on the wall, and Edward ravished me with his cock, his hands, his lips, teeth and tongue, slamming into me furiously, his hand tugging on my cock at the same rhythm he fucked me.

"Oh, fuck, love … How the fuck can you be so sexy? I can hardly hold my come inside me. So warm … so tight around my cock … so beautiful in my hand."

With these last words, he pushed the come out of me. I screamed his name together with all the gasps and moans and grunts that involuntarily came out of my lips as my come stripes covered the floor, and my ass clenched around his cock.

"That's it love, milk that cock, baby," he urged as he plundered my ass even harder."UNGH, shoot everything you've got."

His hips were pounding quicker than a jackhammer and becoming erratic with the quick slap of balls on ass. "Holy fuck! Gonna come!" The strain and effort present in his voice was like a champagne cork ready to pop. I felt it pop ... Edward released his own form of champagne inside of me, hitting my walls. His legs were trembling with the strength of his orgasm. I moved my right hand behind his right thigh as a way to help him stand; he leaned forward and rested his body against my back, still thrusting into me slowly.

"You okay, love?" I asked over my shoulder.

He grunted a, "Yeah … need to recover."

His breathing was fast, and his chest was heaving. I smirked, thinking how strong our connection was.

Soon I felt him kneeling down behind me. I tried turning around to check on him, but he held me in place by my hips. Spreading my legs wider, Edward placed himself between them.

What was he doing?

I could feel his come sliding down my right leg, and it looked like he was watching it happen.

I gazed down curiously, and he said, "This is so sexy, love … my essence running down your legs." I gasped at the sight of his tongue darting out of his mouth to capture his milky seed, licking up my leg until it reached my hole, swirling it there a few times before moving away.

I felt my cock filling again. I bent over so I could watch him at a better angle. As soon as another stripe of his come slid down, his tongue cleaned it up, caressing my hole as he reached it. He did it over and over again, and every time I felt his tongue sliding up my leg to my hole, I had to hold my balls. I was so close to coming again it was painful.

Between a lick and another, Edward instructed, "Stroke your cock … but let me know when you're gonna come."

Edward knelt behind me, spreading my cheeks apart. I felt his tongue gathering his come from inside me, over and over, thrusting into me, and then bringing his seed back into his mouth.

God that felt so incredible it was hard for me to breathe! Two more tugs on my cock and I was ready.

"I'm gonna come!" I said hurriedly. Edward spun me around and engulfed my cock as his middle finger slid into me, rubbing on my prostate.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck ... Oooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, daaaaaaaamn …" I grunted as I emptied my cock inside his willing mouth. It was too much; too much to feel, so strong a sensation. I slid down the wall, pulling my over-sensitive cock from Edward's lips, and sat on the floor.

Edward, who was crouching at this moment, crawled on top of me, supporting his weight on his knees and left hand. With his right one, he pulled me to him, sprinkling kisses all around my face, lingering a bit longer on my lips.

With his forehead touching mine, he looked down and commented, chuckling , "What a mess we made."

"Yeah. Next time make sure we bring condoms … maybe the mess can be avoided." I grinned at him.

"Condoms?" he asked, twisting his face, but then he thought better of it and completed, "Yeah, maybe that's a good idea. And some lube packs too. Wait a minute! Next time?"

I nodded, blushing.

Edward's smile was shining as bright as the moon. He stood up, tucked himself in, and offered me a hand, pulling me up too; then he dressed me and took me home.

**XxxxxxxX**

Arriving home, Edward prepared us a bath. God knows how much I needed it. I was feeling so weak after all the emotions of the day.

It felt good standing up for myself and shooing Emmett out of my life. Maybe it was even better that it was sooner rather than later. I felt like I had passed through an exorcism session, but from now on, I wouldn't have to worry about meeting him anywhere. I'd just pretend I didn't know him.

Edward climbed into the tub and lay there with his back leaning on the bathtub's wall, offering me his hand so I could climb in and lie on his chest.

It felt so good, just lying there with him. Grabbing a sponge, Edward lathered and caressed me with it. It felt like he was washing away all that was left from the day.

"They are separated, you know?" he started, letting me know about Emmett and Rose.

"When you two went inside, she held me back saying she was sorry, but there was something she needed to know. She pulled me to the kitchen, where apparently she had left everything almost spotless and all that was left to clean were the plates we ate from. As she was washing them, she told me they were separated. She said things had been going down the drain for a long time. They had tried getting pregnant, thinking maybe they needed children to have a real family. After trying for a while, they discovered Emmett was infertile."

"Wow," was all I could say.

"Then we heard a noise and virtually ran to the media room's door, but she wouldn't let me in. We heard everything through the door, love. Sorry I didn't walk in to help you. I could tell you weren't in any real danger by the tone of your voice and felt this was something you had to do on your own, otherwise you would have asked for help," he said, kissing my temple.

He knew I needed to do deal with it by myself. All I needed was for him to be there for me, not to protect me, but to support me, and he was.

Thinking about it, I offered, "If you had come in, things would have gotten ugly … we would probably be in jail right now," and we both laughed. We were laughing our relief.

"Rose is a great girl, love; a great girl in a tough situation." All the while, Edward caressed my skin with his hands; my arms, my sides, my stomach and chest.

"Yeah … I guess."

A few more minutes and the water was cold. We got out of the tub and went to our room where Edward picked up the cream and cooed, "Love, lie on your stomach, please."

So I did, and in a caring gesture, Edward opened the cream tube, pouring some on his fingers and spread it on and around my puckered hole, afraid it was sore from earlier.

Rolling to my side, I watched Edward lying down and pulling me closer to him. We were chest to chest, my face buried in the crook of his neck, when I heard him humming my song in my ear, lulling me to sleep.

Life was perfect.

Finally.

**XxxxxxxX**

Sunday morning.

We heard the buzz of the intercom ringing in the kitchen. Edward jogged there and picked it up, while I lay on the pillows on the living room rug, enjoying my bowl of Fruit Loops with milk for breakfast.

Jogging back, he passed by me and went straight to the door, advising over his shoulder, "It's Rose … she's coming up."

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><p><strong>AN** – Now, what the hell is Rose doing at the boy's place? Hope Ed had time for his morning protein shake! LOL

Well peeps, please show me some love… I've been in need for some. RL has been kicking my ass and apparently it won't stop so soon. Good that I feel more and more like writing when I feel everything else in RL is out of place as it is now! I still got 2 chaps with beta and pre-reader, so show me your love and maybe I'll show some back too in my replies! *winks* Ohhhhh BTW, have you noticed I replied EVERYSINGLEREVIEW this time AGAIN? Yeyyyyy I'm beginning to get good at this! *pats herself on the shoulder grinning like a fool*

Talk soon… Oh! Don't forget―blue button down there!


	8. Chapter 8

**Author:** DPD

**Rating:** M for language and guy-on-guy action.

**Pairings:** Edward/Jasper

**Disclaimer:** SM owns it all, but my pervy mind and thoughts.

**Summary: **This is a sad, dark, yet beautiful slash story about Edward, who came to my offices to discuss his past. His partner, James had killed himself. My heart grieved for his loss, until his dark secret was revealed to me. Contains hardcore kink, fetishes, scat play and golden showers. **WARNING**: not for the faint hearted.

**A/N:** This is a slash story. If you are not into man on man sex, walk away. If you are under 18, walk away. There are kinky disturbing images including **paraphilia** like **coprophilia **and **urolagnia**. If you have a weak stomach, walk away. There are plenty of other stories for you to read. This chapter is a little lighter on kink though.

You guys have no idea what I have been putting my three musketeers Athos, Porthos, and Aramis, and Merlin through! Some really hard-to-read stuff came (and are still coming) their way! I truly need to thank my Beta team for working and enduring so much and for standing by me like this. You guys rock my F*ing world!

D'Artagnan has made our boys another banner! If you wish to check it out, go to http : / / dpdealer . tumblr . com (remember to remove the spaces). This one has some steamy under-Ed's-piano scene!

**Now, let's get started!**

* * *

><p><strong> NASTY<strong>

**Chapter 8**

Sunday morning I woke up to the warm feeling of Edward's breath fanning my neck, his right arm lying lazily on my chest, his right leg across my hip, and his foot hooked behind my knee.

It was such a wonderful feeling waking up on an idle Sunday just lying in bed for as long as we wanted; no need to rush to start the day and go to work.

I missed that.

The feeling of being complete when I was with Edward like that was intoxicating. It seemed like forever would never be long enough to be with him.

Last night he was amazing. I had always been the one to care for his needs so far, and I wondered if he would step up once I needed him.

I was not gonna lie―I was a little disappointed at him for not following me when Emmett called me to the media room.

But now I was sure he'd done the right thing. Had he come with me, I would've never witnessed what I did―Emmett's violent outburst caused by him finding out about my relationship with Edward, his remaining strong denial regarding his sexuality, his disrespectful and aggressive remarks, and his admission to his delusional ideas that I still wanted him and came to New York after him.

I chuckled at the memory of him calling Ed a 'fairy'―that single word snapped me out of the terrified state I was in, enabling me to evaluate the situation completely detached from it.

Aside from his sometimes-eccentric choices for outfits―like the black beret he wore last night―Edward was anything but girly or effeminate. When we were alone, he relaxed a little and his movements were a bit lighter, especially his arms and hands, but I knew for a fact that had to do with him being a pianist since I'd observed Seattle Orchestra's older pianist―who happened to be straight― making the same movements during a chat with Edward and the maestro.

Emmett's hateful words against Edward fueled my rage, giving me the strength I needed to vomit all the hurt and anger he had sown in my heart.

FUCK! Remembering last night, it suddenly dawned on me―how have I been so stupid?

All this time since I met Edward, I have been so concerned with the damages caused in his life by his relationship with James, better said, caused by James.

I had never considered, until now, how much my relationship with Emmett had screwed me up. I could say I had overcome a lot of issues but one was safely locked in a corner of my mind, and it hadn't been opened for discussion ever since―topping.

Now I felt so silly and stupid!

Of course I loved bottoming! The overwhelming sensations of being topped was all I wanted in bed―the feeling of the other guy's cock slipping in and out of me, my prostate being rubbed by it, his hand stroking my cock … dear God!

Of course my first time was horrendous! I was not physically, psychologically, or even emotionally prepared for it. And to top it all, the man whom I had sex with for the first time was that feral being that growled his sudden love for me last night; the man who tried to force me into a relationship with him against my will.

I wondered now if I would have bottomed first if my relationship had been with a different person. It wasn't like I'd always been into beefy tops my whole life. Emmett-types of guys were all I ran away from once we were over. I've never had a boyfriend like him since.

Bottoming was not something I decided on my own. When I was with Emmett―and we were together for a very long time―it was not like I really had a choice. Topping him was never a matter he was willing to discuss.

After that, it was just natural that I'd bottom, since I'd learned to like it so much.

Edward asked me if I'd top him if he ever wanted to bottom for me, and I said no. I said no for more than one reason, but I shouldn't have worried so much about how a first time might hurt. All I had to do was be really careful and loving, concerned about my boy's needs, and try to make him feel good despite the initial pain. It was not like he'd never bottomed before.

James was the second reason why I worried about the day he asked me to top him. Not really James, but their fall-out after he topped Edward. I'd be worried the same thing would happen between us. I knew he was different now, but would his feelings about bottoming be different too?

God! I knew how good a moist, warm mouth felt while sucking on my dick. I wondered how having my cock swallowed by the heat of Edward's tight, puckered hole would feel. I shivered at that thought. Would he feel as good as I felt when he was inside me?

My musings were interrupted by a sleepy Edward sliding down my body, settling between my legs, and nuzzling under my balls.

"I need my Sunday morning protein shake, love," he mumbled lazily before lapping his tongue from my scrotum to the tip of my cock, wrapping it between his lips in a swift movement, sucking on it all the way down, and making me impossibly harder!

Jesus Christ! He was getting better at it every time!

**XxxxxxxX**

Now what the hell was Rose doing here on Sunday at … shit! It was noon already! I stood up from the pillows that constituted our make-do couch and went straight to the bedroom, bringing my bowl of fruit loops with me―I needed to put something on. I didn't really think Rose would enjoy seeing me wearing only my Superman underwear.

When I walked back, I found them in the kitchen. Rose already had a mug of coffee in front of her while sitting on one of the benches at the island.

"Morning, Rose!" I said as I walked in and met her for a peck on the cheek, her eyes showing remorse or something of the sort.

"Morning Jasper, I'm sorry for last night," she said lowering her head. Poor woman. What happened to me was nothing compared to what that meant to her.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for, Rose. In fact, I gotta thank you. I needed that," I said, pouring a cup of coffee for myself. Edward watched with curious eyes, while sipping his own cuppa.

"Thanks. You are lovely, you know that? What I did though, has no excuse, I just … Damn. I needed to know why, you know?" she asked, looking at me sincerely.

"Know why what?" I was confused.

"Well … while we were dating, way back, I always knew Emmett was different. It was how he looked at me, or how he didn't look at me and should have. I won't tell you all the details, but things in the bedroom with him were different from what my friends raved about with their boyfriends. I had never known anything different so …" she said, sighing. "On our wedding day I noticed something was wrong. Emmett was furious about something I couldn't really pinpoint. Now I feel so silly I didn't spot it at that time." She'd poured some more sugar in her coffee and started stirring it with a spoon.

"Emmett kept complaining about the cousin who decided to show the world he was queer by bringing a boyfriend to our wedding. I thought he was trying to aim his anger at that fact when he was really mad at someone else, maybe an ex-girlfriend. Only the day your mom called us, I saw the same anger flooding his eyes."

Rose sent me an apologetic look while taking a sip of her coffee and continued, "I needed to know for sure," she said, pursing her lips, her eyes small and regretful.

"Did it make it any easier knowing? I mean … You know he is gay, or bi, right?" I asked her honestly.

"I know, and now I really think he has never stopped fucking men while we were together all this time. In fact, I think he has a boyfriend in the club, a football player. I thought he was screwing a secretary or something, but there has been this guy calling the apartment almost every day for a while now. Emmett is very secretive when he picks up his calls. "

I couldn't help feeling angry at him again. Why do that to his wife?

"We are separated now, and soon he'll be out of my house and my life. I just wished he'd been honest with me, that's all." She looked defeated.

I couldn't help myself. I crossed the space between us and hugged her. She needed that, and I'd learned from Edward sometimes it's all we need―a touch, a hug.

Rose cried softly for a little while, and I let her go when she was feeling better.

"Still," she continued, "I had no excuse."

"It's okay. It's over now," I soothed. God, I wished she could have the chance I did of having someone as wonderful as Edward in her life.

"Enough with the heavy!" I heard Edward say animatedly as he picked up our dirty mugs and took them to the sink shooing us to the living room.

After a while, Rose felt more comfortable around us, and we went back to having a good time again.

She spent quite a long time with us that Sunday, and I was glad she did. We cooked lunch together and ate sitting around the island in the kitchen as we talked about everything and nothing at all.

She was awesome! Edward couldn't stop laughing at her jokes, and soon we felt as if we were all a real family. She promised to help us decorate the apartment, but Edward made her also promise she wouldn't bring any girly shit to our place like she had in hers. To that request she laughed and said she promised she'd try.

When Rose finally left, at around six in the evening, Edward had a huge smile on his face. Holding me from behind and nuzzling on my neck, he said, "That was fun. I think we should keep her." I turned in his arms and kissed him. Damn, I'd so missed his lips on mine.

**XxxxxxxX**

God, this feels so great! Being able to be with him again, laughing and telling each other stories. After some quiet time together having some popcorn, watching a movie, and cuddling on the mattress in our bedroom, Ed remembered, "Hey … did you have all the milk with your cereal this morning?" he asked, kissing my neck at the end of his question.

"I don't think so. There's another box under the sink I guess," I answered.

"I'm gonna go check. I think I opened the last box last night," he stood up and padded to the kitchen.

He was such a baby. He had to have milk at almost every meal.

Now I felt guilty. Maybe I'd had all the milk.

Edward came back from the kitchen and picked his jeans from the floor putting them on while saying, "Love, I'm gonna go to the grocery store to buy some more milk. We're really out. Do you need anything?"

"No, I wanna go with you … I need to learn where everything is around here." Edward knelt down on the mattress close to me to kiss my cheek.

"No, love. Let's do that tomorrow when it's daylight, and we can take our time. I'm just gonna grab some milk and rush back home. Keep the bed warm for me, will ya?" he said, standing up and walking out the door.

As soon as I heard the front door closing, I saw Edward's cell phone on the floor next to our mattress. He'd be back for it for sure. He never left without it. I got dressed, determined to go with him once he came back for his phone.

Walking towards the door, already expecting him to come back, I heard the doorbell ringing.

Damn it. I guessed he forgot his keys too.

Not even looking through the peephole, sure it was Ed on the other side, I turned the doorknob open and didn't even have the chance to open the door.

I felt it being heaved open from the outside. As I was shoved back by the strength it was being pushed open with, I saw Emmett coming in like a bulldozer.

FUCK! What the fuck was he doing here?

"Emmett, what do you think you're doing?" I shouted at him.

"Need to talk to you," he said in a completely drunken voice, hands on his head shoving his hair back, making a mess out of it while walking around restless.

"I've got nothing to talk to you about. I need you to leave," I said in a much calmer voice, as I held the door open and trying to contain my wishes to just throw him out.

"I know your pansy boy isn't home. I saw him leaving," he stated with a scowl.

"If you wanna stay and talk you gotta respect Edward; this is HIS home. He's coming back soon, and I'm willing to call the police on your sorry ass if you don't keep your prejudice at bay and be civil for once in your fucking life!" My voice was demanding and loud, I was not kidding around.

At that threat, Emmet turned into mush, sinking to the floor and mumbling stuff I couldn't understand. I closed the door, frustrated with myself that I didn't make him leave immediately.

"What now?" I demanded, still standing far away from him and crossing my arms in an unwelcoming gesture.

He looked up at me and started his speech.

"Jasper … I love you. I've always loved you and … and I tried! I tried being a good husband for Rose. I tried forgetting you so bad …"

Did he think he was flattering me saying he tried to forget me that badly? He must be really drunk ... or really stupid. I didn't interrupt. I'd give him some more rope so he could hang himself with it.

"…I wanted to be different, but you know me. You, above everyone else, knows me. I need to be with you 'cause you understand what I need and want. You take care of my needs and were always so good at it."

Could he hear himself? Could he listen and understand what he was saying? I think I could label his speech as "The Selfish Closeted Gay Man's Confession." He was such a screw up.

"I never fucked … I mean, made love to anyone and felt as good as I felt with you and … and I want that back! I want it all back! Your friendship, your love … I want it all back! You're here now! That must be the cosmos conspiring in my favor!"

"Enough with the bullshit, Emmett!" I had to shut him up.

"The cosmos working my ass! I came to New York to be with Edward. You cannot barge into our lives and think you have the right to disrupt what we have with your occasional tantrums! I wonder what the fuck you're doing here when Rose told us you've already got a boyfriend! Can't you be loyal … even to him?"

Emmett was still on his knees shaking his head non-stop while listening to me.

"I don't fucking care what you did or didn't do to forget about me, or be happy some other way. I know I forgot about you a long time ago! I wanna have NOTHING to do with you, and you NEED to get that through your thick skull once and for all! You need to grow up, Emmett, or you will end up hurting whoever is around you forever!"

As I was speaking, he stood up and started taking his pants off.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing Emmett?" Did he think he was gonna convince me by showing me his dick? That would be funny.

"Put your pants back on, Emmett! Don't be ridiculous!" I shouted at him.

Shoving his boxers down now, he turned around and spoke, "If that's what it'll take to have you back, I'm willing to do it. You can fuck me, Jasper … I'm all yours to take." Emmett bent over the pillows on the floor, his round white ass pointed at me.

Jesus Christ! He must have been really drunk.

I was patient. I felt sorry for him. He had nothing. He was nothing special and had nothing to give anyone. Maybe some pleasure with that huge cock of his, but nothing else.

"Emmett, stand up, get dressed, and leave. This is ridiculous. Nothing you do will ever make me change my mind."

He shook his head no against the pillows, saying, "Not unless you take me."

I kept trying.

"Edward will be home soon, and I don't think you want him to see you like this."

He shook his head no again.

"Emmett…"

As I started again, I heard the key in the lock, and I started laughing. Edward would come inside and find Emmett with his naked ass in the air, and I didn't know why, but it made me laugh! It was disrespectful towards Emmett, I know. I couldn't help it, though.

As the door flew open, Edward's eyes widened, and he flushed in fury.

"What the fuck is going on here?" he asked, shoving the door closed. He saw me laughing and looked puzzled.

"Emmett needs some help with his pants. You think you can help him?" I asked him, chuckling. It was all I could manage to say. I needed Edward to know I was okay and that there was no danger. I wouldn't approach Emmett anyway―I'd stood across the room the whole time.

My amusement with the scene before me didn't affect Edward, though. He was still angry and seething. His whole body tensed up, his eyes blazing as he yelled, "Who the FUCK do you think you are coming to MY house uninvited? Get the hell up, get dressed and GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!" he growled, pulling Emmett up by his shirt.

Edward was right. Emmett had no right and, no matter how drunk he was, there was no excuse.

Emmett returned to his knees but refused to stand up.

"You don't let him top you, do you?" he asked Edward, and that caught us both by surprise. Edward stared at me with a 'what the fuck?' look. I shrugged and remembered I'd told Emmett I bottomed for Edward and not the other way around, but I never said he wouldn't bottom for me the other night. I shook my head no at Ed and walked closer to him. He lifted a hand, palm facing me to halt my movements, so I stopped.

"That's none of your fucking business," Edward leaned down to say it really close to Emmett's face, his voice menacing. "Now you will get up, pull those fucking pants up and get the fuck OUT!"

Standing up and doing what Edward told him―I was impressed, since, to my knowledge, he'd never accepted orders from anyone, Emmett snarled, "I'm leaving, alright. But I bet Jas is coming after me as soon as I close that door."

"Don't hold your breath," I retorted.

"And when he does, he'll know what a REAL man can do for him … He'll give up on your pansy ass!" Emmett completed, looking down at Edward.

I saw it all in slow motion; Edward's right arm pulling back, his elbow in the air behind him, his hand balled into a fist flying forward now, hitting Emmett's face so hard he stumbled back, falling to the floor, landing on his ass.

"You son of a bitch!" Edward yelled, shaking his hand at the sharp pain from the hit. "You think you're a MAN? You … are a disgusting RAT! Not only for what you did to Jasper, but for what you did to Rose too! You stupid SHIT! You are a LIAR! You are disloyal and disrespectful!" he kept yelling at Emmett, who was still on the floor, wiping his face with the back of his hand. I felt so proud of my man looking at his fierce posture yelling at the sobering bear.

"You are a FUCKING FAG, and you're not even man enough to admit it! Being a MAN is far from only having a cock and using it! It takes character, and you've got NONE! You are a pile of muscles with no values that thinks you can use people you claim to love!" Emmett stood up slowly, looking at Edward through his lashes with a scowl. Edward continued, "Don't you EVER show your face here again! Don't you EVER come looking for Jasper again, do you hear me?"

"And what makes you think that's what he wants?" Emmett growled. Edward looked at me and answered his question with so much love in his eyes, his voice soft as a caress; my heart melted into a pile of goo.

"Because I love him for real! He knows how much I do, and I show him exactly how much whenever I can, however I can, wherever I can. I ask nothing back. I take whatever he wants to give me. Maybe you should learn to do the same."

He looked back at Emmett and yelled one last time, "Now get the fuck out!"

I saw Edward move the fingers of the hand he had punched Emmett with, and by his expression, it hurt. Emmett didn't notice, though. He was already walking to the door, looking at me, maybe waiting for me to stop him. Soon he acknowledged I agreed with Edward, taking in my eyebrows furrowed at him.

I walked to the door, opened it and waited for him to leave. He stopped at the threshold one more time, raising his eyes to mine. I held his gaze with the same serious expression I did the first time, and he finally left.

Closing the door, I rushed to Edward, his arms opening for me to hug him.

"Thanks, love," I mumbled against his neck.

Edward held me tight, arms around my shoulders, his left hand pulling my head closer to him.

"Listen to me," he urged, speaking close to my ear. "You know I've never asked anything but for you to love me, right?" I nodded against his shoulder. "I'm gonna ask you one thing, just this once, okay?" I nodded again.

"Just this one thing I need, I really need … from you." He made me shiver to my bones with his words and his breaking voice. "I can't wait any longer. And I don't want it from anyone else but you." A chill ran up and down my spine as he kissed my neck.

I knew what he'd ask me.

Pulling my head back by my hair, looking deep into my eyes with those glistening emeralds that made my heart almost stop, he murmured, "I need you to make love to me."

Locking his lips to mine fiercely, his tongue dove into my mouth. The kiss was demanding and bruising; his teeth grazed my lips and skin, and I could feel him biting my tongue as he growled, gasped and moaned. His left hand pulling me closer than the laws of physics should allow.

Soon I felt his right fist pulling up my shirt, and his lips leaving mine in a moan of pain.

"Ouuuuuuch! FUCK!" he shouted with his face all screwed up, his left hand quickly grabbing his right wrist, his torso bending over in pain.

I held him up, trying to offer some support, but I had to lower him to sit on the floor because I noticed he was still hurting like a bitch and standing up would be a challenge for him at that moment.

"Baby, we need to take you to the E.R. We need to have your hand checked," I cooed.

"FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" He growled some more.

"I'm gonna go grab my wallet and cell phone, and I'll be right back," I said, trying to check on him, but he was looking down at his wrist and all he could do was nod.

**XxxxxxxX**

Arriving at the hospital, Edward was taken inside by a nurse. I sat in the waiting room worried. His hand had swollen a lot during the cab ride, and I wondered if it was broken or something.

As soon as he came outside, I noticed his frustrated face. I walked towards him, not waiting for him to come to me.

"How is it, love? Not broken, right?" I asked, touching his hands carefully.

Shaking his head no, he answered, "Don't think so. I had it x-rayed, but I need to wait 'til the results are ready to go see the doctor again."

My boy sounded so blue. I had to take him in my arms in a comforting hug.

"Sorry you had to do that, babe." I kissed his temple.

"Jay, I didn't have to. I did it 'cause I was crazed thinking about how he cornered you last night. He deserved it." I held him even closer.

"I just wish I wasn't a fucking queer, hurting myself while punching that bastard."

I pushed him back by his shoulders and made him look at me. "Don't talk about yourself like that! This has nothing to do with that!"

"I'm okay, love. Don't worry about it. It's just hurting so bad, and you know I'm not that resistant to pain, that's all," he replied, pulling me back to his embrace. "Now do you care to explain to me what Emmett was doing lying butt naked on the floor of our apartment when I walked in?"

Our apartment―those two words warmed my heart.

I told him the whole story, and he ended up laughing as I did when he arrived. The doctor called him back into his office, and when he came out, he had a smile on his face and his hand in a splint.

"He gave me some anti-inflammatory medication, and I need to keep my hand in this for a week," he showed me the splint.

"Shit! What are you smiling about? You won't be able to work for a week!" I told him wide eyed.

"I know … that sucks, but … I can't take a shower with my hand like this by myself, and you will have to wash me for a week!" he said, pulling me into his arms.

People around us heard him say that and hug me; most looked at us, some amused, some disgusted. Edward, noticing their reactions, pulled my face to his and kissed my lips ardently.

I closed my eyes not wanting to see what those people would do at the sight of two men kissing in the middle of the waiting room. As he pulled away, I looked around and no one was looking at us anymore.

"They need to get used to this … It's our duty to educate the idiots," Edward said with a warm smile on his face, his hand snaking around my back and pulling me to the exit.

**XxxxxxxX**

Opening the door to our apartment, I stepped aside to let Edward in. His pain had subsided and his face was much more serene. Closing the door behind me, I turned to Edward, who was standing waiting for me.

"Come on, love. I'm gonna wash you just the way you like it," I said, wrapping an arm around his waist and steering him to our bedroom. "Does your hand hurt too much?"

"No … not anymore. Pain killers are working, I guess," he said, turning his face to me and giving me a peck on the cheek.

I took him to the bedroom and knelt in front of him, helping him out of his shoes, socks, pants and boxers. As I stood up, he waited until I carefully pulled his shirt up and out, paying close attention to his injured hand, to say in a husky voice as he looked deep in my eyes, "You didn't answer me…"

I knew what he was talking about, and I didn't pretend I didn't.

"Of course I'll make love to you," I cooed, pulling his naked body to me, taking in his smell and warmth, and knowing that was a resolution I had just made that morning, but not really thinking it would happen so soon.

The difference was now I thought of it with want. I wanted to have him like that. I was nervous because I wanted to give him the same pleasure he'd always given me. I knew I wouldn't hurt him. I knew he would tell me if I did, and I'd just stop and try again more carefully. But I felt like an actor on an opening night. There were butterflies in my stomach, even my heart felt their wings flapping.

"It doesn't have to be tonight," he murmured. I sighed in a bit of relief. "Maybe tomorrow," he completed.

"Maybe tomorrow," I repeated.

* * *

><p>AN – Hey guys! Thanks for the wonderful reviews you guys wrote and I'm sorry it took me so long to update this time. I was supposed to do it last weekend but had technical problems with some stuff around here. I love your feedback and gotta warn you next chapter is a bit… deeper, if you know what I mean *hides behind couch*.

Leave me your opinions and I would love to know what you think the "deeper" things will be! LOL

Hurry! Blue button is twitching to be clicked on! LOL


	9. Chapter 9

**I want to apologize for the time it took for me to have the courage to publish this. It's been ready for God knows how long, I just couldn't even go back to it after my great Beta sent it back to me. For some reason, I became bolder and decided to finally post it. I hope you guys enjoy it. I believe my boys did! LMAO! **

**A/N:** This is a slash story. If you are not into man on man sex, walk away. If you are under 18, walk away. There are kinky disturbing images including **paraphilia** like **coprophilia **and **urolagnia**. If you have a weak stomach, walk away. There are plenty of other stories for you to read.

**This chapter is a lot heavier on kink. The heavy bit is highlighted. There is no need for any of you who feel too uncomfortable to read scat to read it. All you need to know is that they have become closer and that barriers were broken and after that, Edward will feel his bond with Jasper is stronger than ever. **

The beginning is hot loving between the boys. I hope you guys enjoy it!

**Nasty**

**Chapter 9**

Straddling his thighs, I took in the image of his perfect little bubble butt in front of me—his cheeks nestling the plug that had been preparing him for me all night.

Fuck, he was fantastic.

After showering with Edward the night before, I'd noticed from our conversation that he really wanted me to make love to him today.

At that moment, I remembered I had bought a plug and had never even taken it from the pack.

Being alone, I'd become used to playing with sex toys. Of course recently, Edward had been the best interactive sex toy I'd ever encountered. I chuckled at that thought.

I had brought my toys in my bag. There weren't many, but I was afraid that people from the moving company would mess up with my toy stash.

I told him I wanted to have him ready for me and that I had a gift for him.

He looked puzzled at the sight of the plug inside the pack, so I took it from him and opened it.

He moved his eyes from the plug, to my face, to the plug again.

"Don't you know what this is?" I asked, wiggling the butt plug in front of him.

"I know what it is … Just don't know why you wanna shove that up my ass instead of just fucking me, babe." His expression was so fucking funny I had to laugh.

"First, it's not as thick as I am. Second, it's supposed to stretch you so it makes things easier for tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" he asked, a bit scared. "When are you supposed to put that in me? Now? And it'll be inside me 'til tomorrow?" His eyebrows shot up, his forehead creased, and he looked even more scared.

"Baby, we can try. If you feel too uncomfortable, we can take it out," I promised, not wiggling the thing anymore, and placing it down on the mattress.

"Try me," he answered.

As he'd asked, I didn't only try, but made him feel good by sucking on his cock, distracting him a bit while pushing the lubed plug in softly, pushing a bit farther in with every pump. The plug was not big but was a bit thicker than the others I had―perfect to prep him for my girth.

When I noticed he was about to come, I pushed the plug farther in until the neck was settled in his ass—he came almost instantly, flooding my mouth with his essence, making me feel bold, confident, even a little smug.

After licking him clean, I slid up to his lips and shared his come with him. I couldn't stop smiling, feeling his come escaping down the corners of my mouth to his face and chin. I licked him clean there too as he attacked me with his lips.

"It's gonna be so fucking hard waiting 'til tomorrow, love," he commented.

"You'll have to." Edward's hand was so swollen, and I could see the pain in his expression whenever he had to move it. Hopefully the next day, with all the anti-inflammatories and painkillers, the swelling would have receded and we could go on with our plans.

Lying on top of him, pulling his right leg to circle my hips, I had free access to his ass and the plug. I slid my hand down his thigh to his cheek 'til I found it. I tapped it lightly, attaching my lips to his, knowing how good it would feel when he moaned into my mouth to the feeling of the plug moving inside him.

As Edward moaned, I felt him relaxing under my touch. God! I almost got rid of the plug and fucked him right then! Even his kiss turned lazy and his tongue languid.

I think Edward could enjoy being fucked more than I imagined.

Throughout the night I woke up, twisting the plug a bit, making sure it was still lubed enough so it wouldn't hurt him while pulling it out in the morning.

In the morning I was ready to take it out. My cock was throbbing with need―the need to make him feel good.

I noticed Edward was too still though. I'd kissed his back and neck, and he had moaned a bit; I'd massaged his ass and back … but something wasn't right. I didn't like the feeling I was having. Something was off.

I leaned forward to reach his ear, and asked, "Are you okay, love? Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Jay, get this fucking plug out of me and fuck me already!" was his raspy answer.

I gave up. This was not how this was supposed to be. I wanted to show him I loved him with the same fire he loved me, and we made it an appointment, like the dentist, when a tooth is hurting.

This was definitely not the way I wanted things to go.

I took the plug out carefully, eliciting a sigh of relief from Edward, placing it on the mattress by Edward's side, stood up and left.

We didn't exchange a word. He had killed my buzz.

I paced to the kitchen, started a pot of water and busied myself brewing some coffee. I was so frustrated I'd made a fool of myself thinking I could be the sensual top and get him in the mood for bottoming for me.

Maybe that's a skill I didn't have. Good tops knew how to get a guy begging to be fucked. I was definitely a bottom. That was all I was, and that was all I'd ever be―a lover's failure. I could not make my man happy because he expected me to be versatile and I wasn't. I couldn't do what he asked me to.

With my hands balled into fists, I supported myself on the counter, looking down at the pitch black stone. I was angry, seething with self-loathing.

As I felt a tear escaping my traitorous eye, I heard the first notes from the piano―Edward was playing my lullaby. Hope flooded my heart as I felt drawn to the living room. I tried to resist, but it was stronger than me. I was charmed by the song, navigating towards my love; the coffee forgotten in the kitchen.

Approaching him, I noticed he was seated on the edge of the bench, leaving me space to sit behind him, both of us still naked. The second I sat behind him, my body molded to his, and his head fell back against my shoulder as he still played my song for me, no sheet music needed, no eyes on the keys needed either.

When the lullaby was over, he turned his face to me and kissed my neck, whispering "I'm sorry, love. I love you".

I turned my face, and attaching my lips to his in a small kiss, I said, "Love you too," as I pulled away.

Straightening his body, he closed the key lid and pulled me by the hand to stand upright, after that making me half sit on the lid in front of him.

Edward looked deep in my eyes and slowly leaned his head down, taking my soft cock into his mouth, making me gradually grow and harden with every bob of his head. I hissed and moaned at the feeling of his warm, wet, cavernous mouth wrapped around my length.

When I couldn't grow any harder, Edward detached his lips from my cock but pulled me to him, lubing my hole clumsily with his left hand―my cock rubbing against his chest. Yeah, he was going to fuck me. Yes!

I lifted my right leg to better his access, placing my foot next to his left hip on the bench. He was impatient; two lubed fingers slid into me and stretched me, making me almost beg for mercy.

Pulling his fingers out after preparing me for him, Ed pulled me to his lap, my knees now on both his sides, bent on the bench.

I slid down his cock, and finally, the world made sense again.

Our chests were touching, rubbing against each other as I rode his cock like a cowboy. Edward held me so close I felt we would fuse together soon; my hands in his hair, his good hand on my back―his fingers digging into my skin.

Between moans and groans, Edward kissed and sucked on my chest and neck, but my knees started hurting from the bench—I didn't care! Suddenly, he stopped me, holding me closer, blocking my movements.

He pulled me up and away from his cock. I stood up, and he pushed me against the piano again as he stood in front of me and attacked my lips in a scorching kiss, thrusting his hips against mine, rubbing our cocks together.

He held me still for a second, brushing his lips on mine as he said, "I love you … Make love to me now?" He kissed me again, not allowing me to answer, my stomach in spasms, my breathing erratic.

"Fill me …" His lips were bruising mine once more.

"Fill me with your cock," he said, taking both our members in his hand, rubbing them together as his tongue ravished my mouth leaving me breathless. Pulling back again, he went on, "Fill me with your seed."

He sucked my lips into his mouth again almost making me dizzy. At last, he finished, "Fill me with your love." He crashed his lips to mine again, and we devoured each other. God, he was perfect, a perfect man, the perfect man for me.

Expecting an answer, he pulled back, looking deep into my eyes, which were now wide as saucers and dark with lust for him. He gave me a quick nod, eliciting a, "hmm?" from his throat.

I nodded, never breaking our gaze.

Edward turned us around, pressing me down to sit on the piano bench. He put a tube of lube in my hand he had brought from our room and looking down at me, still holding my gaze, he requested, "Prep me, love?"

He turned around and braced himself by leaning on the piano, putting his ass right in front of me.

I put the lube down at my side on the bench, and holding both his cheeks with each of my hands, I pulled them apart and licked him from his balls to the top of his ass crack, lapping over his puckered hole one, two, three times; tasting him, filling him with want. As my tongue brushed his hole, he pushed back against my face gasping.

He was eager―that was so fucking hot!

Coating my fingers with saliva, I started caressing his entrance softly, as my tongue explored his opening.

"Fuuuuucccccckkkkkkkk!" Edward moaned loud and long, his legs trembling for a second.

I let go of his cheeks to lube my fingers, and when they were back touching my gorgeous man in such an intimate way, I heard him murmur, "Feels so fucking good … so fucking good."

Soon, my Edward was pushing against my four fingers in his ass, gasping, grunting, his cock bouncing in front of him, his body covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

Pulling my fingers from him I heard him whimper at the loss.

I grasped both sides of his hips and brought him to me.

"Do you want to face me or face away from me?" I asked.

"Face away … Just this first time."

My heart sank, knowing I wouldn't be seeing his beautiful face while entering him, but I knew why he wanted it that way. He didn't want me to see pain on his face while I penetrated him; he knew how much I was worried about it.

"Sit on my cock, love," I said, aligning my dick to his hole.

Painfully slowly, with his legs straddling mine, Edward started sinking down my cock.

"Relax, love … I need you to relax … and let me in," I said, immediately peppering his back with open mouth kisses in an attempt to distract him from the pain of the stretching.

"It burns," he whispered. "It burns so good …" His head fell forward, his mouth forming an 'O' shape. He braced himself with one of his hands on the piano, the injured one lay on my leg.

I felt the head of my cock being squeezed by his ring of muscles, and I too, was suffering from excruciating pleasure! So, so tight around me, so warm and good!

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Edward let out, sinking all the way down on my cock once my head was all in. "Fuuuuuucccck … so full ... so big … so big … so good …" he murmured, arching his back and dropping his head back to my shoulder.

I could hardly breathe! I was inside my love. I was inside him, and it felt fantastic! I hoped he wouldn't move because I didn't know how long I'd last.

I held my arms around his waist and wrapped my still-lubed right hand around his cock, pumping him slowly, twisting my wrist and rubbing my thumb around his head.

"Jesus!" he yelled, starting his own movements up and down my length. I looked down and was mesmerized at the sight of my cock disappearing into him. A few more thrusts, and soon it was too much; I was on the verge of coming. I held an arm around his waist, halting his movements and suggested, "Love … let's go the bedroom?" I saw his head nodding and felt him standing up and off of my cock.

Damn … How fast we can get used to a good thing, huh?

Hand in hand, we walked quietly to the bedroom. Edward, with a smirk on his face, resembling the cat who caught the canary―bastard—even when he bottomed, he got his way.

Entering the bedroom, and moving closer to our bed, as if we could call it that, since it was just a mattress on the floor, he turned to me with a shadow of a smirk on his face and asked, "How do you want me?"

I knew exactly how I wanted him.

"I want you on your knees on the mattress, facing the wall. Brace yourself on it."

Edward walked on the mattress, his feet sinking down into the bedding, and stopped as he reached the wall where the headboard of the bed should be. He knelt down and sat on his heels waiting for me.

I couldn't help but admire my man kneeling there, so beautiful, so strong; his muscles moving as he settled where I asked. I was worried about his hand, but I'd make up for that supporting him some way.

I crawled behind him, and before entering him again, I leaned forward, stuck my tongue out and licked him from behind his balls up his crack to his back, until I reached his neck. Edward hissed at the feeling, and I heard him utter, "Fuuuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkkk!" as his head fell back, leaving me his exposed neck so I could ravage it with my mouth, teeth and tongue.

Edward turned his head to me, offering me his lips, asking, "Take me again … make me come."

After attacking his lips one more time, I carefully aligned my cock, applying some more lube to it and his opening, readying it to host me again. Sliding into his channel, the feeling of having his tight heat squeeze my cock, sucking it in greedily, overwhelmed me once more. I mouthed "fuuuuuuckk," closing my eyes shut for a second, before letting my head fall forward, leaning my forehead on his back so I could watch him swallowing me whole while mumbling a low grunt and an, "Uuuuuurghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh … Fucccccckk … 'm so full …"

"Feel good, babe?" I whispered huskily.

"So fucking good … full … need you to move, love."

I started moving slowly, but soon his need made me speed up, as Edward's grunts and groans showed me he demanded more action, which I appreciated.

Circling my left arm around his chest and offering him some more support, I hooked my hand on his shoulder and pulled him to me, attaching my chest to his back, making my thrusts shorter, harder and faster, while my right hand pumped his cock in the same rhythm.

Edward's head fell back on my shoulder, and his hips met mine thrust for thrust. He grunted loud and roared like a lion in my arms, "Fuck me … fuck me … feels so good … everywhere …"

I slowed down a little bit, making my thrusts longer, wanting to prolong the experience, letting go of him enough so I could look at him moving against my cock. It felt so fucking good! Not only being inside of him, having my cock being massaged by his walls and ring, but making him move like that in response to having me inside him, eliciting from him the noises he was making.

It was mesmerizing―his muscles moving under his skin; sweat breaking out of his pores, making him glisten in the light, droplets sliding down his strands of hair.

He brought me back from my ogling, calling out, "Jasper …"

"Yeah, baby," I answered, speeding up a little bit while my eyes were still trained on our hips slapping against each other.

"Are you making me your bitch?" he moaned, slowing down his movements.

I pulled him into me hard and fast, making him gasp at the thump his back made against my chest.

"Never … You will always me my top… my man…You will always be the one to fuck me hard, pulling on my hair, filling me up with your seed. But when my top needs to feel loved, I'll love you … I'll love you with my hand … I'll love you with my mouth … and I'll love you with my cock."

I began thrusting into him in earnest as Edward completely lost control over his movements, grunting and groaning again and again, pushing his cock into my hand.

"Fuck me … Harder … Harder." Edward leaned his head forward, his mouth meeting the left forearm I had across his chest pulling him to me, attaching his lips to it hard, sucking on it, nipping on my skin franticly.

Jesus Christ! I loved it! I loved the urgency he had in connecting to me, and the pain it was causing on my skin that was becoming more and more sensitive by the second. The more he sucked and pulled my skin between his teeth, the more it hurt, the more I liked it.

A few more thrusts inside him and I felt his cock bursting in my hand, shooting white ropes of his precious syrup to the sheets and wall, his ass clenching around my cock, and a sharp sting from Edward's teeth sinking into my arm as he hummed his orgasm against it. The sensations of the sharp pain from his teeth thrust into my flesh and the soothing of his moaning against my skin, together with his ass grasping my cock and his body convulsing in my arms, pushed me over the edge, making my first orgasm inside my man even more intense and incredible! I pushed my cock into him harder while he milked me.

Edward kept sucking on my skin, and before I could anticipate it, he panicked upon noticing the blood sliding down my arm, or maybe tasting it on his tongue. He tried to free himself from my hold in terror, but I didn't let him, holding him in place, pushing my body, bending forward to try and trap him in my both arms, now wrapped around him tightly.

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhh," I soothed.

"I hurt you … I hurt you, Jay," he panted terrified.

"I loved it … I loved it, Ed―all of it. You made me come when you bit me, love. It felt incredible, baby. Shhhhhhhh … It's okay."

Edward relaxed slightly once he noticed the smile on my voice.

I felt him slowly unwind in my arms.

Suddenly I felt his body moving, as if sobbing, and I held him even closer to me to soothe him, but getting closer to his face, I noticed he was laughing―bastard!

With his body now shaking with laughter, he managed to say, "Seems I'm not a bitch after all, babe … I'm a fucking dog!" I let him go, letting my cock slip out of him so he could ball up and sink on the bedding, laughing his ass off.

Okay. There was no need to be so terrified, but laughing? That was a bit too much, right?

Lying on his back, Ed pulled my left arm with his left hand, making me collapse at his side, saying, "Let me see that".

Examining my arm, his smile faded, but he didn't brood. He only asked, "What the fuck did I do? I'm sorry, babe. I really am. I didn't mean to hurt you like this." Edward pulled my arm to his lips, and I felt his tongue lapping on the wound made by his teeth.

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to pull my arm back, creasing my brows and fighting him to stop doing that.

Ed held it firmer, and raising his head, he explained, "My dad always told me to put saliva on my wounds, love. It helps them heal." Oh! Okay then. I let him have my arm back on his lips again, and I felt his tongue coating it with saliva.

This is so fucking weird. For a man who can't stand the sight or smell of blood, he sure loves to taste it.

After a while, we were cuddling; me in his arms, my back to his chest. We were still naked and hadn't made our way to the bathroom yet.

"I wonder what came over me that made me bite you like this, love," he said, as he stroked my arm, trying to sooth the pain he felt responsible for.

"Ed … you always bite me, babe," I reminded him.

"Really? Yeah … I really do," he acknowledged, kissing my shoulder exactly where I could feel a small sting from a love bite from some other love session we'd had recently.

"I know I bite you, but I never broke your skin before. God, I love you so much ... I think if I could, I'd eat you, you know?" He grinned, pulling my face to his, biting my upper lip softly before kissing me.

"Well … your fangs never fooled me," I joked when he pulled away.

That earned me a tickle war that was everything but fair since Edward had an injured hand. I couldn't make myself tickle him like I wanted to because I was afraid of hurting his hand.

XxxxxxX

Monday morning my boxes arrived from Seattle.

I was moving around the room opening boxes and retrieving all I would need from them, when I heard my phone ringing.

Accepting the call, I heard a strange voice on the other side of the line.

"Good morning. Are you Dr. Jasper Hale?"

"Yes, I am. Whom am I talking to, please?" I replied.

"This is Nurse Lutz, from the Metropolitan hospital. Are you Mr. Edward Cullen's closest kin in New York? He gave us your number to contact you."

What the Fuck was going on?

"Yes, I am. Why?" My voice broke, and I felt my stomach churning. I tried to stay calm and listen to all the man had to say.

"Mr. Cullen is with us now. The paramedics brought him in after an accident in the cab he was riding in. You don't need to worry, he is okay, but the doctor wanted to talk to you, Sir."

I thanked the man for the call, asking him for the information I'd need when I'd get there to find my Edward.

Jesus! I was so nervous I kept forgetting things, making me return three times before I could actually make myself go to him.

XxxxxxxX

The cab ride was a nightmare as usual. If there's something I soon learned to hate in New York, it was the traffic.

Still stopped at a traffic light after the damn thing had changed at least twice, I heard my phone vibrating in my pocket. I checked the caller ID―Dr. Cullen. Good, he already knew.

"Talk to me kiddo." I heard him say on the other side of the line.

"Doctor Cullen, so you've heard?" I asked him, trying to cut to the chase.

"I was in surgery. My secretary got the message, but Doctor Carter couldn't take my call once I got the message. Do you have any news? Are you with him yet?" Carlisle sounded preoccupied. I wondered what was going on his head being so far away and having a son in the hospital after an accident.

"Doctor C, the nurse who called me told me not to worry, said he was fine, and they just need me there to talk to me about something he couldn't talk about on the phone."

"Doctor Carter told my secretary Edward was really agitated. I'm worried. Maybe he had a head injury they are not able to assess." He sighed into the phone, and I could feel his nervousness in his action.

"Doctor C, I'll call you as soon as I have more details about what happened, okay? I promise you it's the first thing I will do as soon as I get there."

"Thanks, kiddo … I owe you one. And stop calling me Doctor … I'm Carlisle or dad to you, okay?"

"Okay." There was no point in arguing with him. He would always be my Professor, Doctor Carlisle Cullen, a man I admired almost as much as I did my own father.

We ended the call, and I noticed I was close to the hospital, but it would take forever to get there in the traffic. I paid the cabbie and hopped out of the car, running the rest of the way to the hospital.

Arriving at the front desk, I identified myself and asked for Edward's room. I rushed to the hall I was pointed to and met Doctor Carter leaving Edward's room.

"Good morning, Doctor Carter?" He nodded, sticking his pen into his white coat's pocket. "Nice meeting you, I'm Doctor Jasper Hale." I offered my hand, and he shook it, expressing his pleasure to meet me too.

"A nurse called me saying Edward Cullen was admitted here after an accident?" I was blabbing away―all I wanted was to burst into his room and see how he was, but the doctor was blocking my passage.

"Yes, and Mr. Cullen is fine. He is still a little agitated, and we need you to help us calm him down so we he can give him a head CT scan."

"What happened?" I was confused. I didn't know what had really happened.

"Oh! Sorry, I thought you already knew. The paramedics brought him in still unconscious from the scene. They said he was already out when they found him. His cab was hit in a pile up close to the Metropolitan Museum."

"Okay … I'll talk to him. Can I go in now?" I couldn't hide my nervousness, and he just stepped aside and let me through.

"Thanks."

As soon as I stepped in, Edward looked at me, asking, "Are you here to take me home?" His eyes were wide like saucers, and I could sense waves of anxiety crashing on me like I was a steadfast rock face.

I got to him in two large strides, cradling him in my arms, kissing his neck and shoulders repeatedly, my hands running over his head trying to find any signs of bumps or pain—I found none. He didn't wince once as I examined him without him knowing, really.

"Baby, are you alright?" I whispered in his ear, still unable to let him go.

"Answer me. I'm fine. I don't need to stay here. Take me home, please," he murmured against my skin.

"I will. But there are tests they have to do before letting you go home, baby. I need you to calm down and not be so anxious about this. You said it yourself, you're alright. Doctor Carter called your dad." I stroked his back relieved he was okay.

"I know. They went to school together. He saw my name on the chart and asked me if we were related. I told him he was my dad." I felt his lips kissing my skin, also savoring the proximity after going through some scary moments.

"Nice. So now you will have to put up with being Doctor Cullen's son. They won't let you leave, until they make sure you are okay. And that's a good thing, love."

"I hate hospitals," he moaned. I pulled away and made him look into my eyes.

"Okay, I understand that, but you have to stay for as long as they think is necessary. We cannot be irrational on an occasion like this. Promise me you will calm down. I'm here with you. I'm not going anywhere." I tried giving him the feeling of safety that would result in him settling.

Edward nodded against my chest and buried himself in my arms again. We held each other for a long time. I felt him relax little by little, but knowing he couldn't fall asleep, I pulled away just in time to see the light coming from the hallway through the opening door.

"Hello, Mr. Cullen? How are we doing now?"

I turned to look at the man with the sweet melodic voice coming through the door.

"I'm Nurse Lutz," he introduced himself, offering me his hand. Shaking his mammoth fist, I also introduced myself to the blond, curly-haired man who looked more like a wrestler than a nurse―he was over six feet tall and bulky like a weight trainer.

"Doctor Jasper Hale. Ni. Nice meeting you."

"Likewise," he answered with a friendly grin on his face, looking back at Edward.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked encouragingly. Edward shook his head no and nestled himself in my arms again. I felt a chuckle come out of me I could not hold in.

"Baby, you look like a five year old acting like this." I couldn't help making the comparison.

"Is it the head CT he is on his way for?" I asked Nurse Lutz, who was looking back at us with a knowing smile on his face, but a beautiful smile nonetheless.

"Yes. You can come with us, Doctor. I doubt anyone will complain about it." I nodded and helped Edward out of bed. He was wearing a hospital gown and was all embarrassed because of its opening in the back.

Edward complained about the wheel chair and the gown, and the lights in the hallways that were too strong, and everything else he could on his way to the exam, but I still held his hand all the way there.

As he was inside having his head scanned, I was in the reading room with the technician since I couldn't be in there with Edward.

His head was clear, no signs of any trauma or bruising of any sort.

We returned to the room, and I knew there were more exams they would need to do, but at least now, Edward would be able to sleep.

"Baby, you need to rest," I cooed while stroking his hair, observing his restless eyes.

"I wanna rest at home," he moaned.

"Scoot," I told him, sliding onto the side of the bed and pulling him into my arms, which elicited a moan of satisfaction from my five-year-old-like man.

It was already late morning and lunch time was minutes away, so I tried to make him talk to keep him awake 'til he had eaten his lunch before he fell asleep.

"Do you wanna tell me what happened, or do you wanna talk about something else instead?" I needed to leave it for him to decide, not wanting to poke on bleeding wounds.

"I was looking outside … never saw it coming," he started, placing a kiss on my arm that was across his chest, pulling him to me. "Thank God, I was wearing a seatbelt." Edward closed his eyes shut and pulled my arm even harder against his chest, like it was a teddy bear.

"There was so much blood … the driver was bleeding everywhere. They pulled him out first; my seatbelt buckle wouldn't work, and the ones who got me out of the car had to cut it with a knife." Edward went silent again for a while. I kept sprinkling kisses on his neck, shoulders, and back while feeling his lips on my arm and hand. It felt so comfortable cocooning him from behind like that.

"How is your arm?" he asked me, looking for the wound on my forearm. I had bandaged it so it would not touch my coat.

"It's okay, babe. Don't worry about it," I whispered close to his ear.

"I'm sorry," he apologized again.

After a while, I thought he was asleep, so I supported myself on my arm to check on him and felt him pull on my arm again.

"Babe … I … I never told you I had meningitis, did I?" Ed spoke really low, almost a whisper.

"When was this, love?" I kept on brushing my lips on his skin as he told me his story.

"I was eleven … it was a nightmare," he said, closing his eyes at the thought.

"The headache, the stiff neck … my whole body ached. I thought I was going to die. Dad took me to the hospital … kept saying how much I liked the hospital since I was always there around him, snooping, talking to patients and the nurses," Edward took his hand to his brows, brushing them to his sides, creasing them anyway.

"Dad thought I would be a doctor too back then. I really liked staying at the hospital with him."

Edward balled up, pulling his knees to his stomach in a kind of fetal position. The traumatic experience was something he may have never worked out in his mind, or heart. Re-living it seemed excruciating. I did what I could to ground him in the present and comfort him as best as I could.

"I … I … When … When I was in the hospital for a few hours, I lost my hearing," Edward choked out.

What? He went deaf? Shit! I knew that was possible; it was rare, but temporary hearing loss was something that happened to some patients with meningitis. What was scary though, was when the patient got it, no one could tell if it was going to be temporary or permanent. Only time would tell if the patient would be able to hear again after the treatment with antibiotics.

I couldn't imagine what it was like for him, a musician―he had been studying music since he was five―losing his hearing. My love must have been scared half to death. I held him even tighter, almost fusing our bodies together.

"Jesus, love. That must have been so scary. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.," I tried to soothe him, but also keep him talking. If he was hurting as much as I thought because of these memories, I was going to help any way I could.

"You have no idea what it was like, baby; people talking around you, their mouths moving and just some low noise coming from them, 'til I couldn't hear even the noise. I couldn't hear them trying to calm me down with words, and it just made me more anxious. It pointed out even more clearly that I was deaf, making me panic even more."

Edward turned in my arms and looked up at me with his eyes swimming in tears, making mine tear up too. I kissed his lips, and our tears mixed on our cheeks. Edward was trembling in my arms, and I needed to make him feel better.

Pulling away from the kiss, I cradled his face between my hands, trailing my eyes towards his, and asked, "Why have you been thinking about this? Is it 'cause of the hospital? What is it, love?"

Looking down, then up to my eyes and down again, he smirked tentatively.

"When I blacked out, before the paramedics arrived, I was back there. I was eleven again, going through all that. When I woke up in the hospital, I panicked at the thought it was probably going to happen again―maybe I had bumped my head and gone deaf again or something."

A few more minutes in silence and I could understand his concern and his demanding wish to just go home, away from the memories and the hurt. Edward buried his head in the crook of my neck and stayed there until Nurse Lutz arrived with his food.

Watching how careful the nurse was around Edward, I wondered if the man was naturally that way, which led me to wonder if he was gay. Maybe he was just a tender, careful, straight nurse. If so, he was just Rose's number―tall, bulky―sadly Rose was not here to meet him.

"Edward, love, you need to eat. Let me make you comfortable so you can have your lunch, baby." I tried disentangling our arms and legs, but he wouldn't have any of that, holding me close, not allowing me to free myself from his hold.

Apparently the eleven year old brat he was when he was ill in his memories had come out to play for a little longer.

"Edward, listen to me." I made him look me in the eye, bringing him back from whatever dreamland he was going to, forgetting who he was dealing with and trying to have his way.

"You need to eat, pee and shit before you can go home. They haven't ruled out internal injury yet, and that doesn't happen with only exams. They need to make sure your body is functioning properly, otherwise, you can't go home. Now, let me stand up and help you sit straight so you can eat, okay?" I asked for confirmation with my eyebrows as they shot up into my hairline, my eyes bore deep into his. He complied. He always did.

As Edward was sitting up, Nurse Lutz was smirking, or maybe he always had that smile dancing on his face―at least around us.

"He is right, Mr. Cullen. You can only leave if we are sure all your body functions are intact."

Edward snarled at his comment and shot back, "Do you need me to fuck and check on my come too ... to make sure that's functioning as well?" The nurse just chuckled at his question.

Jesus Christ! Where did that come from? I came closer to his ear and asked, "What's happening to you? Why are you being so nasty to the nurse? What's your problem?"

"He stares at us too long … that smirk is pissing me off," Edward testily replied.

I needed to clear things up, because I was losing my patience at the pre-teen boy my Ed turned out to be once in the hospital.

"Nurse Lutz," I started.

He interrupted me, saying, "It's Dillon. You can call me Dillon."

"Thanks, Dillon. I'm sorry to ask, but are you gay?" I had to ask. Edward had the impression the nurse was bigoted and laughing at us. Maybe he was gay and sympathetic to the situation—or not.

"No, Doctor, I'm not. But I'm familiar to the gay community. I'm sorry if I offended you with my curiosity; it's just that your interaction is really endearing, and it's beautiful to observe. My brother has a boyfriend, and their relationship is nothing like yours. I really wish it was."

I felt bad for the blond man, a sad smile on his face now.

"Yeah… My brother is a gem. Despite being even bigger than me, looking like a MMA fighter, he's the most caring and delicate person I know. His boyfriend is just…" Nurse Dillon shook his head with a hopeless sigh. "I can't count how many times I had to come over after their fights and help Lee treat the bruises and wounds. Peter hits him, throws things at him… I don't know how Lee can handle it."

"I'm sorry to hear that. There are abusive relationships among us all, Dillon, gay or straight." I commented.

"Yeah, I guess so. I just hope Lee would find the strength to leave Peter, finding a good guy as much as I want to find a girl who will take care of me as I would definitely take care of her. I haven't been lucky in that area lately," he ended with a chuckle. "When you're done, press the button, and I'll come back to pick up the tray, okay?" he asked, looking at Edward, who was now embarrassed and ashamed of his behavior.

"Sure," he said. "I'm sorry I was rude to you before. I just hate hospitals …" Edward's eyes shot to the ground shyly.

The gentle giant just gave him a smile and replied, "That's okay, I understand. No one feels themselves when they are in here, right? No worries. Just make sure to do as the Doctor asked, and you'll be out of here soon." He nodded, turned around and left.

As Dillon had injected medication in Edward's IV, I noticed it was making him even sleepier. I hurried to lie down behind him as he motioned me to do. I pulled him to me, and soon he was snoring softly against my arm.

XxxxxxxX

"Edward, I'm not going to lie to the doctor," I told him with a stern look on my face, brows creased. "You know the drill."

"What's the big deal? You know I can't go in strange places. How long did it take for me to go to the toilet in your apartment back in Seattle? Almost a month! I can't, I just can't! And it's not like I go every day anyway," he said, frustrated.

He wanted to go home, but the doctor wanted to make sure everything was alright and there were no internal injuries of any sort. Edward wanted me to lie to the doctor, saying he had been to the toilet and defecated, and I refused because there was still a slight possibility of internal injury they needed to rule out.

"I know you go every day, Edward," I replied.

"How do you know that?" he spat back.

"I know everything about you, baby. Sometimes you just forget who I am, don't you?" I asked, amused.

"No … I don't. But I thought you just observed my behavior, analyzing my every thought and shit. Now what? What else do you know?" he asked me defiantly.

"I know you're addicted to chocolate but try to hide it. I also know you throw up when you're anxious and eat three boxes of chocolate in one sitting." I kissed his temple, needing the proximity.

"Jesus! Now I'm embarrassed. How come you know all that?"

"Been living with you for a while, love. Don't underestimate me." I pulled him into my arms, and he held me even tighter.

"Come on … I'll go with you," I said.

Edward's wide, forest green eyes shot to mine, showing a hint of panic. "But …"

"I'll help you out, baby. I can do it. Massage your belly, make you feel at ease, comfy. You'll see," I told him, pulling off the covers, grasping his good hand and helping him out of bed.

"Thanks love. .It means the world to me that you are so caring," he said, pulling me into a hug.

XxxxxxxX

I had been sitting on the floor of the bathroom for at least a half hour. Edward was already fed up with it. He was on the toilet for at least forty-five minutes, and he just couldn't do it. I had tried everything; I had kissed him, I stroked his skin, I had massaged his belly, all in vain.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked.

He shook his head no vehemently, saying "It's not you, Jay. I'm not home. I can't do it," he said, shaking his head with frustration.

FUCK.

**A/N – No! The chapter is not over yet! But this is the bit I told you guys about. My beta team read it and didn't find it too bad. But I'm aware that many of you are not reading Nasty for this stuff, so I felt it would be good to warn you when something of the sort appeared again. This bit doesn't go till the end, so if you scroll down you will find the rest of the chapter.**

**So an idea crossed my mind. I reached for my jeans pocket and retrieved one of the packs of lube I had started to carry everywhere since Edward and I were always up to no good lately and stopping to go get lube and condoms was a turn off. **

**Yeah, condoms.**

**I was insane with the idea of being fucked in a public place again and was willing to wear condoms to avoid the freaking mess, so I carried them around in my jeans pocket. I know―I was turning into a pervert.**

**As I tore the pack of lube open, Edward looked at me as if frozen in place. **

**I did it all as slowly as I could, so he could get used to the idea. I noticed he understood what I was doing, but he didn't protest against it. **

**Coating my middle finger with lube, my eyes trailing from my hand to his eyes, I knelt down in front of him, circling one arm around him as the other pulled him down and forward, giving me access to his ass. I circled his puckered flesh with my lubed finger, and I heard him gasp. A little more and the tip was siding inside him. I pumped it carefully, sliding farther in with each thrust. **

"**Let go, love. Relax and let go," I murmured. I felt his ass clenching around my finger instead of relaxing as I asked him to. I had to make him relax somehow.**

"**Love … I need you to do this for me, huh? For me?" I felt Edward's head shaking no against my stomach. "I love you … I won't love you any less for this." **

**He shook his head no again, softly saying, "I can't …" and I felt his ring clenching around my finger again. **

**I needed a better approach. Huskily, I tried something more compelling, "I wanna feel it, baby … I wanna feel it coming out of you … Just like I feel your come washing my walls, I wanna feel you push it out against my finger … Will you let me feel it? Huh?"**

**I felt Edward's body move with every word I said. He pulled me against him closer than before, holding me, his hand cupping my ass. I heard him gasp at my words, and I felt his abs tensing up as he pushed it out. **

**Fuck! My man was beautiful even like this! **

**I felt the heat ... I felt the texture sliding down my finger; I liked it. I liked it, and I didn't stop finger fucking his ass once he started releasing it. **

**I felt his lips on my skin, sucking gently. **

**I felt him tense up again in a final push, releasing a sigh before melting against my body. **

**His lips never left my skin. **

**I couldn't resist. I was hard as a rock against my jeans, and all I could think of was how my finger was constricted against his ring while it was sliding out. All I could imagine was my cock inside him while he pushed his load out, how good it would probably feel, its texture against my cock, caressing me. I moaned loudly at the thought, and Edward noticed. I couldn't take my finger from his ass, it felt too good.**

**Edward sat up straight, soon leaning to my ear. "Was it as you thought it would be?" he cooed.**

"**Damn, baby … This feels so good," I murmured back. **

"**Tell me," he moaned.**

"**It's hot … and raspy …" I rocked my finger in and out of him, knowing I was making a mess against his skin. It just felt so good I couldn't resist.**

"**You like my shit on your fingers … on your hand?" he asked me in a husky voice that made me shiver.**

"**I fucking love it ," I rasped. **

**I heard him mutter, "Fuck ..."**

"**I want it again … I wanna do it again …" I begged him. I did. I wanted it again as I wanted him to bite me again while coming. I wanted to fuck him while he was pushing his shit out … I wanted to feel that texture caressing my cock while I fucked him hard. I wanted it all. **

**Jesus, I never knew I was so fucking sick―so sick for my deranged man―I wanted it all from him.**

**Lost in my musings, I was snapped out of them by his hand looking for something inside my jeans pocket and his voice saying, "Baby … wash your hands." He opened my zipper and unbuttoned my pants, shoving them, together with my underwear, down to my knees. **

**As I washed my hands, I looked down at him, and he was opening a pack of condoms. He pulled my hard as steel cock into his mouth and sucked on it a few times before rolling the condom on.**

**He grabbed the half-used pack of lube from the sink and lubed my cock up as fast as he could. Then he stood up, closed the toilet lid, and placed one knee on it, bracing himself against the wall behind the seat. **

"**Now fuck me … Fuck me hard. I wanna feel it … I wanna feel you fuck me like this. Don't finger me anymore, you've done that enough! Just enter me and fuck me hard." His words were urgent, and I urged to obey his orders immediately. **

**I felt the head of my cock pushing against his tight ring, and it felt fantastic. I lost myself on the feeling of his walls massaging my dick; I lost all restraint and carefulness watching my cock flying back and forth into his ass, pounding him like a jackhammer. Edward moaned loud, crying, "Harder … Harder … Make me come, make me come … Stroke my cock." **

**I held onto his dick and squeezed it so fucking hard, he cried out loud, "FUCK!" **

**Releasing it a bit, I jacked him off furiously as I pounded his ass.**

**I felt his cock bursting in my hand only a few thrusts later, his ass clenching around me, Edward yell-growling , "FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK KK!" his voice reverberating on the bathroom walls, rolling up with my own moans and grunts! **

**Not able to hold it much longer, I burst into the condom inside his squeezing ass. My orgasm was so fucking strong, I felt my legs shaking, my cream filling the condom, and his body turning into goo in my arms from his orgasm. **

**I ended up pulling both of us to the ground; Edward sitting on my lap, his back leaning on my chest, my cock slipping out of his ass, and both of us with a goofy grin on our sated faces.**

**I sat on the cold floor, my ass bare on the tiles, for so long we lost track of time. We definitely needed a rec time.**

"**Jesus Christ, Jay … We are two deranged, filthy fucks," he pointed out with a chuckle.**

"**I love that about us, love," I said, kissing his neck and shoulders. **

**And I did. No more inhibitions, no more barriers. A new horizon was open in front of us. Edward was glowing, I could sense it. This was something that gave him so much pleasure, and now I knew he was holding back, afraid I would love him less or not enjoy it as he did, as if any of that was possible.**

**I was surprised at how much I truly enjoyed it. We were just done, and I was ready for more. I wanted it again.**

"**We need to take a shower … I need to wash you, baby." I said, slapping his thigh. **

As Edward was trying to stand up, supporting himself on his good hand, we heard a knock on the door, accompanied by the male voice that had been around so much these last two days.

"Are you guys okay? Do you need a hand with anything?"

"Nooooooo, Dillon! Stay where you are. You won't like one bit what youou're gonna see if you come in, " I rushed to say.

I heard him chuckle in response. "So, do I have good news? Is the boy ready to go?"

I knew he wanted to know if Edward had defecated. We'd'd spent the night at the hospital—because Edward just couldn't do it there. I didn't know who was more stubborn, Edward or Doctor Carter.

Apparently, Doctor Carter.

"He's ready to go!" I shouted from the bathroom.

Edward and I had a laughing fit when Edward spoke just for me to hear, "Think they need some of my spunk to examine too? There's some on the wall we can scoop up."

As our laughter subsided, we got up, and I showered my boy, lending him the T-shirt I was wearing underneath my plaid shirt, since his own T was cut off of him in the ambulance.

As we went home, I hoped we had some days of peace ahead of us, especially after so much had happened in the few days I'd been in New York.

XxxxxxxX

**A/N: Hey peeps! Who was brave enough to read the highlighted bit? Who now hates me for it? LOL I warned you guys… I did! So… hit the blue button and let me know, will you? Mmmmmmwaaaah! **


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